Part I (570) describes men observing females. This flip side describes female preparing to be observed.
Females focus continually on how they appear. The female nature craves manly attention. She takes it as routine confirmation of her value to Self and to those she loves. Compliments work very well, but even flattery beats nothing. Known males are usually best, but strangers can be appreciated for attentions and what they say and do for her—if nice of course.
If father, husband, or boyfriend does not provide a sufficiency of attention, she yearns for more. Virtually any man can provide it, which is better than none, but good looking and eligible guys are much, much, much, much better—even if she’s committed to another.
Compliments confirm and reinforce value of herself to herself. Whatever her preparations and grooming for the occasion, she did well. Pride suffuses her spirit, and her prettiness and attractiveness are reinforced in both mind and appearance. She’s doing the right things with herself.
Denied the attentions she thinks she deserves, especially as a girl, disappointment sets in. Over time she becomes careless, desperate to get her own man, or disgusted with Self, men, or both. Greater absence of attention follows, and her self-image becomes so devastated that she rationalizes sloppy or manly appearance as her choice. Depression follows easily.
PS. Incidentally, women complain about hits from workers on construction sites. Women shouldn’t; they are not the sex object they presume. Men show off to buddies and outshine competitors with boasts and outrageous displays of bravado. She’s the vehicle they use and not the target, unless she acts suggestive or responds provocatively.
This is very true. I currently entering my first pageant at 22 years old and it feels wonderful. I can’t wait to wakeup in the morning and go to the gym, lol. Or visualize myself in that gown. Women were defenitely created to be observed and appreciated and this is most clearly seen in pageantry.
I can understand how some women don’t feel comfortable with male attention. It can feel threatening if it is coming from a *group* of unknown males (your the construction site example) with all the wooting and hollering that comes with it. This can lead a woman to cut back on looking good when she goes out, even though it shouldn’t.
I fully agree that little girls must receive positive comments about their appearance while young. Very young. The feminists will think that the wrong values are being taught to young girls, but young girls who are complimented positively on their looks by their parents, especially their fathers, are far less likely to end up lying under their boyfriends, or boys in general, when they get older.
I got hit on today, and yesterday, and I’m married! It felt good! Reminds me how good my husband has it
Well,
I have two thoughts if anyone cares to comment on them.
1) Since it is obvious and true that the “female nature craves manly attention.” Then what is to become of ugly, disfigured, unnatractive, or disabled women? Should we become terrorists?
2) When hideous men try to hit on me- it makes me want to puke. But when thats ALL that seems to hit on me- I want to die.
Should us women give up hope? A imfamous politician said that feminism was for ugly women and I’m not so sure that he was wrong. And although many people will say that the ugly women should lower thier standards- we do expect for that the men that are 2′s still want 10, and sometimes can get them with money.
I gues i’ll make it three….
3) Can someone tell me how much money it takes for an ugly, unnatractive woman to get a great guy?
Thanks
1. When women in general expect to be treated with respect and we act in a way that garners it, it will affect ALL women, even the less attractive ones.
2. Do you put yourself in places where the attractive and eligible guys are?
3. Do you mean you? Please don’t consider yourself those things
First of all, what is an ugly woman? I have seen women who were stunning physically…so much so that I (a woman) couldn’t stop staring at them..but then they opened their mouth and swear words starting pouring out of it. The woman suddenly became ugly and I felt sick listening to her words and observing her rotten attitude. There is a proverb that says, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion”…so true.
So you are physically ugly? It does mean you will have to work harder on your personality because you have a physical hindrance which people do see and judge (rightly or wrongly)…however…the world is filled with admired and loved homely and ugly people. I knew a guy in college who was short and homely and always had an unkempt look. After spending five minutes with him most girls fell over all him. Why? He had confidence, personality and charisma! Unbelievable but true.
Work on developing who you are. Find something to do that you LOVE. I love to speak in public and after I do I glow
. Do pottery, take a class, find lots of great people to hang out with (if you love crowds), serve others. Go volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center and counsel young beautiful women who have messed up their lives by trusting losers. Count your blessings! You will grow into a beautiful woman. Blame your lack of men on your looks and sit at home and become bitter (and uglier).
And, btw, I have heard it said that the feminist movement was instigated by weak men who supported angry women-I tend to believe that version of history!
Thanks Jill……
Hello d&f,
Yes i do mean myself. Isn’t it a fact that we are not all created equal when it comes to attractiveness? Is Whoopi Goldburg on the same level as Angelina Jolie?
Why is GUY silent on this issue? Is no one going to tell me the truth? That I’m doomed?
And while 100% agree with you that when women as a whole expect to be treated well it pours off unto less attractive women. But you must understand that that is NEVER going to happen.
I just wonder why no one coem out and tell me the truth. That I’m fat, ugly and cannot fulfill “arm candy” desire for a man. I belive with all my heart that if men could be strong enough to love me and not care what his stupid frinds think that i’d be happily married already.
I wish i could die and wake up as a blonde, blue eyes babe.
