556. Response to Viewer — Item 10


Becca emailed this: I do have a question that I feel is overlooked by many people advocating holding off on sex with a man until he has proven his devotion… what if you just happen to love sex? Obviously one of the “prizes” for men upon marrying a woman is securing a stable sex partner, but what are women to do if they enjoy sex just as much? I’m not so sure I could keep things at such a “platonic” level during courtship, especially if I’m really attracted to a man… or at least I never have been able to. Any advice for a girl with seriously raging hormones?

AGM responds:

First, I don’t offer advice. I try to describe life, and you make choices with new information.

Second, if you value sex above a permanent male partner, continue as you are. However, if you wish to change, think about other things and act differently. We become what we think about AND DO.

Third, I believe the odds for capturing and holding a good man favor shuffling sex onto the back burners of a female’s life.

Fourth, if you sacrifice something, it becomes more important. If you do so with sex in order to uplift a man into husband, he becomes more valuable too. He will like that.

Fifth, some viewers may add something, and I encourage it.

Guy

16 Comments

Filed under Hook up and..., Uncategorized

16 responses to “556. Response to Viewer — Item 10

  1. Allison

    I know that Becca stated that she realllllly enjoys sex but, female to female, I can’t overstate the effects that sex has on females hormonally. That pesky hormone oxytocin. This hormone bonds new mothers to their children and women to sex partners. Maybe it hasn’t hit you full on yet, but do you want it to happen when you don’t want it to?

    Another point I want to make is premarital sex adds nothing but drama to a woman’s life. What if you become pregnant? STDs! What if you fall head over heels in love with a male you had sex with and you want more but to him it’s nothing but meaningless sex? “The One” just might slip through your fingers by having sex with him without you having being protected through legal marriage. These are the risks women take when dealing with sex outside of marriage.

    To me, the risks weren’t worth it. I was not a virgin when I got married, but I went through a period of celibacy. It definitely separated the men from the boys :) Then I met my husband. We waited until our honeymoon. I am extremely glad we waited.

    Men have nothing to lose by having premarital sex. Women have a lot to lose. We had a boatload of control sexually. We need to take it back.

    • Allison

      Sorry for being a blog hog today, but I have to add this also:

      A guy that is getting it outside of marriage will take his sweet ‘ol time getting around to proposing, IF he decides he still wants to get married to a woman that he already got/is getting the “ultimate benefit” from. There is a reason why males from way back in the day got down to business of getting married sooner compared to males today: they weren’t getting any! They knew what they had to do to get sex. So they got married, and much sooner than later. None of this dating for years and years nonsense and having engagements that dragged on and on. Plus society in general expected men to grow up and get married.

  2. theresa

    my thought’s exactly Allison, and this from a MAN on another blog”women LOOSE their power when they have sex before marriage, they should wait until marriage.

  3. Stacy

    The way I look at it is, the woman having a high sex drive is IRRELEVANT. Just like the guy having a high sex drive is IRRELEVANT. No one would say “a man who’s willing to wait until marriage for you MUST have a low sex drive.” So why do women think that somehow their high sex drive negates their ability to wait???

    Think about it from the inverse perspective. From the man’s perspective. Either you’re willing to wait or you aren’t. Sex drive has NOTHING to do with it.

    I’m currently seeing a guy who has NEVER been with a waiting woman. He’s even said “I respect your boundaries. I don’t like it, but I like you…so there’s that.”

    This man brings out all kinds of my “mantis tendencies,” he lights my fire so. He’s so..um..wow…he makes me gnash my teeth (in a good way)!! What does that mean? That means I avoid any and all situations that would aid and abet foolishness…on my part and at my hand!!! ;>

  4. Laura

    Women who have sex with a lot of partners also become jaded with sex. Several of my friends who have had a number of partners have told me they gradually just became disinterested.

    I’d HATE to have that happen! -

  5. easybreezy

    Great response Guy!

