Moms develop certain habits in kids that help shape their dreams. Childhood habits and dreams become adult reality.
J Having to dress neat, clean, and as something deserving of compliments evokes admiration and respect from others. Most important, however, it programs a kid’s mind that whatever the occasion, it’s special and deserves careful attention. (Thus, mom has the power to make everyday special, although her neat and clean standards pay off better if lower for boys than girls, since that’s how it pays off in adulthood.)
© Little girls kept looking neat, feminine, and cute until it becomes habit also dream about looking their prettiest as a woman. (Paraphrasing G.B. Shaw’s heroine of Pygmalion and My Fair Lady, Eliza Doolittle: The difference between a little girl and a lady is not the way she acts but the way she’s treated.)
N Little girls attired and groomed as adults and especially beauty contestants, ala Jon Benet Ramsey, learn about fakery, phoniness, and how to hide them.
J Little boys made to habitually dress up only for special occasions such as church learn how to prioritize and choose appropriate attire in adulthood.
N Little boys made to dress up too often beyond play clothes or for insignificant events forego rebellion until teen independence arrives.
N Little girls not upheld and promoted for their princess-like uniqueness grow up with weakened feelings about their uniqueness and strength of their female identity. They too easily accept masculine values, standards, and expectations, which makes it worse.
N Little girls treated the same as little boys, in order to be recognized, learn to act more like boys. In adulthood their relationship expertise is weaker. This leads to depression caused by poor habits that can’t sustain a relationship with a man. (Too much familiarity and not enough differences morphs into too little of his respect and not enough of her self-respect.)
v School is as special an occasion as kids have to dress for it instead of themselves, peers, or popularity. Special occasions require special attention, which produces better outcomes.
M Moms that legitimize and add credence to the popularity-seeking and peer-pleasing desires of childhood lay groundwork for future misery for family and child.
M Kids given weird or highly unusual names learn to accept ridicule, which either doubles or takes the fight out of them when ridiculed for other things. (The Boy named Sue syndrome, I guess I’d call it.)
M Kids not taught to find the people and things in life for which to be grateful lack the inclination in adult life. Since happiness flows out of gratitude, such kids find they have little to be happy about as adults.
Children are much more than their genetic inheritance, and moms lead the way in shaping it.
1 Comment
02/21/2009 at 8:01 pm
“Little girls not upheld and promoted for their princess-like uniqueness grow up with weakened feelings about their uniqueness and strength of their female identity. They too easily accept masculine values, standards, and expectations, which makes it worse.”
Sadly, very very true. And we’re more than merely lucky when an extraordinary influence comes into our lives and gives us back to our true selves by treating us as feminine women.