Ladies, watch this one closely: Relationships revolve around respect, and she’s in charge. She initiates and he responds. She has to show her respect and also earn his.
♦ Men don’t respect females as they respect men or as women hope to be respected.
♦ Men may take a liking to a woman on first encounter, but they don’t respect her automatically as she expects. He may acquiesce to her wishes, but it equates more to duty and hope than respect.
♦ Women have a huge advantage over men. As a respect-earner, nothing either gender has or does works better than females withholding unmarried sex.
♦ The longer she holds off for sex, the greater the respect she earns. The closer to virginity she appears, the more respectable she is to conqueror, serious suitor, and discouraged player.
♦ A man loves a woman, but she sees few signs that she’s respected. To his competitive nature, showing respect directly weakens his presentation of Self. He reacts more to his nature than to her expectations. It’s also why men must be taught to be gentlemanly, and why high quality females aka ladies must set the example.
“To his competitive nature, showing respect directly weakens his presentation of Self. ”
Wow. Showing a woman respect is a sign of weakness on behalf of the man? He feels weakened for that? So what explains in times past when it was so much more accecptable (and respectable) for a man to show a female respect…and maybe even get blasted if he didn’t. Did men at that time think that being perceived”weak” was a good thing?
By the way, it took my ex a whole year (about) for him to stop me in my tracks one day as we were walking and finally say to me out of the blue “you know, I really respect you”. One year of chaste courtship took that long for him to figure out!!? LOL.
Your Princesstial Highness Easybreezy,
I’ve confused you again. I appreciate the challenge to clarify.
The rest of my original paragraph holds the answer: “He reacts more to his nature than to her expectations. It’s also why men must be taught to be gentlemanly, and why high quality females aka ladies must set the example.”
In times past moms, grannies, aunties, girls, and ladies in other roles conditioned masculine thinking to act gentlemanly, which calls for instant respect to be shown whether real or not. Of course, men felt weak for doing it; it goes against their competitive, I say again, competitive nature and they don’t like or think they compete with females. But they used to show respect right away, because females expected it through custom and social practice.
As to your ex taking a whole year to say he respected you, he doesn’t normally think of females along the respect line. Why? It’s Nature. He also proved the point I make elsewhere: Your chasteness bred enough respect that it finally registered in his conscious mind, and so he let it out.
Guy
Interesting easybreezy. It took many, many years before my X-husband told me what a great job I was doing raising our children. It was just one short sentence without much fanfare, but it sure meant the world to me!
Yes and this ex still calls me occassionally years later. And another former suiter (not exactly an ex) found me after 10 years, professed he was in love back then, and thought it was cool that I wouldn’t sleep with him at the time- and thought the smallest little insignificant things I would do meant sooooo much to him. (Funny though because he went MIA back then when he thought it was going to be too difficult with me… LOL).
Very sad. His loss. Funny I also had an old flame from school call recently after I lost my dad. He remembered a couple of nice things I had done for him after all these years(20+ and I didn’t have sex with him). It’s neat to know that good deeds do matter even after even you have long forgotten them.
Is nervousness around me a sign of respect? Any ideas how to get a new boyfriend not to be so nervous around me? I feel bad for the poor man, he seems so stressed out and I’m always perfectly nice to him.
Your Magnificentness Anonymous,
A sign of respect? Yes!
This will be counterintuitive to your female nature, but let him stay nervous. Your trying to make it easier for him has the effect of gifting when he thinks he neither has earned it nor deserves it. So, it works against the relationship.
Don’t make it easy on him. Be normal, be natural, be yourself, and allow time to dominate his stewing about you and your relations with him. Each bit of nervousness that he overcomes makes him successful, which keeps him doing more of the same. After he’s done all the changing of himself and his thinking about you that he will do, his nervousness will disappear. But, also, at that point he will feel that he has done all he must do to earn you. Your problem is whether he’s done all necessary to be worthy of you. Either way, time and his nervousness work to your advantage.
Guy
Such a prompt response, thank you! And I’m so glad to hear this. Right now I can definitely shape his behavior and thinking about me, so I will let him stir in his nervousness.
Another question along the same lines: At first I said I wouldn’t date him because he was opting not to go to grad school out of laziness and I do not respect that (also I’m going to grad school myself). Before I could even finish explaining this to him, he said he would go to grad school and immediately went home and made plans to do so. He’s basically changing his life around for me and I’m not sure if it’s a sign of devotion (he’s wanted to date me for years) or insecurity. What do you think?
Your Munificentness Anonymous,
Devotion or insecurity? There are other possibilities for you to consider.
First, be wary of his trustworthiness. Also, is he really Mr. Good Enough? If he stays so accommodating for life, could you live with it? If he doesn’t stay so eager to please, can you figure what he might be like?
Second, I suggest you delve into the series THE MALE MATRIX: alpha, beta, gamma starting at #923. Some partial answers may lie therein.
Third, take more time to figure out his true character, and listen to your intuition for guidance.
Guy
Thank you!