She initiates, and he reacts; it’s the opposite of what works best for a lifetime together. I’m not sure, but I’d bet: Except for the man suggesting they shack up, modern women are first to pledge commitment, seek his commitment, and even include shack up as essential or a lure to seal the deal.
· As I use these terms here: Dedication is his effort; devotion is what she receives. From signs of his dedication, she infers his devotion.
A woman shouldn’t commit before he commits, and not even then unless she sees devotion in his eyes and actions and not just his words. Why? Odds greatly favor only a temporary arrangement, plus she encourages his natural dominance to be more dominant.
· If he makes himself worthy of her, she may win but no guarantees. If she makes herself worthy of him, she loses. Yielding to his conquering nature automatically makes her worthy of him. He interprets it to mean that he’s good enough for her just as he is. This means his natural dominant spirit is also okay. As a challenge to him, her value goes down, and it adds temporariness.
· By providing sex and committing to a man without marriage, she takes him off the hook and hangs herself on it. How? Her commitment neutralizes his competitors for him—other men. This takes pressure off him to show dedication for her. Having had sex with her, growth of his dedication slows or stops. He competes less strenuously to keep her, because he’s had her. And so, he gets by with giving less of himself to fulfill his promises. This too adds temporariness.
Those points should caution women today, but feminist blather convinces them otherwise. Dealing with men, they try to force success with short-term endeavors. This costs them long-term togetherness.
ATTENTION:
I EDITED THIS COMMENT ON 2/12. THE UPPER CASE TEXT IS MINE IN RESPONSE TO HER PRINCESSTIAL HIGHNESS MISS DAWN.
GUY
Hi Guy! You did it again
“… Her commitment neutralizes his competitors for him—other men. This takes pressure off him to show dedication for her….”
Okay.
So I have heard from men when they were crazy about a woman and wanted to marry her, that one of theIr primary reasons was so that “no one else could have her/I want her all to myself”- So basically, in order to create this type of dynamic, a woman has to have men at her disposal, she has to be a woman who has a large pool of men to choose from, she is wanted by many and that is what gives her power. The power to choose. NOPE! A MAN DOESN’T OPERATE FROM HER PERCEPTIONS. HE IMAGINES HIS COMPETITION BASED ON HER IMPORTANCE TO HIM AND HIS RISK OF LOSING HER. USING HER POWER TO SCREEN IS THE FEMALE METHOD OF EXERCISING POWER TO CHOOSE.
So as shallow and ugly as a female might see a man’s motivations for devoting himself to a woman, over and over again there are things about how men work that truly disgust me. THIS BELIEF PUTS YOU AT A DISADVANTAGE. FORGETFULNESS CAN SOMETIMES BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN FORGIVENESS. THIS IS A GOOD CASE FOR IT.
And also this shows why most of the women who do the whole ” first to pledge commitment, seek his commitment, and even include shack up as essential or a lure to seal the deal” are women who men don’t want. NO, EACH WOMAN DOING THAT HAS NOT QUALIFIED HER MAN. SHE’S REACHING TOO FAR, APPEARS DESPERATE, AND IT REFLECTS POORLY WITH HIM FOR DEDICATION TO HER. IN THIS CASE HER ACTIONS MAKE HER ‘UNWANTED’.
So basically woman who are not thin, stunningly beautiful and exotic, delicately feminine in everyway, have to work sooooo hard even to no avail, to cause a guy to become devoted to her- BEAUTIES ALSO WORK HARD TO EARN HIS DEVOTION, OR THEY GET USED FOR SEX OR HE REMAINS TEMPORARILY. because he sees that no other men are around her, whether she has committed herself to him or not, and so could it be that the lack of competition that was not deliberately caused by the woman affects a man’s feelings of love and devotion? IF HE WANTS HER JUST TO BEAT HIS COMPETITION, HE’S NOT AFTER HER AND WILL STAY BUT TEMPORARILY. HIS COMPETITON NORMALLY ONLY REGISTERS OUT OF FEAR OF LOSING HER, AND IT COMES FROM HIS IMAGINATION AND NOT HERS.
