‘Pretty’ is how she looks to herself. She’s done her best to attire and groom herself well. Her physical attributes shine and physical weaknesses go unnoticed to her.
· Prettiness to men fades as femininity gives way to masculinity and feminist pride.
· Men know very little about ‘feminine’. They don’t know what makes it; they just like what they see. They can individually cite a few prettifying traits or characteristics. But generally they accept and live with whatever females present. They make judgments based on that.
· Men are not in the business of generating pettiness or femininity, feminine behavior, or distinctions. Women are, because they need a man more than men need a woman.
· Making herself pretty for a man leads to disappointment every time his reaction does not match her expectation.
· Pretty can be summarized as her female magnetism. She’s good company, fun or companionable, and looks ‘great’ to him. But it varies to an infinite number of degrees, situations, and men. This makes manly reactions unpredictable, which translates to this: She prettifies herself solely to make herself feel good about herself. Anything beyond that risks disappointment and belittling of herself.
The next post concludes this series.
“She prettifies herself solely to make herself feel good about herself. Anything beyond that risks disappointment and belittling of herself. ”
I understand and have experienced the second sentence, but the first, not so much. I like myself fine whether prettified or not.
Are you saying we should prettify more for society than for a specific man? I think I could get on board for that. I could get get on board even more for prettifying because I like the feedback I get from society when I do so. Am I making sense?
I’m sure the prettifying should probably also include the “unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” as spoken of in the bible. Gentle and quiet as opposed to opinionated like me.
Your Loveliness Princess Rita,
You’re uncommonly blessed to like yourself prettified or not. You’re also blessed with wisdom to appreciate the merits of prettifying for society rather than a man. Well done.
Guy
Hmm. You say that “Women need a man, more than men need a woman.” (?) In observing family members, my personal observation has been that a woman (e.g. a widow) usually has many interests to keep her occupied and so many people to serve, if she has friends, children, and grandchildren, so she manages very well without a man. But a man (e.g. widower) has trouble cooking for himself and difficulty keeping himself busy, and he feels the loneliness more keenly. The feminist movement propelled women into the marketplace; with having careers outside of home and often marrying late, women have thus found themselves forced to exercise capability in realms where they might not have done so otherwise. Please, Guy, will you elaborate on your statement? I’m not sure why you say that a woman needs a man more than a man needs a woman.
Your Princessness Sharon,
I agree with you that widows and divorcees seem to need a man much less in their later years, but I think it’s because they do have so many ‘outside’ interests to keep them occupied. Of course, too, experience makes them more particular. Given the choice of a good man pursuing for marriage, however, I think most would choose to marry. Notice too, how much more successful they are when the elderly do choose and marry.
The behavior of younger women speaks too loudly and confirms my statement. Why else do so many time after time violate their own best interest just to have a man, boyfriend, shack up, lover, or husband, and then break it off to try again?
Guy
“She prettifies herself solely to make herself feel good about herself. Anything beyond that risks disappointment and belittling of herself. ”
Bravo! This is right, and goes hand in hand with a woman putting her own heart first. I “prettify” my
self because I think it is fun, I feel good, and I am kind to others who look at me all day.
BTW, I am a former Hill staffer…I did not feel pretty in that world. It drained all the femininity out of me…took years to recover. I guess I needed to be more hardheaded.
Your Prettiness LB,
I love recovered Hill staffers. They have a worldview purified by having been filtered through so much phoniness.
Guy
Hey LB. Is your gravatar a muzzle? Whoa!
LOL Yes! It does look to be a muzzle…not sure where that came from or how to get rid of it…
Guy are you giving me a hint…. LOL
Your Delightfulness LB,
No way, no hint, not me. I thought it was a spiked-heel shoe.
And anyway, Her Highness Dogsandfitness questioned it, not me.
Perhaps some techie tuning in can tell you how to change or get rid of it.
Guy
I can understand why Guy believes that women need men more. Look around us! All of these sad, disillusioned, desperate women willing to give up so much for so little. The guys are having a sexual smorgasbord and most women are not willing to make guys upset by putting a stop to it.
So what if guys get all huffy if we start looking out for our best interests and laugh in their faces at the mere mention of premarital sex and shacking up? Then women would stop looking desperate.
Dogsandfitness,
When I was younger, but Dad would tell me that if a guy had a problem with my not putting out, I should tell him to “get to stepping.” I think older/grown women need to start telling men that too! ;>
LB, if you out there still reading this thread, this is how you get change your Gravatar image.
