Self-image (aka self-concept) buds in infancy, blossoms in toddlerhood, explodes in the tweens, blooms again in the teens, and tends to settle down in adulthood.
· Definition—Self-image is the mental and spiritual ‘picture’ a person has of Self. Who he is in life and how he fits in his world.
· It identifies us to us. From it, we know who we are, how we mix with our world, what we can and can’t do. When fully developed, it tends to restrict us to doing what’s ‘normal’ for Self.
· The roots lie in cooing, crying, smiling, and whatever else produces feedback to the infant. Added to genetic hardwiring, loving care and encouragement program the subconscious mind about its ability to affect its world, to influence its surroundings.
· Toddlerhood opens the door to testing the world, examining realities, and programming the subconscious with a steady stream of new abilities—new ways to view Self. The greater the exploratory and adventurist nature of a toddler, the broader and deeper spreads his self-image.
· Development of self-image explodes in the tweens. Kids face new pressures, social structures, and experiences outside the home. Greater accomplishments and varied experiences morph into a much enlarged self-image.
· Puberty inflicts temporary damage that may turn permanent. Self-image undergoes doubts and confirmations to make Self fit into a world rocked with hormonal hurricanes. But, it didn’t come to stay, it came to pass.
· Self-image blooms again in adolescence. It’s a growth period. Boys expand their search for independence and significance. Girls expand their search for involvement and meaning. Self-image grows with successes, narrows with failures, and steadies out with acceptance of Self as the third decade of life arrives.
As with adults, self-image sets boundaries on our behavior, which we usually observe. When we don’t, we take corrective action or rationalize to explain or excuse it to ourselves and others. Our self-image keeps us on the track we imagine as right for our life.
5 Comments
02/26/2009 at 6:26 pm
Guy,
Tonight we had a special speaker come and speak to the moms in the support group I volunteer for. He was teaching speaking on child sexual abuse and dispelled the myth that it’s “strangers” who molest, but usually people the parents and kids know. What was interesting is that on the handout “What can you do to help prevent child sexual abuse? that he gave to the moms, he had listed “Teach children about modesty; dressing in the bedroom and privacy in the bathroom.”
It got me thinking a little. Is it that the rate of pedophilia has suddenly “increased” in the past number of years, or is it that in our new “modern, laissez-faire, and sexually aware era,” we are no longer providing our kids with the tools and boundaries that help to enable them to intuitively recognize dangerous individuals and avoid being prey…which then morphs into poor relationship skills and boundaries as teens and into adulthood.
Your Highness Stacy,
You’re both right on. I especially like his point about modesty etc. However, I see deeper, hidden, and subtle causal factors. These two kids make prime candidates for victimizing.
A child with low self-esteem reaches out or searches for attention, recognition, and whatever will make him like himself better. Flattery can make such a kid forget his best interest in favor of a new interest, which may be predator bait or new adventure.
A child with a low self-image feels he has very limited control over his world. New ventures can be attractive and exciting, so he tests his real world by going along with either predator bait or a potentially improved picture of himself and his role in the world.
It’s far more complex than I describe. For example, a kid could dislike himself intensely and even see his role in life as having no meaning. It’s a double whammy for being victimized or coached into a closet world.
Guy
02/26/2009 at 11:10 pm
Can you please get back to your basic blogs. Im not a mother. . . and neither are alot of your readers.
Your Highness Jessica,
Coming up tonight.
Guy
02/27/2009 at 12:54 pm
Hi Guy,
I’m so glad that you voice and understand these dynamics of childhood sexual abuse from a victims point of view.
I just wish you would remember the reality you just described earlier when you begin your discussions of “Virtual virginity” and all the profound truths of this blog.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to for the child you decrible above- the girlchild with low-self esteem who has “for[gotten] her best interest in favor of a new interest, which may be predator bait or new adventure.” to practice all of the values and principles decribed so eloquently in this blog?
Almost all feminists had this beginning- somehow we have to have compassion for them before we can go into the feminism bashing.
02/27/2009 at 1:23 pm
Ahhh Miss Dawn,
…but just as we can quickly bash men for losing *their* “eye on the prize,” so must we for the feminists. Discriminatory (or favoritist, depending on your angle) behavior goes both ways. Neither is right and both should be called on the carpet when they fail.
…Particularly when it’s our kids on the line. And when I say “our,” I mean humankind’s.
Guy’s–or my–faulting isn’t the child’s. We’re talking about the adults in their lives…both the supposed (or SHOULD BE) “protectors” and the “abusers.”
02/27/2009 at 10:08 pm
Can Mothers have a few blogs?
Your Highness Denise,
Look in the CONTENTS page at blog top for What Women Never Hear and also Weans, tweens, and teens. Each series has a dozen posts aimed at mothers.
Guy