Then all my man problems would be solved!
Cmon you guys just tell me the truth!
Your Exceptionalness Miss Dawn,
Guy remains silent no longer on the issue of truth. You’ve punched my masculine problem-solving button once too often, and you will like much better the encouraging words that ladies offer. However, you might want to survey these truths:
• God loves you. Your sins are forgiven. So, you’re starting at the top and not the bottom. We never see better than when on our knees. Faith is not believing that God can, it is knowing that He will.
• God gives us free will, but using it to change our Self is very difficult. But we each have enough for a makeover with plenty free will left over.
• We are what we think we are, precisely because we think we are. Makeovers start with the mind. The body follows dreams and mental mandates, and appearance changes accordingly.
• Our body is the product of body chemistry, and control lies with what our mind determines that we eat.
• Everybody from time to time criticizes Self. Most manage to overcome or escape it. Step One says soften it.
• We all mistakenly think the faults we perceive in ourselves are easily seen by everyone else. No, not nearly so clearly, and not nearly so critically.
• Depression eases with a greater sense of control over events and life.
• Our subconscious mind governs 99+ percent of our behavior. It’s programmable by repeating different actions, different self-talk, and emotionally visualizing as already having what one seeks, wants, or needs.
• Makeover: Listen to the ladies that write to you here. Action cures fear. Action programs the subconscious. Action changes appearances. Action alters one’s thoughts. Action upgrades one’s opinion of Self.
Finally, regardless of what you may think. It wasn’t you or your sister in Oz that the house fell on.
Guy
It is true that less than attractive women have a harder time pulling guys. However, everyone has the power to make themselves over into something better. If you are “fat and ugly”, do something about it. Do you have a weight problem? Eat better and exercise
There are many free resources available to help you live healthier. Not only will guys be more attracted to you, more importantly, you will be healthier. You can improve yourself. If you don’t get up and do something, you will be doomed.
I would be saying the same thing to a guy with the same problem. I have.
As far as all women in general being treated right by males in general, it can happen again. Women in general today are just too brainwashed into thinking that it won’t work. It will work.
Hi Dawn
Let me tell you a secret. Yes, men, particularly very young men, want a woman on their arm whom their friends will admire. For some young men, that is all they want until they reach a certain level of maturity. These young(er) men tend to go for the very stereotypical “pretty girl”. They don’t even go for a truly beautiful woman because they are unsure how their friends will react to anyone different from the norm, even though the woman is a true beauty! But Dawn, these young men are still boys, and it is best to ignore them.
Real men *are* big enough to discount a woman’s physical faults, but you have to have a jolly good go at minimising these faults in order to attract a real man in the first place. You have to do this for your own sense of self-esteem, you have to do this because men are very visual creatures.
Now, I haven’t seen you, but I’d bet £50 that you are not “ugly” as you say, but are carrying quite a bit of extra weight, and because of this your self-esteem has plumetted because we don’t treat over-weight women very well in our culture. You’ve got two choices: join a dating agency for larger people OR lose some weight.
If you’ve got a lot to lose just set yourself 25 lb targets and just keep going, until you’ve reached a reasonable target, my other advice is that you should ignore the BMI figure your doctor gives you and concentrate on a “dress size” target. Many men like a woman who is a size 14,16,18. They don’t see these women as “fat” but “curvacious”. I’m an American size 16, an although I do dress to minimize my faults, I still get “looks”, and have been very happily married for 13 years now. Does this seem do-able to you? There’s a great website called “The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl” – this girl wasn’t far off 300lb when she started out, she found a husband half way through her weight loss (when she was about 200lb) and now she is 175lbs. Check her out, and her story.
I don’t want to be presumptious, but I don’t think Guy is answering your questions because he is unsure about how to react. Also, I think when Guy talks about female “prettiness” he means women who look nice; not stunning, or film-star lookalikes; but just “nice”. Most men do not look like Brad Pitt, and it’s only in their dreams they long for Angelina Jolie. Most men are average looking and want an average looking, nice looking girl. And, when they truly fall for this “nice” looking average kinda girl they don’t really see her faults, as long as she deosn’t change, as long as she maintains “nice”. In fact if a wife treats a husband well, her once average looks are elevated by him as true beauty. I think this is why Guy is unsure about defining the beauty/ugly/ men/women thing because when a man falls in love he’s blind to that sort of thing.
Dawn, you’ve got to get out of that rut of self-hate you’re in. What you want isn’t going to happen whilst until you go easy on yourself and act on what’s troubling you.
I hope my advice wasn’t too personal, and I wish you all the best for the future.
Your Exceptionalness Elizabeth,
You read and represent me very well. Thank you. I love it when pretty women do such things.
Guy
Elizabeth thank you so much for your words, it feels so good to just be validated about my struggle. I hate it when every acts all politically correct and completely discouting the terrible experinces I have- People throw things at you from thier cars, shout mean and nasty things, your refused to be let in clubs, and before you know it — you’re a nervous fucking wreck–
BUT, I do know what I have to do- I just started going to 12- Step Meetings. And thats it- there is nothing left for me to do but tackle the issue in that way. So, please pray for me everyone. I really want to change… everything.
