Her Highness Anonymous asked: What about foreplay before marriage? How far is too far etc.? Answer: Too far is when a woman loses a man she hopes to keep. So, let’s examine foreplay in terms that tend to keep rather than chase off a man.
- Foreplay delayed beats afterplay remorse.
- Men see romance as necessary step to foreplay. Her first challenge is to distinguish romantic words that are acceptable from foreplay words, ideas, and conversations that should be unacceptable. If she can’t draw the line, confusion will haunt her attempts to govern her life while in foreplay mode.
- By separating the romantic from foreplay, she decides what her standards are and lives up to them. We’re all more admirable, when we live up to something bigger and more worthwhile than ourselves. Chasteness qualifies in the male mind, but she has to convince herself first.
- A man sees that she’s able to resist his greatest efforts, passions, promises, and commitment pledges. Consequently, he respects her fortitude in protecting what men imagine as her greatest asset. (He thinks: ‘She must be refusing other men too’. The more stringent her standards the more convincing they appear, and the more she stands out among other women.)
- A lack of deep foreplay anchors a man alongside a woman with notions of romance in his head. The longer she keeps foreplay reasonably shallow and avoids the deepest, the more romantically inclined he becomes with her. He’s still after conquest, but she holds him in check with limits that challenge instead of turning him off. (Unless he’s only after sex and dropping her confirms that.)
Persistent sexual pressures in modern society confuse men about female values about sex. Women can help clear the air by discretely refusing to speak about sex and herself or him. She can escape the personal by saying something like this: ‘Talk about sex and the public is okay, if relevant to what’s of interest to us at a particular time; that is, it’s awkward if we don’t. However, talk about me and sex in any shade or color is never okay. I don’t want to hear it.’
Perhaps more tomorrow.
Excellent blog
Sounds good, hard to do because you feel like a “no fun” person, a prude. You really have to trust that there’s someone better out there for you, if the guy you like walks away because he thinks you’re frigid or something.
Your Princessness Abigail,
Prude is as prude does. Frigid is as frigid does. (To borrow from Forrest Gump)
Neither thought comes to mind when a woman sends signals that a man arouses her interest in him to the exclusion of others. She needs, however, to also convey male-acceptable reasons for withholding herself in her entirety.
She can use questions such as: My husband comes first, even though I don’t have one now. Or: My reasons are moral and not personal. Or: Why is sex so urgent? We hardly know each other? Or: Can we visit your mother first? I’d like to first learn more about you.
SUPER CAUTION: Advantage-seeking men jump at the chance to exploit the female weakness for accepting guilt. Don’t let them get away with it. Never take name calling personal, such as prude and frigid. It’s standard practice of players to inflict guilt that hopefully for them will round off her heels for easier pushover.
Guy
Kissing okay????
Your Imperial Highness Abigail,
Of course it’s okay. But to tell you what you already know, there comes a point in prolonged kissing when she starts to become aroused. It puts her in foreplay mode in which he has been since Kiss One. It’s her decision time whether to cool off or cool him off. Not to do so authorizes him to proceed to the next level.
Guy
So you’re saying a man who’s really into you will be okay with nothing more than kissing until marriage, as long as you tell him it’s for moral reasons?
Your Delightfulness Anonymous,
Heavens, No! That’s an idealized starting point. You’ve got to negotiate but do it from a predetermined feminine baseline of what’s acceptable and unacceptable to you and your moral, religious, and principled upbringing. Foreplay doesn’t bond him, but some of it helps both of you to move along in the process.
Reviewing the 795 article, I see how I may have misled you. So I’m revising the last bullet to read:
• A lack of deep foreplay anchors a man alongside a woman with notions of romance in his head. The longer she keeps foreplay reasonably shallow and avoids the deepest kind, the more romantically inclined he becomes with her. He’s still after conquest, but she holds him in check with limits that challenge instead of turning him off. (Unless he’s only after sex and dropping her confirms that.)
Guy
That sounds much more realistic haha.
“Heavens. No”…
Sir Guy, you crack me up sometimes!
Your Heavenliness Thoko,
Thanks. The exclamation sprang unexpectedly out of childhood memories, strictly old school.
Guy
Thank you. Thank you. I’m starting to date again and I’m depending on this site to keep my head straight.
Your Princesstial Highness Abigail,
Your head is already straight, but listen to your mother anyway. Father too. Then, define who you are, what you’ll be and won’t be, and what you expect in men and a particular man.
Guy