Her Highness Jessica at #802 also inquired about treating boyfriend as king. Article #803 described mistakes women make easily on the road of good intentions.
Jessica specifically asked: “How should she treat him BEFORE marriage?”
- Don’t think of how he should be treated. Think about how he should treat you, and then avoid making the mistakes cited in #803 and below.
Women should also keep these things in mind:
- Kingly treatment means he gets what he wants when he wants it. But worse, he learns to expect it and even expect more after marriage. After all, he’s due some special deference after the altar, right?
- Whether he’s after her or just sex, he expects to compete with her. She should keep the competition alive until after the altar. He should have to work for every step of progress he makes with her, have to prove himself worthy of her rather than vice versa. Kings never do that, so treating him prematurely as king short-circuits their path to or after the altar.
- It’s not what he gets as premarital king, it’s what he learns to expect. On the other hand, treating him as king after marriage meets his expectations, and he learns to appreciate what he gets rather than expect more.
- He will jump at the chance of being treated as her king. If the opportunity is denied him, it makes him look for ways to win her favor, which leads precisely to devotion.
- They both change after conquest and not for her good unless marriage came first.
- Prior to conquest, she should compete strongly with him to protect her virtue, virtual virginity, or actual virginity. She treats him as mere prince with potential but never certainty for capturing her.
- He marries expecting not to change and he doesn’t, so however she treats him before marriage is what he will expect afterward.
- When she treats him as king before marriage, she endorses his male dominance far beyond what she will be happy with in married life.
The series ends with this thought: Marriage comes after courtship, and his kingliness does too.
“…Don’t think of how he should be treated. Think about how he should treat you…”
“…Don’t think of how he should be treated. Think about how he should treat you…”
“…Don’t think of how he should be treated. Think about how he should treat you…”
“…Don’t think of how he should be treated. Think about how he should treat you…”
Repeat it again ladies!
I swear by my life upon the above principle.
In praticing this, one man told me that I was crazy to have the expectations of a woman with movie star beauty (the exact words were: “Who do you think you are Alicia Keys?”) and that I should not consider such frivilous things such as how I want to be treated, because in his mind I wasn’t worth it because I did not have the beauty of a thin-fair skinned-bi~racial-holloywood star.
“…Don’t think of how he should be treated. Think about how he should treat you…”
*repeat*
*repeat*
If you are black, Miss Dawn, we don’t have to put up with colorism anymore–men of other ethnicities think we’re pretty on the outside—just shine and be your sweet self
I’ve seen photos of Miss Dawn. She’s a lovely lady! If someone doesn’t appreciate us…we’re gone! No exceptions.
Guy, it seems the women nowadays do just the opposite. Dawn’s right, that was superb.
I do not have “movie star beauty,” but my husband treats me like I do. He gets upset if I put my looks down. He calls me “gorgeous” (I’m not). He comes home with roses from time to time. He’s not perfect, but if I’d married my previous boyfriend who walked all over me (and I treated TOO well), I’d never have met my dear husband. I cringe when I think of what might have been!
Your Exceptionalness Rose,
Inner beauty often shows up as gorgeous. I just finished Sarah Palin’s autobiography, “Going Rogue.” If I had never seen her or a picture, I saw these in her inner beauty: impressive, stunning, lovely, magnificent, elegant, and attractive. Those terms make up over half of the synonyms of gorgeous. Bet hubby measures you similarly.
Guy
I’ve seen your photo Miss Dawn. You are under-estimating your beauty. {{{hugs}}}
. . .”Don’t think of how he should be treated. Think of how he should treat you.” . . . and think of Sleeping Beauty. This fairy tale captures the essence of how the courtship should play out. She does absolutely nothing in fact she is comatose. Her hopeful suitors must risk life and limb to prove themselves worthy of such an enchanting Princess. The more who try and fail the more determined others are to win the elusive prize. Don’t you know Prince Charming’s love and devotion for Sleeping Beauty was heightened to heaven from overcoming such a formidable challenge? And they lived happily ever after . . .
Your Exceptionalness Lady Carmen,
Thank you for a super wise addition to the theme. Much like good comedy, fairy tales last because they have an element of truth embedded. I never saw it with Sleeping Beauty until you described it. Thank you for enlightening me.
Guy
Sleeping Beauty has always been my favorite Disney Princess movie!! I watched it ALL the time as a little girl! I always tried to act like her when I was little. Who knew all those years of practicing to be a princess when I was younger would help me maintain my femininity as an adult
Thanks Lady Carmen for posting that
How does one reward good boyfriend actions while avoiding treating him as king before marriage?
Your Highness Anonymous,
Reward him for actions that demonstrate character rather than actions that flow from his dominance. For example, DO reward him for accompanying you to church or giving special attention to your parents and recognize his giving of himself to please you or others. Praise consistent respect he shows for servers in restaurants. DON’T praise his bodybuilding or reward his taking you to some mostly masculine adventure/thrill venue as his example of an enjoyable date. DON’T acknowledge with special attention his desire to do what you don’t want to do. Anticipate how he will try to please you. If not as you desire/expect, give no feedback that he can take as approval.
Plant seeds about the royal treatment that awaits him sometime in the unpredictable future with only the slightest hint that it could be marriage and even slighter that it could be with you. (Remember, he will marry you for the promise he sees in you for supporting his future ambitions and endeavors. Promise in his mind comes from what he concludes from your actions and not the words you use to promise yourself.)
Guy