The female nature craves attention and affection at certain times, for specific reasons, and especially for confirming a woman’s self-love. His attentions add and his affection confirms worth to her, or so she feels.
· Compared to four or five decades ago, female self-esteem is lower. Self-image is twisted from having bought into feminist issues that contradict the female nature. Consequently, females are hesitant, afraid, or ashamed to let their feminine nature shine through. It costs women, because the male’s Affection Delivery Disorder gets worse in the absence of femininity.
· Females adopt the idea that they can do anything and everything that men can do. It’s okay and in many cases true. However, it contradicts their inherent female nature just enough that dodging femininity makes them phony to themselves. Thus weakened, their self-image does not prevent them from doing things contrary to their best and especially female-specific interests. With a shortage of self-respect and self-confidence, they rely more on emotional than rational thought, and men have an advantage and usually take it.
· The popularity of unmarried sex causes males to lose unconditional respect for the female gender. Among teens it’s atrocious. Males, as competing hunter-conquerors, see females as dumb for not guarding their negotiable assets. But women need frequent and sometimes continual reaffirmation of their value to someone else to confirm their self-love. This drives females toward this paradox: For reaffirmation they provide sex. Having given it, men lose unconditional respect for the female gender. With less respect for the gender, the love of men weakens for individual females. With less pronounced femininity, a man’s A.D.D. gets worse.
· When men show less respect, it reflects that women are somehow lacking something. This does two things: It further lowers female self-image, which weakens their sense of control of their lives. Lack of a sense of control then pushes women easily into desperation and toward depression.
In the end, the more intense her affection deficit, the more intense becomes his disorder for showing attention and delivering affection.
Sir Guy, what do you think about a man claiming it hurts him that I’m not affectionate enough? I always thought this was only a complaint of females. What should I do about it?
Your Delicateness Anonymous,
You’ll have to test out these possibilities for what’s behind his motivation:
1. Does he fake it just to get something from you? Conquest is most likely goal.
2. Does it signal a masculine weakness that might push him toward co-dependency?
3. Does he duplicate womanly expectations about affection, because he thinks its fair and proper to reciprocate equally? It might appear he’s highly or overly sensitive to female needs, but it’s more likely excessive self-centeredness.
4. Since you don’t show him enough affection, does he take it to mean he’s not that important to you? Does he figure you like him only as you show affection? Was he raised like that?
Guy
He told me he does want to do sexual things but he knows I won’t so he can wait because I’m more important than that to him.
I think it’s #4. He says he thinks I don’t really like him that much and he’s “still competing with all of my other guy friends for my affection”. His family is very affectionate so he was probably raised that way. The problem is, I’m afraid being affectionate will be treating him like king before marriage. How affectionate can I be without doing that? Can I send him “I miss you” messages? Can I kiss him first (which I never do right now and would make me uncomfortable but I’d get over it) etc?
Thanks!
Your Bountifulness Anonymous,
I like Violet’s comment for guidance, “my desire is to be the perfect wife, not the perfect girlfriend. I need commitment before I give of myself whole-heartedly”.
I’ve explained elsewhere that ‘commitment’ means little and usually less than expected. So, I recommend using the term ‘devotion’ instead.
Guy
anonymous- I would keep being a bit reserved because you want him to think that he has to wait til marriage to get your adoration. To show that you are capable of that kind of adoration you affirm men in general but not him specifically because you want him to rise to the level of manhood that you admire.
As to his comment I would say something along the lines of “my desire is to be the perfect wife, not the perfect girlfriend. I need commitment before I give of myself whole-heartedly”.
Thank you both!