161. The high cost of cheap sex—VII

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Women spend their lives hoping it ain’t so, but unmarried sex leads ultimately to split up. Women fail to respect, tame, and overcome the hormone hurricane nature of men. Women face many hazards.

1.      When she provides him with frequent and convenient sex for anything less than marriage, to him she cheapens herself, the institution of marriage, and their relationship.

2.      Sex attracts a man, but it provides her with no holding power over him. What bonds her does not bond him. This reduces the attractiveness of marriage for him.

3.      Conquest releases him to conquer someone else. It doesn’t mean he will toss her aside right away, but it dramatically lowers her sex value relative to other women. He shifts toward temporariness; after their first sex together, his hormones take over and focus on other options. Of course, it’s not fair.

4.      Romantic love fades in a year or two for them both. Infatuation and lust fade sooner. Each fade-out further lowers her value to him as sex partner. So, even if he stays with her that long, relationship ennui sets in. When men have boredom problems, they seek excitement.

5.      After a few months or years she’s aware of relationship problems, blames him, and expects him to meet her expectations. Blame pushes him into defensive mode to prove her wrong. She thus violates her relationship management expertise; he starts looking for other options.  

6.      The availability of cheap sex outside the home makes cheating more attractive, and he’s not burdened with vows. Perhaps burdened with verbal commitment, but that has the stick-together strength of neither devotion nor vows.

7.      The lack of marriage vows eases his conscience. It enables rationalizations and relieves guilt when boredom becomes overbearing, some gal seduces him, or a start-over trophy appears.

8.      Since sex does not hold him, she needs her qualities of character, femininity, and soft-heartedness to hold him. He learns subliminally about these strengths and qualities while looking for weaknesses to get her in bed. Conquest dramatically slows his learning about her attributes.

All of this is centered around sex, which is the theme women have to downplay and overcome to keep a man.

Marriage before sex adds the best insurance. She loses dominance of their relationship after conquest. He takes control of their sexual agenda then, or else he departs. So, she loses influence one way or him the other.

When she insists on holding out for marriage and makes sure he gets exposed to and appreciates her other strengths and qualities, she can win his devotion. The kind that holds a man closely. It doesn’t mean she will keep him forever, but her odds improve dramatically.

She dominates the relationship before conquest. He dominates it afterward. The dominant partner leads, and the other follows. The longer she dominates, the greater her influence after conquest.   

[More about the high costs of cheap sex appear at posts 149, 138, 99, 84, 39, and 2. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following.]

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