A young lady asked for advice to restore her relationship after the following happened:
Boyfriend proposed. She was surprised and couldn’t believe it. Only one friend thought the proposal genuine. So, she treated him unfairly, and “he wants to forget about marriage because [she] freaked out so much.”
Sorry, but I can’t offer advice. I don’t know her situation nearly well enough; only she knows it well enough to ‘cure’ it. Instead, I offer a model of interactive pressures from which she may be able to figure out what to do.
- If she acts too eager to marry, he gets scared. If she does it suddenly and overpoweringly, she has changed from the woman he chose.
- Men intensely dislike making the wrong call about a woman; it indicates faulty reasoning and makes him look poorly to other men, his competitors with whom he has face to save.
- If he withdraws from marriage, he has a reason. If she respects him, she has to respect his decisions or preferences. The best sign of her respect is to accept marriage-lost almost as if it’s her decision and without making him look bad.
- She backs off marriage and neither complains nor explains. Silence is golden, when one doesn’t know what’s happened or happening. He’ll find it hard to attach blame to her silence.
- Figure the bloom is off the rose. Wait for him to initiate a re-blossoming, a recapturing of his woman.
Her strength lies in NOT falling to pieces when he disappoints her on vital issues. He can’t or won’t examine himself and his actions, if she turns into blithering idiot or smothering female.