This is assuming you have a gravatar account:
1) Log on to your Gravatar account – en (dot)
gravatar (dot) com
2) Along the top of the page, hover over “My Account”
3)Click on manage to either add or change the image that you want displayed next to you WordPress, or whatever, blog name. If the muzzle is the only image you have uploaded to Gravatar, you will have to upload other images to use.
You often mention throughout your amazing blog that beyond attractiveness men seek a woman for “fun and functionality.” Please elaborate on how a woman can present herself as especially fun to be with and how she can/will provide the functionality he may be seeking.
Your Highness Seekingtruelove,
First, if I said functionality, I meant personal likeability (unless that particular context called for functionality, that is). So, I would focus on that and fun.
However, Her Highness Ladylike beat me to it. Her 3:06pm comment at post 746 elaborates better than I can do. What she does, or rather doesn’t do, generates both fun and likeability, since he responds well to her.
Her other comments at the same post are equally bold, brash, and attractive in principle to men. Let me know if your questions are not answered sufficiently well.
Guy
I’m not sure that women need men more than men need women. Many of the women who are out there having sex with men without commitment are enjoying the sex and don’t want the commitment. The can be mother’s, have great careers, and maintain direct control of their lives, instead of having to manipulate around a man’s ego. I am not surprised that so many women are delaying marriage until later in life or deciding that they don’t want it at all. For many women the drawbacks of marriage outweigh the benefits. This situation does make it harder for women who do want to marry, but those women are becoming more and more rare.
Your Highness Grace,
Your monologues have turned to rants. Your opinions have shifted more and more toward what women always hear. Also, the space you use runs mostly contrary to blog theme.
I suggest you may find more friendly ears at another blog.
Guy
Interesting! Maybe working makes it harder to live with a man? But the women in my church group who are stay at homes wives and mothers don’t seem particularly happy either. Even these women divorce. Women need love, affection, appreciation and compliments, yet most men don’t naturally give these things. I think that women having the ability to work outside the home throws off the balance.
Before men could offer financial support and protection for her and children in exchange for all that they need from women. So even if the woman didn’t get the affection and appreciation that she wanted she could be grateful for his supporting and protecting her. Now the world is a much less dangerous place and women can support themselves and their children. If men don’t offer the romantic, emotional stuff then women walk away from marriage easily. They can even keep his financial support but don’t have to keep him.
I love my career, and I don’t think that women should have their right to work and be fairly paid stripped away, but it throws off the balance of relationships. It is unfair to women to take away their options, but women having the option leads to men being of much less value to women than women are to men in marriage. Most men want to make their wives happy and just aren’t emotionally equipped to do so.
I also think that a lot of the promiscuous behavior and hopping from boyfriend to boyfriend or husband to husband is because the natural roles of men have been devalued and nearly rendered obsolete by women. Any determined woman can protect and provide for herself. That means that relationships thrive or fail based on how she feels about his level of appreciation and affection for her. Since men aren’t particularly good at that then more relationships fail than thrive.
I’m just thinking “out loud”. Please excuse me if I rambled. This blog has really got me thinking about these issues.
Your Inquisitiveness KKC,
Welcome to the world of new thoughts, realizations, and enablements. I’ve only been at our subject here for a decade or so, and I’m 79 years old. You have a great advantage.
Guy
Reading what Simplicity Evermore wrote below:
“That makes sense, because women are forced out of their natural environment. Women feel safest and happiest at home. Outside the home (and without a sense of safety) they have to ‘cope’. So they have to think like a man to deal with men in men’s world. ”
Reminded me of a few years ago when a male friend of mine asked what love meant to me, and after thinking about it, I replied “that I would finally feel ‘safe’”.
The trouble was that I had no idea how to get to that place, and now I am learning how here at WWNH, and I am so grateful to finally have that opportunity. I was thinking about that as I drove home from work this evening, and how much I have learned these past few months. How far my thinking, attitude, and conduct have changed, and feelings of gratefullness have improved my sense of femininity. It’s even easier to lose the weight that once provided a strange sense of security as I look forward to truly living as a woman, something I was never taught.
Thank you Sir Guy, because of you and the ladies here and what I am learning, I know I will finally someday, feel safe and loved by a good man and I will be able to care for his well being.
I hope that I won’t be asked to leave as well, but I must say that these are the reasons that I hesitate to marry. Men are difficult to live with! I realize that it isn’t their fault exactly, so I’m not placing blame here. We can’t help our basic natures, and men probably say the same thing about women. I can see why so many women choose to live without marriage entirely or to divorce.
Do you think that the more feminine women of past generations were happier being married? Or did they simply not have other options?
Your Magnificentness KKC,
AGAIN, I’VE COMMENTED IN CAPS.
