I admit it’s a game. Women have ignored it for years, but now men win with it. It’s called ‘hardtoget’. Men call the same strategy ‘vague and unavailable’.
What people want, think they deserve, but apparently can’t have, they want even more. So, their interests and efforts intensify.
Men play this way: Show little interest in her even for sex. Let her talk and emote her way into your bed.
Women play this way: Whether you have an interest or not, show disinterest until he shows much more than sexual interest in you. Make him work his way into your heart long before your bed.
Our foremothers mastered the art (see post #82). But modern women lose more than they win.
Women are too impatient to generate relationships with men. They expose their interest with too much skin, eagerness to get involved, and willingness to go along to get along. Men sit back and act vague and unavailable, and women come to them in spirit if not actually.
Women allow no time for a man’s imagination to fire up, focus on her as partner with sex as mere byproduct, and her to the exclusion of others. (Also see #359, 287, and 252 about firing up the masculine imagination.)
What women never hear: The male ego feeds on accomplishments, not what comes easily. Unearned gifts make no lasting impressions. She makes erasable impressions, when she pushes herself toward him or provides sex with little investment of the heart by him. Thus, she makes herself disposable long before time together can generate a lasting relationship.
More follows soon.
As usual, another post that’s so very true! Have you ever thought that many women may NOT want to hear the things you you tell? For if they truly allowed your message to take a hold in their minds, then it would also mean that they would have to change – and that’s too hard for many!
It’s almost too much to ask when it comes to these particular ladies – for it’s too much work to cultivate the assertiveness and self-discipline that’s required. Unfortunately, they also have such ‘wishy-washy’ boundaries. Even so, there will be some individual women where the words will resonate deeply within and they will start on a path of personal power.
Anyway, your words resonate with me
Melina.
Your highness, Melina,
Thanks. I love to hear from pretty women.
Your term ‘wishy-washy boundaries’ is both descriptive and accurate. I love it. I’m mission-oriented to use it.
Guy
Patience, self-dicipline, assertiveness…
I would have never thought in a million years that these have anything to do with male/female relationships.
For me experincing the ego satisfaction and power of sending them packing is enoughmotivation for me to cultivate these characteristics rather quickly. Everyone needs a motivation to change…
hehe
Miss Dawn,
Some time ago I promised you more about vague and unavailable. This post starts the continuation by contrasting it with hardtoget, the female equivalent.
Guy
HElp! The women are hornier than the men! What to do with this problem?
AGM responds: We men welcome it. Why worry about free gifts?
Parenthetically, I suspect that faux horny and displays of pre-arousal lustfulness compensates the female psyche for abandoning the female nature. They lead, and men follow. Such women don’t like their femaleness, and so they duplicate maleness. Ariel Levy describes how excessive it has gotten in San Francisco. (Female Chauvinist Pigs—Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture)
Guy
My question is when do you tell the guy you are waiting until marriage? When it’s obvious they are putting the pressure on? What about for religious girls?
AGM responds: Treat him respectfully. Men believe better what they figure out, so let him figure you out as opposed to smashing him in the face with it. Females have a talent for indirectness. Also, religious girls have a great advantage in the beliefs and standards up to which they live and can talk about impersonally. Hardtoget implies talking about the simple and impersonal with subtlety and gentle conviction.
Guy
I love sex. I hate male nature. I love men. Just hate the way they are wired. I think this is what most women mean when they say that they hate men. Or, it means that I hate what I have to do in order to align myself with nature.
Miss Dawn-
I think that if it’s “nature” then there’s not much we “have to do in order to align” ourselves with it. It’s actually already innate in us to be this way….it’s just that with the rise of feminism and pop culture’s influence, we have been bombarded with the wrong information. So I think that it’s very “natural” for us to be this way. The only reason it might seem like we have to try to be this way now and have to work toward it is because society has taught us wrong for so many years.
Sir Guy,
Your blog came to mind as I became familiar with the story behind ‘Turandot’. Princess Turandot responds to suitors’ requests for her attention by presenting them with three riddles. If answered correctly, a candidate wins her as his bride. If answered incorrectly, a candidate faces execution. Quite the HardToGet campaign.
Playing hardtoget is crucial to make it out alive from the dating scene. You gotta play the game or stay on the bench.
Your Highness Brown Eyes,
You’re absolutely right, plus you have to be patient, not show eagerness to have a boyfriend, and know the difference between commitment (his words) and devotion (his actions).
Guy