I can go to the meetings and start to get some recovery. I just get so pissed because I see female that act worse than I do with boyfriends. If feel at first and then indignant. I hear guys tell these hideous stories abotu how girls cheated on them, stole from them, used them, shameless and all, and they are still being with them! Naturally I began tot wonder.
Indifference is one thing. But direct hatred is another. I’m not complaning about not being able to get a date. Yes, I do think I’m ugly because I’m fat but I felt I could never do anythign about it because I LITERALLY could not stop eating.
I always knew that something was wrong, but because the only eating disorders people accepted was anorexia and bulimia. SKINNY diseases! It wasn’t okay for you to make fun of a woman who is emaciated and full blown ribs showing.
But it IS okay to tease the 300 pounds fat girl who is facing severe health complications, and even in the light of the palin fact that if you keep eating like that you will die, you can FEEL the heart paplations as you chew on freid chicken and gulp down quarts of tropical punch.
You begin to eat out of the trash, shnlessly off other peoples plates. Its sick. It’s sad. And its a fucking sickening expereince to get laughted at.
I want to slit thier throats!
God, is there no one on this damn blog who has expeinced this?
Can Miss Dawn get a WITNESS from somebody?
I don’t need your advice- I need your UNDERSTANDING. I can’t USE your diet tips, and neither can most women in this society.
Food is the main comfort for many a woman, even the thin ones. For who cannot identify with the delights in which eating brings? The Metamorphis of texture as the crunchy edges of warm sourdough garlic bread mixes with your saliva forming a spongy paste across your tounge- while each tastebud tingles with garlic and is coated with a buttery finish?
The way pouring gravy on a heap of mashed potatoes can make you feel like a queen?
The anticipation of getting a scoop of the just-out -of-the-oven, home made from scratch with hints of sharp cheddar and a slightly browned crust that formed on top making the breadcrumbs extra crunchy?
The way a good burrito with extra sour cream and sliced avocadoes can make all your problems go away….
Anyway, I think i make my point.
Much love to all of you women. Thank you for your encouragement and putting up with my s^&t
Dawn, do your programme, and know this: your weight target doesn’t have to be tiny. Your weight doesn’t have to be tiny and you don’t have to give up the foods you love. People in the past managed to eat a variety of foods and maintain their weight. If you’re a foodie count your calories and watch your portions and don’t eat “low fat” anything. If you’re an obsessive type any of the fad diets may suit you, but if not, they’re unsustainable.
I’ve lost 60 lb (I got to 250 after the birth of my kids) and I’ve done it by sticking to 2000 calories a day and walking for an hour a day, except Sundays. Yes, at 250 I experienced the abuse, so I understand how your self-esteem has plumetted and how abuse drives you to comfort eat – hey, food is nice and it doesn’t judge. But, you have got to think of yourself, not other people, you have to let the past go and I know that’s hard. Do your programme. You’ll be amazed at how much a big girl can lose in just a week if you stick to a plan. Perhaps as much as 10 lbs, and that will be a real motivation to you.
Look, I’m praying for you. Think of the Fruits of the Spirit, one of them is “self control”. When I prepare food and eat I pray. ” Thank you for this food, Lord, and please give me a little self-control when it comes to portion size.”
God bless, and good luck.
Dawn, you are in my prayers. The 12 step program or something like it, I think would be helpful. It’s you’re thinking that needs to change. I know, I have the same problem(in a different area) and it’s alot of hard work. You have to work at it 24 hours a day,7 days a week. You have a hell of alot of courage, oh, and by the way, you should go into writing. Oh, and Dawn, when you find yourself marinating in these bad thoughts, change you’re thoughts immedialty, don’t marinate-elevate!(dr.laura). As Guy points out, we are what we think we are. DO NOT give in to this self hatred. Look at you! Look at all you’ve been through! Alot of people could,nt survive what you have. You sound darn special to me, you impress me every time I read one of you’re post, so thoughtful and deep. Some times I’m afraid to write a post on this blog because I sound like a ninny compared to you. God Bless you Miss Dawn!
I just came across this. I struggle with my weight too and I have almost given up on trying to lose because I have a very real thyroid problem. I can eat perfectly and lose 1 pound a month. I’m not kidding. So I do relate.
I refuse to beat myself up about it anymore. I know I have worth that has nothing to do with my dress size. I may or may not lose weight in the future. I’m open too it but I’m not going to put my happiness and usefulness on hold until I’m “good enough”.
BTW Whoopi Goldberg’s been married three times so I guess 3 men liked her enough to tie the knot right? Sadly even her funny personality and money couldn’t keep her marriages together. She appears to be a pro-choice feminist and from what I’ve seen, she doesn’t choose to wear feminine clothing much. That probably tells us something.
Who cares if you can attract a good man, if you can’t keep him and be happy? It’s better to be alone than be in a bad relationship! Love you Dawn.
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