Yesterday’s post was about in-laws and today it’s about the couple.
Take what follows as his potential as mate and not damnation of him as person. Perception is reality. If you see red flags waving, he may be Mr. Wrong. If not, however, it doesn’t make him Mr. Right.
The flavor of the list conveys all-out suspicion, but it’s not intended that way. It’s about you becoming more perceptive in the course of everyday life.
· Are his promises of commitment confirmed by actions that show devotion? If not, it’s probably too early to commit yourself.
· Do his actions match his words and vice versa? Major deviance can spell dishonesty, phoniness, lack of integrity, or all of the above. Minor differences indicate need for your greater analysis.
· Does he have less education and earn less money than you? If yes, a super-beware is in order. It won’t bother you, but it will eat away at his dignity. Sooner or later he’ll hold it against you, especially the money bit. Moreover, it’s a set of pressures that push men toward someone else.
· Does he seek to earn your devotion with his actions or with words? Trust his actions but verify his words.
· Observe what he does when he thinks you’re not watching. You’ll learn much more than from his words.
· Pay attention to what he does. Those things are important to him. If you complain, offenses against you that he doesn’t repeat can still return after conquest or marriage. So, you should find ways to assess his sincerity. (Again, just be more perceptive about everything without being suspicious of him.)
· Watch for shady or unsteady character. His actions much more than words accurately reflect his role in your life. (Ideal roles look like this: You see much evidence of his devotion through his actions, and you devote to him in his working role, aka his missions in life. Mutual commitment and moral obligations work best as subsets that support mutual devotion.)
In the end you still have to decide. Love often overrides reason, but before it happens you should assess red flags that may forecast undesirable consequences. The final installment of this series flies tomorrow.