Many factors make or break a marriage. The following are differences that tend to seal the deal for success, ‘dabs of glue’ as it were.
- She’s mostly hard-headed and competes with him during courtship. She’s primarily soft-hearted and cooperates with him after marriage.
- Men seek relationships for fun and functionality. Women seek relationships for emotional comfort.
- She loves her man completely. He predominantly loves his work or whatever he does to prove himself to himself.
- Husband produces, provides, protects, and problem solves, which proves his value to himself. He does it to prove himself to her, if she appreciates and rewards him.
- Wives expect husbands to be romantic, but romance slows a man’s conquering nature. Men are as attractively romantic as a woman requires before she accepts foreplay or sex. (Courtship provides time and opportunity to teach him to measure up to what she expects in marriage.)
- Romance and foreplay usually precede sexual union. Men must be taught the details patiently and indirectly, or women eventually find their man lacking in one or the other.
- When a couple starts to split up, it often starts here: Women marry expecting their man to change, but he doesn’t. Men marry expecting their wife not to change, but she does. [I credit an unknown emailer from years ago for this one.]
AND SHE SAYS: You put the entire burden on women. What about husbandly obligations?
AND GUY SAYS: Good point, but women have for decades been hearing about male inadequacies, outrageousness, irresponsibility, incompetence, inconsiderateness, selfishness, self-centeredness, and everything else that supports blaming men for relationship failures. This blog focuses on What Women Never Hear.
What about foreplay before marriage? How far is too far etc.?
Your Prettiness Anonymous,
Response appears in new article ’795. Foreplay Before It Starts’ with more to come.
Guy
Wives expect husbands to be romantic, but romance slows a man’s conquering nature. Men are as attractively romantic as a woman requires before she accepts foreplay or sex. (Courtship provides time and opportunity to teach him to measure up to what she expects in marriage.)
I find myself struggling with this one. Due to lack of “training” and self respect I made a lot of unfavorable decisions that are hitting me hard now. I had pre-marital sex and didn’t make my husband wait at all. Although he has never stopped pursuing me; now that we are married is there any hope of correcting this?
Your Highness Try2Bchristian,
I’m confused and can’t respond. You speak of your husband here but elsewhere you ask about your fiance.
Guy
I apologize for the confusion, I really try to keep things short and sweet because of the extensive damage I have caused over the years. When I first came across your blog we were only engaged and had finished our pre-marital counseling with our pastor. Yet to me it didn’t seem as though we were doing any better than before, so I began searching for things I could do better. And here I am.
Despite my faults and his, I’ve known for a long time that this man was my husband. But for lack of faith and Christian understanding I have run from marriage because of how my boyfriend acted. After finally accepting his proposal and rejoining our church (yes, I ran from God too) I had lots of fellowship with women in the church who, not exactly, said he’s a good man get off his back. Honestly I wasn’t trying to hear them either because I just knew I was right; HE needed to change more than me.
Again I have known for quite so time that I had to make this relationship work, I just didn’t know how. I prayed yes, but I probably got in my own way because I couldn’t let go. He just seemed so unwilling to change despite all I was doing to change. I was all set to run AGAIN, but my spirit said let’s try one more time. And then I found your blog. Here it is, confirmation that I have to make this relationship work, I have been “wrong” all along, and yes I have to get off his back.
We were married on Wednesday afternoon, so I am now his wife. He has been acting like he just won something, which before reading your blog would have made me angry because I see so much work that still needs to be done; but I understand a little better our differences so have not “rained on his parade”.
This is just the tip of the iceberg where my husband and I are concerned. Our pastor even told us that on paper we are completely incompatible, but something about how we interact tells him we can make it. With hard work no doubt.
A little more info that may help: I’m 25, he is 30; after reading the Male Matrix I can only guess he is a Beta. What’s funny, I would consider myself an Alpha (not really a Beta’s first choice right), but my husband has always said “Your tough girl image is just an act. You are really a Teddy bear”. Well I hope this clears things up a little.