Female sexual freedom and stable marriages can’t co-exist.
♦ Unmarried women devalue virginity and abstaining on the premise that females are the same as or better than males, which entitles them to promiscuity, sexual adventurism, and even husband-stealing.
♦ Unmarried women promote female sexual freedom but still seek marriage. They contradict their own interests. Just one loose woman—whose freedom is non-judgmentally endorsed by the female subculture—can lure many husbands away from otherwise stable marriages.
♦ Unmarried women stress their independence visually instead of indirectly and thoughtfully. For example, they dress carelessly, sloppily, and even radically, when men feast with their eyes. Consequently, men focus on conquests and sex for the fun of it; little else holds masculine attention.
♦ Unmarried women—and they’re teaching girls by example—put their initial sexual encounter with a man high on their priority list. Thus, they use sex to make themselves worthy of him, which is the reverse of what works for permanent marriage.
♦ Unmarried women use casual sex to attract men, including husbands, even though this fails to earn a man’s devotion or obligate him for much beyond frequent and convenient sex.
♦ Unmarried women pursue and even initiate sexual relations with men for self-gratification. They shift men toward stud-service thinking and expanding their life away from what the majority of women seek. Elevating studliness devalues other female interests and teaches men they can disregard the hopes and dreams of females.
“Unmarried women promote female sexual freedom but still seek marriage. They contradict their own interests. Just one loose woman—whose freedom is non-judgmentally endorsed by the female subculture—can lure many husbands away from otherwise stable marriages.”
Unmarried sexually active women truly screws over both their nonsexually active single and married sisters. I don’t take away any blame from the married men that they sleep with (these guys KNOW they are married), however, sleeping with married men stabs all women in the back.
Your Loveliness Dogsandfitness,
Thanks for the wise perspective.
You just identified another difference between the sexes: “…sleeping with married men stabs all women in the back.” Sleeping with married women stabs only one man in the back. Unless you object, I’ll use it in a later article.
Guy
“…Unless you object, I’ll use it in a later article.”
That’s cool…
Hey Guy,
I am begining to become VERY confused. I have heard several men say that they are turned off by independent women. They claim that men like to feel needed and the “independent woman” excludes an attitude of being able to do it all by herself.
Other men claim to find independent woman sexy and arousing to their conquering ego. I can def see that a woman should be independent before marriage and quite dependent afterwards, but please detail which type of man likes what…
I mean I respect your analysis of the male mind and it have blessed me tremendously. At 22 years old I really don’t know how to carry myself I’m finding.
Please detail whether the “independent woman” is a desireable or not.
Your Loveliness Jessica,
Your confusion warrants an article. It’s too big for here. Look for it tomorrow morning.
In the meantime, Annie aka Theresa has already done a good job of clarifying the female side below. I will spotlight the male side.
Guy
PS. Unable to finish on time, so I’ll publish it morning of 6/12.
G.
No prob. Cant wit to read it.
Jessica,You’re question is for Guy but I’ll take a stab at it too. Men want a woman who is independant in the sense that she has a full and satisfying life and is’nt basing her existance in finding a man, relationship etc. She has friends,hobbies a job/school she enjoys. She is’nt dependant on a man for her happiness. The kind of dependance they do like is a feminine nedd for their care and protection ie., I keep harping on this book I know,read Fascinating Womanhood, you’re only 22, you’re at just the right age. The author talks about both these points. I know Guy will give you a good answere too.
Jessica, I’ll take a stab at you’re question. Men want and yes need us to be dependant on their care and protection. That’s a big part of their function. Like Guy say’s, they’re protecttors,providers and problem solvers. But, Men want us to have our own lives. That, I think it is “independance” they like in a woman. Our friends,interests,hobbies etc. We can’t expect a man to make us happy, thats our job. Men certainly bring happiness to our lives, but many women these days are only happy if they’re in a “relationship”. Whe you’re on a date, let them open doors,pull out you’re chair and all that good stuff
Oops, I used my middle name which I do sometimes do. I wondered why my post did’nt come up right away.
Hmmmm, thanks Annie. Thats a great prospective I’ve never heard.
