I close this series with thoughts from a previous post. It applies to men with a conscience about faithfulness to their wives and not to repeaters and serial cheaters.
Three noticeable phases face each marriage. Awareness enables wives to prepare, prevent, and prevail. (Some women also pass through these phases, but we describe men here.)
The two-year glitch arrives quietly as romantic love fades away in a couple’s second year together. Both undergo transformation. If an enduring kind of love has not developed mutually, unfaithfulness and separation may not be far off.
· Husband’s enduring love lies in the foundation of respect she has earned, especially before conquest, and her likeability as supportive mate. Her enduring love springs from the current and anticipated gratefulness for him and what he does. He looks at what she is; she looks at what he can be.
The seven-year itch arrives when his wandering eye opens. Many situations challenge him. Devotion to her and commitment to vows are essential for surviving natural pressures on him.
· She’s in charge. Years earlier she chose a man susceptible to wander. Or, she chose a man devoted instead of just committed to her, and a man with sufficient character to honor his vows. If she didn’t or couldn’t, avoidance is difficult. Forgiveness is the next best thing, and forgetfulness is absolutely essential.
The twenty-year switch arrives when he wants to start over and hopes to do so with a trophy.
· It’s a dream that slowly builds as his sense of significance fades, which the mid-life crisis is all about. He aspires to rejuvenation, and he’s just dying to prove it to himself with an attractive woman. He may even aspire to raise another child to overcome earlier mistakes. Or, he may simply want to prove to himself that wife has been wrong all these past many years.
For the glitch, itch, and switch, she prepares best by knowing men and her man, females and herself, and that she has unique and powerful skills for relationship management.
Throughout life and these crisis points, the harder she tries to ensure his fidelity, the more likely she will fail. We all get what we think about the most. If she constantly worries about his faithfulness, she sends signals that push him away from her. Honest-to-goodness trust provides the greatest help for her.