Germaine commented and wondered at post #425: “…why men never seem to kind of ‘fall in love’, or why they can so easily dismiss marriage these days?” Her wondering inspired this post.
The answers lie with respect and the lack of it. Women make their selves:
· Appear disrespectful of men. They reject their own strengths in the name of Feminism—strengths such as feminine mystique, female modesty, and virginity.
· Appear less significant to men. They don’t exploit female-friendly customs and institutions that elevate females to superior stature and status—such as marriage, monogamy, and morality.
· Appear stupid. Out of envy they imitate male weaknesses—such as aggressiveness, uncontrolled anger, masculine-style sexual freedom, egregious foul language, and sloppy and careless apparel and grooming.
· Appear dumb. They devalue their assets—such as chasteness and other masculine-identified virtues.
· Appear to neither appreciate nor respect their gender. They steal husbands and boyfriends, demean female respectability, and allow family dissolution.
· Appear as adolescents, hardly more advanced than in their teens. They ignore the wisdom of mothers and grannies out of disrespect for authority figures.
· Appear inferior. They act that way. They never learn to compensate for low self-esteem, elevate their self-image, and clearly translate their hopes and dreams into practical self-interest. Overly eager and often desperate for a man, they do all the wrong things to make themselves permanently appealing.
· Appear as incompetent mothers. They dress like whores while fathers frustratingly try to teach daughters how to succeed with males sans sex.
· Appear as beginners in the battle of the sexes. They combine the things above to make women no better than guys. So, men conquer and move on; women weep and long for Maalox relief from relationship reflux.
· Appear in cooperative role before marriage and competitive role afterward—that is, the exact opposite of what earns and holds a man’s respect.
Consequently, women live as the weaker sex. Men have nothing more exceptional than themselves to look up to, and so they look down on women.
As to the ultimate cause, radical feminists tried to suppress male dominance. The feminist effect glorifies it. Men do not change their nature as radicals dreamed, so females drowned their feminine spirit by duplicating males.
So, what’s to love? What’s to marry? Where does the respect come from that serves as the foundation for a man’s enduring love?
10 Comments
12/31/2008 at 9:40 pm
Oh Dear! Sadly, what you have written, I see everywhere. How do girls that know better compete with all of this? I have a teenage daughter that feels overwhelmed by the way boys her age behave, and the way these boys kind of exhalt the raunchy behavior of so many girls. My sons are not all that interested in girls. They find them sexy at times, cute too. They certainly look.
But, they tell me, once the girl opens her mouth….something just doesn’t seem right.
I feel a deep sadness for my teens, well actually, now I have two young adult males. And from my point of view, honestly, a part of me is glad my boys are so critical. I don’t like what I see in most girls either. I just cannot always put my finger on the exact problem. Maybe most of it is the “in your face,” attitude. It is not that I see my sons as saints, I worry about them at times, but, the girls…ouch. Something is not right.
Then, my daughter. She dislikes the attitude of the males. It is as if a girl is dirt if she is not a little tramp. She isn’t feminine if she isn’t wearing a hot skirt, and perfect. If she doesn’t have sex, well the guy can find a girl who will. She is so worried about this. I tell her that her Father wasn’t like that. My husband never expected such things. She tells me…”That was Dad.”
These are samples of a few of the conversations that come up here and there in our home. Sometimes, I just don’t know what to say to encourage my children. I do the best I can to encourage them to stick to their ideals. But, they feel the sting of their day.
Thank you. Germaine
01/01/2009 at 2:50 pm
Germaine,
“She isn’t feminine if she isn’t wearing a hot skirt.”
You have this a bit wrong. She isn’t *sexy* (i.e. “hot”) if she isn’t wearing a hot skirt. I won’t even get into the tragedy of how the original meaning of the word sexy has changed to what it is now…but anyway. “Sexy,” aka “hot” gets you sex. “Feminine” gets you a whole lot more. especially these days, but girls (and some grown women) need to harness THAT power.
Think about what was the common man’s debate of Ginger versus MaryAnn (re: Gilligan’s Island), then you’ll get what I’m talking about. :>
01/01/2009 at 4:50 pm
Sorry, I am just stating the new definition I have experienced. If I am communicating this correctly. I have heard males, describing girls who are wearing..very, very short skirts and rather revealing clothing as being very feminine. This to me, is not feminine. It bothers me and my daughter.
