Part I (570) describes men observing females. Part II (572) describes females preparing to be observed. Female mushy thinking highlights the following.
Some women dress down to prevent unwanted sexual advances aka hits. They rationalize careless, sloppy, and even manly appearance. Others use ‘hit prevention’ as rationale for dressing down out of laziness, carelessness, poor self-image, low self-esteem, or lack of interest in men.
They disregard this fact of life: By trying to prevent rather than handle the unwanted, they adopt a self-defeating mindset and attitude that reflects discredit on females and males.
It’s self-defeating, because it drives a wedge between them and natural behavior of men. They resent men doing what men do best and will never stop—eyeballing the lovely. However, many of these women hypocritically respond favorably when hits come from good looking guys. (Not hypocritical for being selective, but for trying to prevent hits in the first place. It adds phoniness to a woman’s attitude, and she will pay later for being phony.)
Such women reflect discredit on females. Their ‘hit prevention’ appearance discourages men from routinely affirming females as important to the social scene. This transmutes into pursuit of such women for conquest only. The women signal disrespect for themselves and men kind of isolate them into a third gender: ‘Good for sex only’ (if I don’t have to work hard to get it).
‘Hit prevention’ reflects discredit on males. Perhaps unwanted, but hits express a males’ view of a female’s value. Admittedly, he may also be testing for sexual availability. That’s what men do. They initiate sex, which calls for determining availability. How else should men do it? Wait for women to initiate? Hints are socially acceptable starters. Why should these women penalize men when they give women the choice? Like a knock on the door, she doesn’t have to say ‘come in’ or even answer.
A better way than hit avoidance exists for a woman to announce her standards to be above unwanted advances. Ignoring, smiling, and even chastising teach both females and males how to act. It shapes society to be more female friendly. If not then women aren’t doing it correctly. Correcting males about female values and standards also teaches men to help fulfill womanly expectations.
Wow – you have described me to a T. I’ve been afraid of my sexuality. Afraid of men and afraid of temptation. What to do?
Your Exceptionalness Princess Rita,
Action cures fear. I say again, action cures fear. Pay attention to ladies below. Also, you might read other articles listed in the CONTENTS page.
Guy
Princess Rita,
The fact that you have planted yourself at Sir Guy’s feet is an encouraging sign that you are healing and beginning to discover yourself as a feminine woman.
You can dress modestly without being dowdy or frumpy. You can ease yourself into a more feminine demeanor by adopting cheery colors in your attire, light makeup, a more flattering hair style, simple skirts and tops, etc.
I’ll be rooting for you! – I’m on the same journey.
Thanks Laura-part of my journey will be shedding the extra padding (fat) I’ve used to protect myself. The whole thing is a little scary but with God’s help, I can do it. Also need finances for all the wonderful new clothes…it’s going to be a long journey.
Start by appreciating your sexuality. Roll around in it! Be happy about being female. Go shopping for awesome, girly clothes and makeup. Look good when you leave the house. Respect guys, don’t be scared of them. Wait for a guy to give you a reason to not respect him. He has to BUILD trust, you just don’t give it away like sticks of gum. Don’t be all buddy with guys. Date them. Don’t pursue guys. The males are the pursuers. We accept or reject. Wait until you are married to have sex. The boys who just want tail will run far away when they figure out you are not a easy target. Stuff like that….
He he-I’ve been doing little else but reading your articles over the last couple of days. I’ve been at the feet of Lady Lydia for a few months, now I’m at yours.
“Like a knock on the door, she doesn’t have to say ‘come in’ or even answer.”
Ain’t that the truth
Women truly have the real power between the sexes. Nothing wrong with a guy trying, but it’s up that woman to decide if he can proceed or not.
“Ignoring, smiling, and even chastising teach both females and males how to act.”
These choices are a whole lot better than us women leaving the house looking like something the dog threw up to avoid getting hit on. How does looking bad make us feel better about ourselves?!?!?
Rita,
Padding your self confidence will help you. When you expect hits to come your way they won’t take you by surprise and feel scary or threatening. Believe in yourself that you will know how to gracefully handle hits when they come- welcomed and unwelcomed – so that you feel free to look and act like your true feminine self.
Early on I was too mushy headed and soft hearted to say no to dates with boys I didn’t want to go out with…which led to dates I didn’t want or enjoy…which led to me dressing down to avoid the invitations. Wonderful male friends made me practise saying, “No, but thank you.” over and over until I could say it nicely and calmly. They told me that was THE best response to uninteresting and unwelcomed invitations – the best response for both me and the boy I was turning down.
Here’s a great song to sing as you learn to revel in your feminine best – First Be a Woman by Leonnore O’Malley
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7N0ntm3UoZE
I hope it is ok to post that here – I think it would be Guy Approved
Your Exceptionalness LB,
I can’t hear it well enough, but I trust your judgment about the video.
Guy
Rita –
Take it easy while you’re in transition. Go with 2d hand if you can find decent things that fit; a friend of mine was telling me her daughter buys bags of things in her size at a local thrift shop – (pre-bagged, you pay $5 for the grocery bag full of clothes) – and finds all sorts of high-end designer stuff.
Stick to classics. A flowing skirt with a coordinating simple top is going to serve you better than a lot of other quirkier clothes. I’m shocked that I’m finding reasonable clothes in low-end stores like Catos; the “nice” stores seem only to be carrying crop trousers and tops that look as if pregnant teens are shopping there. Annoying! I’m 51, not 12!
Take it easy with the weight loss; I really believe a lot will come off on its own as a consequence of your taking better care of yourself – but that’s the key, isn’t it? Taking care of yourself.
We can do this!
Thank you ladies!