Oh it’s so true! Men do love a woman who has an exciting life…or is just excited about her life.
Briefly (2-3 sentences!) tell a man, any man, about something positive and exciting that you are passionate about and watch his face light up! It doesn’t have to be anything big – heck, it can be your new nail polish color, or samba lessons, or a trip you are planning… and they will think you are SO cool.
Men are funny. They are not like us.
I agree with what you ladies have added to the post. The most attractive feature any lady can have is joy! A man may initially be attracted to a woman who is outwardly beautiful but if she is inwardly unhappy, peevish, complaining, bitter and self-centered the initial interest will not last long.
You may be overweight and homely but if you are at peace with yourself, can encourage and admire others and find joy in the little things in life…you can attract a man of character and strength ie., a great husband
.
Although Fascinating Womanhood is helpful, I appreciated the hard-hitting advice found in Created to be a Helpmate by Debi Pearl. It is a book written by a strong, uncomplaining Christian woman and she does not beat around the bush.
By the way, although men appreciate dependence, they don’t want a clinging vine. They want to know that they are needed (and, of course, each man is different in how this is manifested) but especially within marraige, a cheerful demeanor and optomistic outlook is cherished by men.
Blessings,
Jill
A couple who me and my husband have known since high school have gotten a divorce recently. He was having an affair, and when the wife kept trying to find out the reason why, he finally said”Geri, you just don’t need me anymore” I’m not excusing his actions but women need to remember, one of the most important needs of man is to be needed. With every action there is a reaction.
Guy- Please give me some encouragement. I see my sexually liberated female friends getting married left and right. I’m a bystander to this for the past 10 years. Sure they get screwed over by a lot of men…but eventually they get married. Women like me get passed over a lot because we don’t put out- and we get screwed over too anyway
!
I wrote about a friend whose philosophy was to sleep with a man as soon as possible because if he sticks around after, then you know he really likes you. Well, she just got engaged to a man (at least the 3rd she’s slept with in a year) after moving in with him on the 5th date or so and 7 months of dating. I’m confused???? Many of my friends do/have done this and they are approaching their 6,7,8th years of marriage with no problems in sight??? Help me understand!
Your Loveliness Easybreezy,
You asked for encouragement and a couple nice ladies responded very well I thought. So, I focus on your other concern.
You say, “Help me understand!” Okay, so you first!
YOU: Springing from your childhood hopes and dreams, you determined values, set standards, and identified expectations that you require for marriage. You’ve convinced yourself you need these things to ensure your man can help fulfill your hopes and dreams. It’s admirable logic and reason and guides you against feelings that spring up but don’t reflect what’s best for you. Congratulations to your parents for raising you to capitalize on the female nature so well and so maturely.
YOU: Can you fully realize what friends live with or just see surface effects? Marriage ain’t Utopia by a long shot, and women don’t admit to shortcomings until they’re intolerable and talking about it is more desirable than saving face. It’s especially so, if your philosophy and standards could have prevented their hidden misery. Yes, women have an ego and face to save.
YOU: Abandon your standards now and friends may ridicule or laugh at your prior ‘mistake’. That’s okay. You can tolerate it if you find a man, perhaps, but can you accept yourself for betraying your own principles and code of personal honor?
YOU: Unmarried women shape society, and you’re setting the example for younger girls. The very best and most effective influence is leadership by example.
———————
THEM: Because you have a very different philosophy than your friends, they’re unlikely to divulge their mistakes that your principles could have prevented.
THEM: Your friends made different choices. Consequences will follow, which may or may not be what you value for yourself. You see results without knowing the prices they pay. For example:
• Are the husbands worthy of wives? Did your friends choose well, adequately, or wrongly?
• Men don’t like used merchandise. Some may put up with it for awhile, and some maybe even forever, but none appreciate it. Every thought that passes through his mind about her past with other men weakens his regard for her. Do events rise often and stir husbands’ thoughts?
• If your friends survived the two-year glitch and seven-year itch, how about the 20-year ditch or switch? If it happens, it won’t be the result of any one thing but the accumulation of small irritants and intolerables that undermine bonding emotions. Those things you’re unlikely to perceive, although if it’s husband’s fault, you’ll doubtless be told.