01/02/2009 at 12:50 pm
What I have experienced lately, by both old and young males and “older” women is this notion that ANYTHING that looks, what I’ll call “sexy-feminine” is hot/skank or something you’d wear to “the club.” The tragedy is that our society has lost language to describe women who are dressed in a way that is a strong prototype, defining “the sex” (the original meaning of sexy) and what “sexy” has now become…which is “hot” or “worthy of sex” or “skank.”
I was living with a family and I wear VERY feminine (albeit film noir “vamp”) clothing. Fitted a-line or pencil skirts. Button-down blouses. Body conscious clothing. Sensuous fabrics. 4-inch heels.
Men of all ages treat me VERY differently than other women who are wearing the “hip” micro minis or low-rider jeans that show off (wearing purposely or accidentally) one’s thong, or spotting some “Tom Jones-esque cleavage.” Lol! The woman of the house made some comment about how I’m “dressed for the club.” I looked at her like she was looney-toons, which made her voice taper off. Mind you, this is a woman who wears the androgynous, boxy, “women’s pantsuits” and clothing that would be described as “comfortable, cotton coordinates.” Her husband is EASILY a foot taller than she is, and has a good 5olbs on her, yet she’s the one MOWING THE LAWN!! I just thought to myself…”yeah, I’m supposedly dressed like I’m ‘going to the club,’ yet you and your boxy pantsuits are out there mowing the freekin lawn!!”
!!NOT IN MY LIFETIME!!
But the thing is, for her there was no “feminine” anymore either, so I can’t just blame the guys. Either you’re “a skank” no matter what level of feminine to sexy clothing you’re wearing, or you’re “a smart girl.” Ridiculous. Her GROWN daughter (I have about 10 yrs on her) and I were talking when she came home for the holidays (she’d moved to Mexico). And she was telling me that she’d gone through this complete “feminising” process having moved to Mexico…and how in the States, somehow there’s this attitude that you can’t be smart AND feminine, so what happens is that the “smart girls” start snotily running around wearing the fashion equivalent of burlap sacks, to indicate how smart and *above* all that oppressed female stuff they are and then the women who do want to be in that camp end up going to the other extreme and doing the skank-wear/masculine sexuality stuff to show that they’re something *besides* smart. She said that it was a struggle for her to appreciate looking womanly…but luckily she was in Mexico where the men appreciate–and understand–feminine looking women. They understand the difference between “feminine” and “skank.” The problem is that there’s NO LANGUAGE or understanding like this for the sexily-feminine woman in the United States. Or what would have been called a “career girl” back in the day.
I was on a date with a gorgeous attorney and we were talking about clothing. I mentioned that I actually dress “sexier” for work that I do for dates. He was addled. He couldn’t imagine what that meant, because I was wearing the hip jeans (no panty shows though!), and a body-conscious top with a touch of cleavage. He though it meant like super-mini skirts and see-through tops. I just laughed and said “nooOOoo.” I was trying to explain what I call “sexy librarian” outfits, and he just didn’t get it. Hah hah!
Think about it Germaine, what models are there in current society for such a look? Such a look that was extremely popular in the late 30’s to 40’s. EXTREMELY tailored women’s clothing. There’s NO model for it today, which is especially a shame for the women who have very defined hour-glass figures…those clothes were made for them!! Clothes like that for the hour-glass shape are better than feminism…better than money! You can get almost anything wearing a good classic 40’s-style tailored outfit and having an hour-glass figure!! But women today believe power is in panty flashes and sexing like it’s going out of style!
Tried to explain this to my date. He still didn’t get it. No model for it in popular culture, but he was mesmerized by the idea of what that must look like. Threatened me with showing up at my job! Now that’s power…especially when you’re talking a man in his late 20s trying to make partner at his law firm. Taking a day off work for them is like taking a month off from work!! ;>
You and your daughter need to ignore the hype. If she’s feminine AND strong…trust me, the boys will notice because she’ll stand out. She’ll stand out as different from ALL THE OTHER GIRLS. If anything, you might have to teach you daughter how to deal with having more male friends than female friends, compared to her female peers. There’s a difference between male friends and male suitors. In my lifetime, my male friends–BETTER than my female friends–have kept me/advised me out of dating drama with menfolks.
Also, go to post 415. I’d listed a website there for Miss Dawn to check out…can’t hurt helping your daughter get a head start on avoiding “stupid dating behaviors!” :>
01/02/2009 at 12:53 pm
Sorry…
I meant, “then the women who DON’T want to be in that camp.”
