Her Highness ‘A Questioner’ commented at post 619, “I’m often saddened by the fact that hubby doesn’t call/txt during the day, and that generally speaking, once he does see me, he usually asks for food!! I have to remind him sometimes that I’m not the cafeteria lady. ”
Nowadays, our expectations are such that if we don’t get immediate responses from our electronic leashes we cast to those closest to us, the world must be coming to an end. But guess what? Barring some unforeseen tragic event, the world doesn’t end. But somehow, we are still disappointed. Why is the culprit always the man with employment dedication and obligations?
Selfishness? Narcissism? Or, is it just the difference between the sexes?
So it might make sense to just give a sigh and believe that, perhaps, ‘no news is good news’. Maybe it’s OK to let him be the man he strives to be, without distractions, as he competes with the other gladiators in the Ring of Life. At least these days, it’s never a fight to the death.
Finally, as a man, I would hope that you might find some small satisfaction that he considers you ‘the cafeteria lady’. I would also hope that you holding that title inspires him to accept many other titles: such as yard boy, trash man, pool boy, toilet plunger, car washer, Mr. Fixit, etc. Would you prefer, with lessened respect that would accompany it, Mr. Cafeteria Guy instead?
While ‘cafeteria lady’ is not so becoming to you in your mind, it is one of the true solaces that a man finds in his significant other. Good food. Not TGIFridays, but what you selflessly create in your kitchen and enjoy together in the dining room/kitchen table/recliners with TV trays.
I don’t want to be trite, but old sayings are precisely that because they have withstood the test of time. And time is always the great equalizer. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?” A simpleton saying for many, yet it’s timeless and priceless. In fact, a good description of the origin can be found here…
http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/24/messages/1003.html
Never underestimate the power, influence, and control that you wield with a mere spatula or spoon. Else, you underestimate yourself in the eyes and heart of the man you love, and perhaps, the one who will always love you more than any other.
Guy Jr.
Your Collective Highnesses,
Thank you for your gracious feedback, an example of which is from Helen who says, “Absolutely brilliant, Guy Jr!”, which is quite flattering yet somewhat embarrassing to me. The brilliance of this blog, witnessed and enjoyed by many of you, belongs to Guy Sr. and Principessa Gracie who toil daily at their labor of love for each of you and, hopefully, others to come.
Perhaps unknown to many but certainly known to me, Guy Sr.’s daily motivation, if not hourly, for this labor is rooted in the hope that the words and thoughts offered here might actually make a difference.
So, if this blog has impacted you or yours, make a conscious effort to share it with others. Hungry eyes and souls, together with your pertinent comments and dialogue, truly fuel the machine that is Guy Sr. and What Women Never Hear. Each of you know that women (and many men) need to hear this. Our great country and loving families need to hear this. Help spread the word!
Guy Sr. has provided me the privilege of contributing, which I admit, has been less than occasionally. My work and travels preclude me from playing a more active role, but that only means that each of you benefit more from the insight and wisdom provided by Guy Sr. and his Principessa.
Thank you for your kindness and acceptance. Dare to share…
Guy Jr.
Absolutely brilliant, Guy Jr!
Guy Jr., that was a very gentle response to “a questioner” where a more pointed answer would be just as applicable.
Your husband has a job. Would you like him to keep it? In an economy where there are a lot of capable workers that are unemployed you should be encouraging your husband to concentrate on his job. His employer pays him to work, not to chat. If he is self-employed, then he needs to be chasing new opportunities since the competition for each new contract is going to be significant.
The making of an evening meal is a daily event. There are no surprises here and if your husband has asked you for food enough times to make you respond with a snarky comment, then it is you that is having the problem. Don’t try to make him feel bad for being hungry. Make the man some food, have it waiting when he gets home, or if that is too early for supper, make an appetizer that you can share. When you make an effort to ensure your husband’s comfort, you will also benefit.
You are the woman of your household. You have the ability to build it up or tear it down with your own hands.
Great reply Sir Guy. Yes our men enjoy their food! Consider it a privelege to care for them in this way. Create meals with love, happiness and the knowledge that we’re so blessed to have a provider in our lives. They deserved to be pampered in this way. Study the subjects of food, nourishment, nutrition, table settings, food presentation, baking, cooking, food hygiene, meal preparation, menu planning, grocery shopping, etc so as to gradually improve. Ensure the food your present to your husband is healthy too because we want our precious menfolk around to treasure us for a long time. Well thanks for the inspiration. I’m off to the kitchen.
That reminds me I’ve read an inspiring book called, “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” by Dr Laura Schlessinger. A quote, ” Obligations and responsibilities are usually not discomfort-free zones.” Feed that man. 
