Her Highness Jessica at article 584 claims to be confused. It seems wonderfully normal at age 22 when she says:
♦ “I have heard several men say that they are turned off by independent women.… Other men claim to find independent women sexy and arousing to their conquering ego…. Please detail which type of man likes what.
RESPONSE: ‘Turned off’ means his motives are suspect, and he fears commitment and avoids investment of Self. [More at 587 tomorrow] ‘Sexy and arousing’ means he reacts naturally, and he appreciates the challenge. He’s much less likely to fear commitment or avoid investment of Self.
♦ “Please detail whether the ‘independent woman’ is a desirable or not.”
RESPONSE: Female independence is not a disqualifier but a qualifier just like character, likeability, and interests. It does not disqualify her for desirability, except as befuddled, narrow-minded, or adolescent-minded men think, imagine, fear, or manipulate it.
In fact, her independence in single life is essential to qualify men as worthy of her instead of vice versa. The question is how much independence? The answer is whatever she needs to gain and maintain control over her single relationships. (Also watch for article in two days entitled 588. Dominance Prevails: His or Hers?)
I view smart women at least this independent: Mostly through the eyes rather than ears, she makes each guy absorb her actions and words, interpret them, and feel this unstated message in his heart: “No way, big guy, can you expect me to do your bidding without you paying many dear prices, which I will inform you about from time to time as we progress toward you fitting into my model of what a good man should be.”
All conveyed indirectly, of course, with a joyful spirit and smiles. Unless, that is, she’s so independent that she burns bridges behind her.
Her independence is strictly her business and any man can define it as likeable or unlikeable. Especially if he claims ‘turn off’, it should influence her not a whit. His motives are suspect. [Details next post]