Dear Ladies,
Women could adopt many a motto for their gender. One of my favorites deserves mention by itself:
- Learn to give and you learn to live.
Until you experience joy from giving, you won’t fully enjoy the pleasure of living. It’s feminine nature in action. If you desire to be more feminine, find more ways to give of yourself.
Guy can explain the reasons it works so well. The following comes from him.
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Why and How It Works
Mrs. Guy cites the wonders of giving of yourself. Not gifting of objects but delivering unsolicited favors, words, and burden-lifting with two results: From your actions someone feels better about their self, and you are rewarded with pleasurable thoughts about yourself.
You give yourself to your children, and we call it unconditional love. But you love your husband conditionally. Giving of yourself pushes your love toward the unconditional and becomes a change agent to help turn romantic love into enduring love.
Actions program the subconscious mind. The more you give of yourself, the more you’ll give of yourself. The pleasurable thoughts you receive program your own mind to motivate you to do more of the same.
Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts, but husband knows he deserve you. So, giving of yourself is something he ‘earned’. You’re always welcome to do it, but don’t expect that he’ll reciprocate until he ages into or beyond middle age.
Giving of one’s self is not inherent in the male nature. However, a wife that does it for years eventually finds that husband gets more like her. It’s the self-fulfilling prophecy effect: We become like those with whom we associate.
Mothers, especially those without husbands, often misplay it. They have so much love to give their children that they fall into indulgent love. They pamper and protect kids beyond what they need, and it stunts childhood development.
Their nature energizes females to extend themselves on behalf of others. The male nature does not. When women set the example by giving of themselves, men eventually catch on to the joy of giving—not all, but many do.
Mr. and Mrs. Guy, thank you for a beautiful description of giving, especialy during a good marriage itself. What I wrote in the previous post (#817)was poorly expressed. I am sure I did not communicate well regarding responding to a man rather than giving (a “good thought” gleaned from this site and expressed in other resources as well) meaning that responding to a man during the attraction, dating and courtship phase works better than the woman giving and giving and giving. I have recently gained first-hand experience that responding to the man’s overtures (letting him pursue me) works far better than me doing/giving everything I can within reason to try to please him. I hope this helps.
Your Delicateness Awaitingmrgoodenough,
I take it you’re referring to your sentence: “And I guess the good thought that means the most to me right now is: ‘You RESPOND to a man, you don’t GIVE.’”
It’s a beaut! I’ve already filed it with my other ‘Favored Quotes’. It may expand into an article too.
Guy
Thank you Mr and Mrs Guy. I appreciate your wisdom. (Now let me study to think how I can give more… every little bit helps.) Maybe Mrs Guy, you might like to list some of the ways in which you bless your beloved. ..any ideas welcomed.
Your Prettiness Linda L,
Mrs. Guy claims she’d love to part with some tips. However, she also claims that she’s not about to let me in on such secrets.
So, I’ll try the next best thing: I’ll try to make such a list from my husbandly viewpoint.
Guy
Hi Mrs. Guy!
Thank you so much for your wissom! I was wondering if you or Mr. Guy could help me with some pointers on how to discern when it is most appropriate to NOT give of oneself?
All I see around me is a bunch of doormat, co-dependant women with no joy. they give and give and give and it does not bring them joy. It makes them bitter and depleted.
For instance, Guy says men do not appreciate unearned gifts. But then giving of oneself gives joy?
This can be terrible confusing for women like me.
thanks so much!!!!
I’m a little confused. Surely if a man feels at his best when he is fulfilling the three Ps (problem solving, providing and protecting) then he is also giving when he is fulfilling these 3 Ps? Providing for a family is giving as far as I can see it. So is problem solving and protecting. I think a good man gives just as much as a good woman but in different areas. Women give more in the domestic realm, but men give in their providing realm as well. A man who works hard at the office and comes home late is giving just as much to the family as his stay-at-home wife. Am I missing something?
Your Delightfulness Ladylike,
You are correct in how you use ‘giving’. But, I address something quite different. Not the generic ‘giving’ that you cite, but the female-specific giving of herself for the sake of others.
Perhaps not clearly enough, but in posts 818 and 819 I focus on the unique female spirit that makes women give of themselves above and beyond duty, responsibility, demand, and expectations of others.
Men don’t do it, and many women miss out on it. But it makes a big difference in life, as Mrs. Guy points out with her quip: Learn to give and you learn to live.
Guy
Dear Guy,
Oh, I see… I suppose that is the nurturing aspect of a woman’s nature…
Your Ten-ness Ladylike,
Yes, I think you’re right. Never connected it before, but you make it simple and clear. Thanks.
Guy