WWNH: Recovery means it’s all up to her. Not meaning that wife has total responsibility, but that husband can’t do what she wants done.
Wives can’t change husbands. They can change their selves and their relationship. The appropriate quantity and quality of minor changes indirectly and patiently injected into a relationship can induce a sweeter spirit and elicit favorable changes in husband’s behavior.
If a marriage needs some recovery, “If it is to be, it is up to me.” Or so the wife should say.
Truism: She married and expected him to change, and he won’t. He married expecting her not to change, but she does. Since marital recovery requires change, this means two things:
- Changes made in herself away from who and what she was before marriage are not helpful. For example, lathering him with much more affection than he’s accustomed to won’t likely help. Returning to her original cosmetics and aromas may help. (Just thoughts, not suggestions.)
- Changes that wife injects into their relationship should be subtle and not surprise husband. If he fails to acknowledge it, it’s good. It will register in background and linger below his consciousness. Wife has an intuition, so trust it. Self-confidence helps compensate for doing without husband’s feedback for her efforts.
- Four-course meals or the dance of the seven veils may please him. But his appreciation will soon die. The benefits don’t stay with him. It’s the hanging picture syndrome: You never notice the new picture you hung last week. Instead of enjoying her effort, the suspicion lingers that she’s a changed person, which instinctively weakens his respect for her.
If wife doesn’t know where to begin, let her use ‘sweeter’ as starter. She can generate more sweetness in herself, home, and relationship. Men are not immune to it, so by the time husband ‘catches it’, she’ll know how to recover in other areas.
I think I understand. Sweeter, to me, is focusing on my attitude while working in the home, my quality of work, and putting little touches on things. I can have trouble with my attitude, and use beauty/asthetics to cheer myself and embellish my work.
Music makes an enormous difference as does neatness and continuous spiritual renewal. Ministering to the family is too difficult if we are not coming from a place of abundance (God’s strength vs. our own)
I swear I think my husband comes home just to see me smile at him- and mine is not the only one! The things you post are so, so true. Sorry to have written a book!