Self-image works continually in background to guide and keep us aligned and consistent with our beliefs and convictions of who and what we are.
More imaginary than real, two examples follow of how self-image governs one woman’s life and prevents her going off her self-defined track:
Chaste Until Married
· If she can’t imagine it happening this way, it won’t.
· She dedicates and believes herself quite capable to avoid sex until she has a husband. Through several courtships she succeeds and finally yields when she marries. She neither betrays herself nor demeans her image of Self. She stays on the track that she laid for herself.
· That’s how self-image guides her. Not to keep her chaste, although it has that effect. But to prevent her deviating from her image of Self that she created for herself.
Screen Men by Cooking
· She doesn’t cook well but wants to learn. So, she decides to practice as part of her screening process of men. It will be her way or the highway.
· She commits to this modus operandi: For their third date she cooks for each guy. (She thinks: If he likes my poor cooking, think how he’ll love me after I really learn how.)
· Because she also practices virtual virginity, she controls the agenda and insists they end the evening early. Not to curtail the fun, but to demo that other things are more important, namely dedication to herself, her plans, her intentions, her independence.
· Her plans fit the image she has of herself, and she expects to keep it that way. The more committed to her plans and preparations, the more likely she’ll stay within the boundaries of her self-image.
· Incidentally, the more committed to her own independence, standards, and control of such evenings, the more respect she earns from the guys—provided they are interested in more than sex in the first place. Also, the more she learns about the guys’ intentions.
In everyday affairs, the more numerous her beliefs and convictions about herself and the stronger her commitment to them and herself, the more reliable her self-image guides and helps keep her on the right track she determines for herself.
Self-image concludes soon. Self-interest should follow the next day.
4 Comments
11/02/2009 at 8:17 am
Guy, alot of women these days try to get the man to commit, but they don’t realize they can achieve that by, as you say being commited to themselves and their own standards! I love that.
Your Princessness Theresa,
I love it when pretty women tell me such things.
BTW, would you know how to respond to Seeking Answers at 712?
Guy
11/02/2009 at 4:57 pm
Where does one go to get beliefs and convictions about oneself if the ones you inherited from your parents are shit?
Thats all I want to know.
The fictional woman discribed above seems like a character from a story book compared to me.
*sigh*
Your Princessness Stealth Femme,
I regret taking so long to respond, but I saw that B. provided good suggestions.
I expected a lengthy response, but I was wrong. The answer is shorter and easier.
Your beliefs and convictions will become what you want AFTER you zealously live out those beliefs and convictions in real life as if you already had them. In the vernacular, fake it until you make it.
The challenge comes from deciding which beliefs and convictions you want to have that were parentally denied. Go with the best. Turn to the Holy Bible. In God’s love you’ll find encouragement to proceed and in His grace you’ll find forgiveness when you fall short. Can’t beat that combination.
Guy
11/03/2009 at 12:00 am
Dear Stealth Femme-
Where do you go to find “beliefs & convictions” about yourself….because (I will word it differently than you did) the ones your parents gave you were inadequate?
Well….it’s not easy. But make no mistake! It can be done. The woman that Guy describes is not lifted from a storybook. She exists, in flesh & blood form, I assure you.
What you must first believe about yourself is that who you want to be, what you want to do with your time, how you wish to behave with people & treat them, would essentially be the same whether or not you were seeking a man. You must not try to fool a man into seeing you as a virtuous person (if you’re not), only to become frustrated because you can’t keep up the pretense after he’s “hooked”. It’s cruel & unfair to a decent man who’s hoping to find a decent woman, & you would, over time, feel as though you’d sacrificed a great deal of your personality. He would awaken to a woman he doesn’t know, & both of you would be miserable!
No, instead seek to change yourself because it’s the right thing to do. Do you like to read? Read good literature. Exercise? A good walk outdoors will do as much for your body as trying to look cute at a local gym, hoping to catch the eye of a man. Are you prone to swearing? Make yourself stop….& I mean cold turkey. Some men might seem amused at a woman who colors her speech with this foul word or that, but I think that, at heart, most guys do not really like it. There are better, finer ways for us to express ourselves! Do you have spiritual leanings? God is always ready & eager to listen to your prayers, there are many houses of worship where you could go, & I can tell you that the feeling of peace & wonderment as you visit with Him is beyond good.
Stealth Femme, I wish you the very best as you seek change. I do hope that this same time next year you are looking at a very different person in the mirror….& experiencing very different reactions & responses from the men in your life.
11/09/2009 at 4:43 pm
Thanks for the advice B! I’m a fish swimming upstream…………….
Your Princesstial Highness Miss Dawn,
Keep smiling like the end of your sentence. You’ve got all else that you need.
Guy