Her Highness Anonymous inquired about boyfriend as king and what all it means.
Her goal: She should treat him such that he wants to stay with her forever, which means he becomes devoted to her and seeks to cherish her for life. It’s a tall order, and treating him as king before marriage leads to a temporary rather than permanent arrangement.
Anonymous asked: “What exactly does treating him as king entail?”
- She fears losing him more than he fears losing her, so she tries to sell herself as ideal for his companion/mate/date/girlfriend/wife.
- She wants him to feel good about her, so she repeatedly tries to keep him happy about her. At his slightest disappointments, she retreats into guilt mode.
- She tries to convince him that she’ll never drop him, or she could never devote herself to another man, or that he’s her one-and-only.
- She treats him royally and expects him to return it and be kingly benevolent. (Once he conquers her, benevolence does not remain top of mind to him, if it ever did.)
- She gives him anything he wants, before she finds out whether he’s truly after sex or her. (If he doesn’t have to devote himself to winning her endorsement of him as potential Mr. Right, she’ll not figure out if she outranks sex before she makes mistakes.)
- She gives freely what she wants to give him, because it makes her feel good to make him feel good. (This elevates his expectations to expect the same after marriage.)
- She tries to make herself worthy of him, instead of requiring him to make himself worthy of her. (The male nature too easily distrusts and even disrespects givers of unearned gifts and favors. Being producers, men appreciate highly what they have to work for.)
- She lets him get by dominating her and their relationship to the point of being offensive. (She loses self-respect and, consequently, his respect.)
- She doesn’t challenge his behavior inappropriate for the marriage she envisions with him. (Her challenges after marriage will ring hollow.)
- She accepts his values and standards about morality, courtesies, and mutual respect. Fearful of losing him, she buys into his habits (that she will later scorn).
The subject continues tomorrow in article #804.
(The male nature too easily distrusts and even disrespects givers of unearned gifts and favors. Being producers, men appreciate highly what they have to work for.)
As a male, I totally agree with this!! Another thing is that we ALWAYS want what we can’t have!!
*Standing Ovation*
Your Princesstial Highness Miss Dawn,
Thank you. I love it when pretty women put their spotlight on me.
Guy
That about covers it Guy.
Your Princessness Theresa,
Nope. There’s more tomorrow.
Guy
Ya, I rememebered that after I posted that, looking forward to it. Anyway, seems the above are parts-pieces of just being hard to get, not playing hard to get, which you still have to be after getting married,but not in all the same ways.
My boyfriend and I are graduating from college this year and he is already talking about cohabiting. Of course I can’t say, “No way! If I give you all of the perks of being married without being married, why would you ever marry me?” Any advice on how to tell him no?
Your Highness Anonymous,
Smile greatly and often and gently nod ‘No’. Thank him for considering you, but it’s neither your style nor ambition. It doesn’t fit your life plan.
You have values and standards up to which you expect to live, such as those of your religion, parents, you, and your newly educated self. You expect to drive yourself toward a happy life by finding and creating gratitude in castle building for your husband, nurturing your children by him, connecting with extended family, and otherwise spreading your interests as improved by education.
You don’t have to tell him directly, but drop seeds that cohabiting is adolescent, immature, and self-centered withdrawal from the formalities of a good life and solid future. Without your security interest firmed up legally, you will continually stay self-centered, fearful, and uncertain. Don’t be more specific, don’t explain, and don’t complain.
Just stick to the same theme that you have bigger and better things to chase and live up to than just shacking up for convenience, whether sex, economic, or friendly.
Guy
Thanks, will do that!