I hope that I won’t be asked to leave as well, (HIGHLY UNLIKELY) but I must say that these are the reasons that I hesitate to marry. YOU’RE SMART, BUT PERHAPS FOR THE WRONG REASONS.
Men are difficult to live with! TRUE, BUT THEY ARE THE PRODUCT OF HOW WOMEN BEHAVE. MEN DO WHATEVER WOMEN REQUIRE IN ORDER FOR MEN TO HAVE FREQUENT AND CONVENIENT ACCESS TO SEX. IF WOMANHOOD REQUIRES MARRIAGE, MEN MARRY AND STAY MARRIED.
I realize that it isn’t their fault exactly, so I’m not placing blame here. IT KEEPS YOUR MIND OPEN TO LEARN.
We can’t help our basic natures, and men probably say the same thing about women. AS DESCRIBED THROUGHOUT THE BLOG, THE SECRET LIES HERE: EXPLOITING SEX DIFFERENCES BUILDS GENDER COMPATIBILITY.
I can see why so many women choose to live without marriage entirely or to divorce. THEY LACK KNOWLEDGE OF BOTH SEXES AND, THEREFORE, LACK DEVELOPMENT OF SKILLS FOR CAPTURING, DOMESTICATING, AND KEEPING A HUSBAND.
Do you think that the more feminine women of past generations were happier being married? Or did they simply not have other options? THE CULTURAL STANDARD WAS THAT EVERYBODY WANTED TO GET MARRIED, AND SO THEY HAD FEW OTHER OPTIONS. HOWEVER, THE MORE FEMININE A WOMAN, THE EASIER TO CAPTURE AND HOLD A MAN.
PEOPLE CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY BY MAKING THEMSELVES GRATEFUL. THE BROADER AND DEEPER A WOMAN’S GRATITUDE, THE HAPPIER SHE WILL BE. EARLIER GENERATIONS VALUED ACCOMPLISHMENTS (INCLUDING JUST HANGING ON TO LIFE) AND SO THEY BECAME MORE GRATEFUL FOR PEOPLE INVOLVED IN THEIR EVERYDAY HAPPENINGS. MORE GRATEFUL FOR HUSBAND, MORE HAPPINESS FOR WIFE. MORE FEMININE FOR WIFE, MORE EASE TO CAPTURE AND HOLD HUSBAND.
(YOU MAY FIND THE WWNH UNIVERSITY USEFUL TO GUIDE YOU IN EXPLORING THE BLOG. CLICK ON THE BIG “U” AT THE TOP RIGHT OF THE HOME PAGE.)
Guy
I think women of the past were more connected to their biology (i.e. sex=babies) and were therefore more connected to their femininity in general. I think that probably did influence how much they enjoyed marriage and domestic life.
I read a study once that said that women in the work force produce more testosterone than women at home. I imagine that the mental/emotional life of women changes as they take on more masculine roles.
That makes sense, because women are forced out of their natural environment. Women feel safest and happiest at home. Outside the home (and without a sense of safety) they have to ‘cope’. So they have to think like a man to deal with men in men’s world.
At work, they *have* to behave like men because men expect it. Women who don’t behave like men can’t ladder climb, and some won’t even keep their jobs for very long. (The Male Factor by Shaunti Feldhan is a fabulous book on this subject.)
And so they loose thier femininity. In the Army this loss creates something of an Indentity Crisis for women.
I met my husband when I was in the Army and at that time I wasn’t the least bit feminine or interested in domestic life. My goal was to go far in the Army and until I got out I was doing quite well. I made sure that I could compete on a mans level and would push myself to meet the male physical training standards. The only reason I even got married was because I was moderately religious and marriage was the only way to legitimately have sex. If anyone had told me that a feminine lifestyle would be more satisfying I would have thought they were crazy. I associated happiness with money/power/recognition.
What ended up changing everything for me was my first pregnancy. When I had that little life inside of me it completely changed my perspective on what I wanted. I no longer wanted to have anything to do with protecting the people. I wanted to be the one protected because protecting me now meant protecting my baby. I couldn’t stomach the idea of my baby growing up motherless. My own mother had died when I was a baby so I knew first hand how painful it is to lose a mother.
After my first pregnancy not only did femininity come more naturally to me (thanks to the hormones) but suddenly I could see how practical traditional gender roles were. It didn’t completely cure me of feeling like females got the raw deal by society and nature- but I was convinced that the feminine role is an important one and since I was the one with the uterus and breastmilk I better just embrace it.
Fast-forward 9 years later and I definitely value femininity and traditional gender roles as a source of fulfillment and not just a practical ideal.