01/02/2009 at 2:24 pm
Stacy Said “…how in the States, somehow there’s this attitude that you can’t be smart AND feminine, so what happens is that the “smart girls” start snotily running around wearing the fashion equivalent of burlap sacks, to indicate how smart and *above* all that oppressed female stuff they are and then the women who do want to be in that camp end up going to the other extreme and doing the skank-wear/masculine sexuality stuff to show that they’re something *besides* smart…”
Jesus Chirst! You just described the conflict of my life that wasn’t resloved until I was 27 years old. I see it everywhere especially with African American girls. It’s like they are either skanky, sloppy, or “butch.”
Femininity in my culture is translated as: Matronly, old-lady, boring, unnatractive to young women.
The problem is that too many girls have not gotten the love and validation they need at home and almost none of them have fathers- so they are terrified to dress in any way that would cause male “attention” to be drawn away from them. they have no concept of hwo a man approached a woman who doesn’t have everything hanging out- truly sad sad sad…..
01/02/2009 at 4:21 pm
The difficulty is that practice makes perfect:
Girls/Women who are doing the extreme skank thing never learn how to “turn down the volume.” They don’t understand there’s a time and place for different levels of feminine to sexy to “hot” looks. Unfortunately, they just get tossed into the “skank” category which, of course, invites all kinds of bad treatment from men.
Girls/Women who are doing the extreme burlap sack thing never learn how to be comfortable looking feminine…that it doesn’t make them an airhead to look feminine. It’s almost like they’re afraid–deathly afraid–to embrace the feminine aspect of themselves. They never learn how to “turn up the volume” on their fashion. They too don’t understand there’s a time and place for different levels of feminine to sexy to “hot” looks. Unfortunately, they just get tossed into the “masculine energy-competitive smart woman” category which, of course, invites all kinds of bad treatment from men.
Lol! Different ends of the continuum result in the SAME treatment!
I recently finally hit my goal weight, so I had a practically brand new JCrew pantsuit to give away. I tried to give it to the woman of the house, Carol, that I talked about above. It was craziness, she was SOOO reluctant to take it. Hello, a JCrew suit? Highly unlikely that you’re going to be mistaken for a prostitute wearing it! But they definitely have a more female/feminine shape to them than what you get in the “mature woman’s” stores. It was wild. She was all “Oh no. I can’t wear that. It’s too young. It won’t fit me. I won’t look good in it. Etc etc etc.”
This is a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. She goes running every day. Plays tennis 4 times a week. Walks the dog…on top of mowing the lawn! Lol! She is in amazing shape. Petite little size 4 figure. But she is eternally wearing these frowdy (frumpy and dowdy) outfits. I left the suit with her for the holiday. Luckily, her daughter, Kim, who I mentioned above, stayed on her about it. Harassed her endlessly until she finally tried it on. Kim told me that her mom looked instantly 1) hip, 2) YOUNGER, and 3) super-sexy {{*gasp*}} in that elegantly dressed fashionable way. The best part is Carol couldn’t wait to show me when I got back. She was all preening in the mirror and stuff. Smiling at her reflection. Her husband was also smiling at *that* reflection. Heh heh!
She started pulling all these cute outfits from the back of the closet that she used to wear “a long time ago” and trying them on. It was the best. :>
01/02/2009 at 5:39 pm
I found that living in Italy got me OUT of the “dress down” mentality so pervasive today (the grunge era of the 90s didn’t help). The women there are very femine- sometimes to the point of being too sharp or trendy. but in Europe, you can be unapoligetically feminine in your dress and behavior (maybe why I tend to do MUCH better with European men than with American men). I came back to the US as a well-dressed female who *gasp* wore scarves and cute shoes to church in the summer instead of beach flip flops. Somehow I felt odd and out of place- like I somehow didn’t fit in.
01/02/2009 at 6:36 pm
Easybreezy!
YES!! Italy will immediately get you out of that rut! I remember the first time I went to Italy and this woman comes by wearing stilettos, slim skirt, and a cashmere sweater with a bust that would make the gods jealous…pushing her baby in baby stroller!! I was like, “Yes. Stacy. You are finally HOME!” I have found that Italian/Foreign men (I’m currently living in the Northeast) gravitate towards me. More than likely it’s because of how I dress. Happy To Be Me–Burlap Free! :>
01/03/2009 at 3:10 am
Stacy-
The only problem with European men (and I know many) is they all want to avoid getting married and just live together…in some ways that mentality is engrained in their culture in worse ways than here in the US. They are also mostly atheist (a dealbreaker for me). They will court better, woo better, and be crazy for you more easily than American men, but at the end of the day they still expect sex w/ no comittment. Sigh….