As a woman who has a “chatty” husband who calls many times during the day while I am at home with eight talkative children (!) I sometimes feel like I am just the “Sounding board” of the family. I would prefer never to talk on the phone and, in fact, fought getting a cell phone tooth and nail. But I try to rejoice in the fact that my husband and family need me even if I prefer to curl up with a good book.We are all very different and married to men who have very different needs.
A wise woman once said to study your husband…learn all about him…know him better than he does himself. I have found this to be helpful advice. As you study your husband you may gain insight into all the other ways he needs and delights in you. Marraige is always a challenge and it does take work but it is worthwhile work!
I’m constantly amazed at the kinds of things some women find to complain about their husbands. Is she serious???? Wow. I’m glad that’s all she has to be “sad” about.
@ Michele & Linda: completely agree!
I truly don’t mean this to be snarky, but why does your poor husband need to ask for food after coming home from work?
Having supper on the table when your husband gets home (or shortly afterwards) is a beautiful and simple way to let them know how much you appreciate all they do. It really does wonders for your relationship; many long and short-term benefits accrue!
Even if you are working yourself, meal planning combined with the use of appliances like crock pots, pressure cookers, rice cookers and the like make preparation simple . Not to mention making a double quantity of whatever it is you’re cooking and freezing half.
I know your good husband will be greatly blessed by your efforts in this area.
I will not be snarky with A Questioner. Instead, I will say that you shouldn’t see yourself as the Cafeteria Lady. I got the thought that you gave yourself that title. You are nothing of the sort to your family.
You are the Head Cook. You decide what will be on the table. You make the grocery purchases. You have your family’s destiny at your fingertips. Their HEALTH!!! This is why more families must eat at home more. Restaurant fare is calorically expensive. Who wants a fatty husband and fatty kids? Eating out should be a treat, not a routine.
Buy a crock pot and a steamer. Both will save you a crapload of time and both are virtually foolproof. Both of these appliances have built-in delayed starts. Set it and forget it
I am not the Cafeteria Lady. You aren’t either
Hi Guy Jnr
I really like your response, but I do think I have a little advice for “A Questioner”.
I agree with the lovely “Dogs and Fitness”. Providing a healthy, delicious meal for your family may be an obligation but that doesn’t decrease its status. Your job as a homemaker is incredibly important, whether you’re a full-time homemaker, part-time or have a full-time job. What you cook, what you clean and wash, how you create a home atmosphere, home comforts and so on has a real and tangible knock-on affect. A well run home means a relaxed husband who can go out into the world or work and do his best for his family and society, it means a woman is more relaxed so if she works she too can be more rested and at ease, it means that children are more content and well socialised. All the small, and so called, “insignificant ” things we do as homemakers and women are sociologically vital, they’re what make a civil society.
I’ve got a ton of good, cheap, easy recipes which don’t take an age to prepare so if you need any further help please contact me. Don’t downplay your work, it’s wonderful and vital and you’ve probably made some sacrifices to do it. Enjoy it.
Regarding your DH not wanting to talk. He’s probably all talked out. Men need to use far fewer words in the day to feel satisified, the number of words a woman needs to use in the day to stop feeling lonely etc is significantly higher. Talk to girlfriends, your mum, even internet friends. He more than likely appreciates you very much, but is too tired to express it in a way in which you feel validated. Cut him a little slack, find some enjoyment in your work as wife, mother, and whatever else you do, and you’ll soon reap the rewards. I hope this helps, and believe me, I really do know a little bit about how you feel.
Dear Guy Jr.,
thank you for the gentle response, and how effectively you communicated your commentary. It immediately put a smile on my face this morning when i stopped by to read the day’s post. I also appreciate all the advice of the lovely ladies who chose to comment afterward. I am very blessed in that my husband is a wonderful man (and does do all those things you mentioned).
I have little to complain about, but when I hit a low sometimes, feeling neglected can be quite hard. I am lucky though, my husband is generally responsive and a great man.
I am working on myself too- reading books and meditating to help me along in life..
i appreciate your help! =)
Ladies,
Guy Jr. commented again, and he placed it at the end of the post. I think you can scroll up to it above all these comments.
Guy
Thanks Guy Jnr for your additional comments. I have done and will continue in my very limited sphere to pass along the address of this insightful blog. We can only imagine the time, thought and effort that your father expends on his entries. Your dear parents are a wonderful example of what our world needs more. I’m sure there are many quiet readers who don’t comment but appreciate this great service Sir Guy does for all. All his work won’t be in vain. Many thanks.