    I enjoy eating, but if I overeat, I will get out of shape. It takes discipline…and tons of resistance to peer pressure.

    I used to eat tons of suger. I have a sweet tooth. I looove sugary things. But for the benefit of my long-term health, and physical shape, I cut back on it a lot….a whole lot. Think of sex that way.

  6. Reina

    I am with you Becca-

    But even though I have an extremely high sex drive, I am extremely disciplined so it is a non-issue for me and I have successfully avoided premarital sex.

    My advice to you is what I have done- get very busy.

    Find a lot of things to do, and/or at least find something very physically active to burn up all that sex drive- it works, trust me. Dancing is good for it, as long as it is not a temptation for you.

    Find a hobby, volunteer, get a side job, keep you mind busy. Also take a note (pun intended) from Song of Solomon. “Do not stir up love until it is ready.” Do everything you can to either focus on things other than the guy you are interested in at the moment. Or, when you do picture him in mind, keep even your thoughts on non-sexual activities and situations with him, like imagining going on a date with him, but not sex.

    Stacy has a good one too- be sure to never even get close to a compromising position. Don’t start making out if that does it for you, certainly don’t go to his house, and don’t let him up to see your place. Only meet in public places and spend as little time completely alone as possible.

    Just my 2 cents….

  7. Reina

    “We had a boatload of control sexually. We need to take it back.”

    Oh Allison, that is so true.

    I was lamenting bitterly about this to someone just yesterday. I am so saddened that women don’t even know how much power and value they have, yet are so willing to trade it so cheaply, for so little. It is as Guy said, they give as a bribe what men should only have as a reward. If women only knew again how much they had, they would never, never, never, throw away something so valuable.

  8. Lilliput

    Just out of interest:

    1. How old are you ladies?
    2. How long does the courtship need to be?

    • Allison

      1. 32
      2. My husband and I date for about a year. That wasn’t too long or too short for me. IMO, anything over that is too long.

  9. theresa

    Save you’re passion for marriage, I know many people who have sex before marriage and are’nt as interested in it after, now how boring is that?This is just a practical point on top of all the other reasons.

  10. Lilliput

    Allison, let me get this straight – you were in your 30’s when you met your husband and you guys dated a year without having sex and then got married?

    I have been thinking about it and most of my friends had sex with their husbands on the first or second date.

  11. theresa

    lilliput, I’m 48 and have been married for 25yrs., we dated for 2 yrs. and first had sex afetr we were married.

  12. Stacy

    My decision to not have sex before marriage had/has nothing to do with “getting married.”

  13. Jill

    A great book to read on this subject is What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us by Danielle Crittenden (I believe that is how her last name is spelled). It is hard hitting and deals with a lot of “adult” subject matter but very worth reading. What our mothers didn’t tell us is that our youth will pass and ….

    When we give sex easily we give up so many other wonderful things; communication slows and (often) stops because the physical takes precedence…we lose respect from the man because men and women have very different views of sex…and, we lose a little piece of our soul.

    You’ll never have truly mind-blowing amazing sex until you’ve been married to a man who has committed to providing for you, loving your children and working hard for you….there is nothing like the sex that occurs between a man and a woman who have proven their love to each other. Unmarried sex is a cheap imitation. It doesn’t compare.

    My husband and I have been married for 27 years and have eight children together. You have no idea how empty your life is until you experience real love….but it doesn’t come cheaply.

    Your Highness Jill,
    You’re right about Danielle Crittenden’s book. I’ve spent a lot of time in it.
    Guy

    Guy

  14. Simplicity Evermore

    1. How old are you: College kid
    2. How long does the courtship need to be?

    As long as it takes to get to the point where you and your man are so comfortable that your ready for marriage. I mean, implicit, unwavering trust. I think courtship begins when a girl meets a guy and ends when they stop interacting or get married.

    I think that women who vacillate between total fear, anxiety and self doubt or happiness about their impending wedding are not yet ready to marry.

    (just my two cents.^_^)

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