• Regrets often surface later from risky behavior.
• Which dominates your friends’ relationships: trust or suspicion? Events that cause suspicion trigger husband to wonder how many men she slept with. Would she do it again? Has she already? Anyone he has to face? Are old boyfriends still around? Do you envision these thoughts adding peace to their relationship? Would you consciously invite such turmoil into your man’s thoughts?
• Platonic courtship automatically generates trust. Premature marriage doesn’t and especially if unmarried sex was involved.
• Do your friends’ marriages reflect enough affection for her and respect for him? Mutuality is best formed in platonic courtship.
• When individuals and couples live up to something higher than their selves, they develop admirable characters. They also learn the value of respect, trust, and gratitude for one another. Has shortcutting God’s word about fornication and perhaps adultery weakened their relationships?
• Did your friends choose good men? Good enough for you? If not, why? Are the husbands team players or inclined toward me-first?
The world isn’t what it seems. Modern women lead lives of quiet desperation, and many are ensconced in marriage. The better your choice of a man, the less likely it will happen to you.
Guy
I’m not Guy (really?), but I’m gonna take a stab at this.
Strange things happen. Sometimes people do the exact opposite of what they should and still get what they want. It seems……
I am willing to bet that your friends went through a lot of pain and turmoil, that you don’t know about, before getting to where they are. Is it worth all that to get “The Ring”? NO! Women CAN avoid 95% of grief in their dating lives by dating smart (no sex, dating multiple guys, looking good, having a full life, and so on…)
Engagements don’t always lead to the actual marriage. More engagements fail more often than you know. Even the marriages that follow this type of dating will be, more likely than not, low quality ones. Your friends didn’t test these guys’ characters. Saying no to premarital sex is a wonderful tool to see just how much character a guy has. Your friends didn’t see sex as the prize that it is for a guy to give up his independence before the wedding. He won’t see it that way after the wedding.
Just because you don’t see any problems in your friends’ marriages doesn’t mean that there aren’t any.
Stick to your guns. The odds of most women dating stupidly and still getting married are slim! Your sanity and self-worth are not worth the risk.
Easybreezy, I’m sure Guy will have some very keen observations and thoughts to share but maybe this will hold you over until Saturday.
I’m sure sometimes by chance and by the grace of God some marriages that start off the wrong way can “work” but many don’t. Just because a marriage lasts a number of years doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a happy one and it doesn’t mean it can’t end later.
I did everything wrong with my ex-husband. IN a nutshell, I wasn’t a Christian yet when I met him and thought I was being such a “good girl” to wait two whole weeks before I slept with him. I cringe with shame to think about it now.
Our marriage was full of distrust. I trusted him but he didn’t trust me-probably because he saw how easily I slept with him. Funny thing is, he is the one who was unfaithful. This was not a happy marriage and he was not the greatest father either. We lasted 11 years before it ended. He ended up in a long term affair with another woman and I finally divorced him. The saddest, saddest part is, we had two children together and they lost their father. He’s around, but it’s not even close to the same as living in their home, guiding, teaching and loving them. It was very damaging to them. By the grace of God, there haven’t been any major issues like drug/alcohol use, pregnancy etc. but the emotional damage is definitely there.
Please, please hold out for God’s best even if God’s best is living as a happy, busy single woman. It is far better to live alone than to marry a faithless man. Please hang in there!
I know. Strange things do happen. But the way things work in reality seem so much to be the opposite of what Guy writes in this blog. Like my friend in question. Her new fiance seems to really value and cherish her. He’s over the moon that she said yes.
And I don’t want to operate like the rest of the world does even though they seem more successful at the whole mating/dating thing. There seems like little incentive to hang on to your values.
Guy- thanks for your response and words of encouragement. You always remind me why I love this blog and should stick to my guns no matter what the cost!
I really understand your frustration. I’ve been single for many years and it can be very lonely.
I hope you can hang in there. It will be worth it.
Thanks Rita
. You too!