Not every woman can be the “girl every man wants” A TEN IN APPEARANCE CAN BE A 1 OR 2 TO LIVE WITH. MEN MARRY FOR THE PROMISE THEY SEE AS WIFE AND NOT AS SEX OBJECT. and he has to put the ring on it so she won’t choose someone else, my God, how about just going for what you like about her? MEN DO GO FOR WHAT THEY LIKE ABOUT HER, WHEN THEY FINALLY MARRY HER, BUT SHE HAS LOTS OF WORK TO CONVINCE HIM TO SEE PROMISE IN HER AS WIFE.
I think I know all that I need to know about the nature of men. All of my deepest fears have been confirmed, and I am at a point in my life where I am longing so bad to be a wife and mother. DREAMS ABOUT WHAT YOU WILL HAVE AFTER MARRIAGE CAN BE MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVE THAN FEARS ABOUT WHAT YOU DON’T OR CAN’T HAVE NOW. OUR ATTITUDE REFLECTS WHAT’S IN OUR HEARTS, AND FEARFULNESS REPELS RATHER THAN ATTRACTS.
And so, I’m trying to lose weight and it is so hard, but I know that no man will ever love – I mean, devoted, in love like crazy about- a 300 pound woman. ACTION CURES FEAR. ACTION CURES DEPRESSION. ACTION CURES WHATEVER AILS ONE. MORE ACTION STARTS TRENDS. MORE TRENDING REACHES GOALS. REWARD YOURSELF WITH OTHER THAN FOOD EVERYTIME YOU LOSE FIVE POUNDS. TRY IT, YOU’LL LIKE IT. BABY STEPS EVENTUALLY PRODUCE ADULT-SIZE STEPS.
So maybe I should just resign myself to some man who will use me and abuse me. Because like all of us ugly, unnatractive, fat, women know- and the men know it too: It comes down to this: IT DOESN’T HAVE TO. RADIANCE, POSITIVE ATTITUDE, AND FEARLESSNESS OFFSET UGLY, UNATTRACTIVE, AND FAT. OFFSETTING ONE’S FLAWS HAS THE SAME EFFECT ON VIEWERS AS HANGING A NEW PICTURE AND NOT SEEING IT AFTER THREE DAYS. THE MEN ONLY KNOW IT WHEN YOU SHOW THAT YOU THINK IT. THEY RESPECT YOUR CONVICTIONS.
1. No one else wants you THEN MAKE YOURSELF MORE VALUABLE AS WIFE CANDIDATE
2. I (the man) know this GIVE HIM SOMETHING ELSE TO SEE ABOUT YOU. DIVERT HIS MIND TO YOUR PROMISE, AND THAT WILL SLIP YOUR FLAWS OUT OF HIS SIGHT. THEN, THE PROBLEM BECOMES FORGIVING YOURSELF. BY FOCUSING EXCLUSIVELY ON HIM, YOU’LL ALSO FORGET ABOUT YOURSELF.
3. You can choose to be abandoned (Female greatest fear) GIVING UP ON HOPE IS SELF-ABANDONMENT.
4. You can deal with my s**t and take what ever crumbs of affection I give you. THAT’S THE MALE DOMINANCE VIEW AND NEITHER FEMMY NOR PROMISING FOR WIFELINESS.
*sigh* Choices Choices….SHIFT GEARS INTO DREAMING ABOUT THE FUTURE, SETTING AND PURSUING INTERMEDIATE GOALS THAT WILL GET YOU THERE, AND TAKING ACTIONS TO DISTURB OR CHANGE WHATEVER EXISTS TODAY.
I wish I didn’t long like I do for a man in my life. The curse of Eve is more than I can bear.
LONGING IS COUNTERPRODUCTIVE, BECAUSE IT MAKES ONE CONCENTRATE ON WHAT’S MISSING. DREAMING, ON THE OTHER HAND, FOCUSES ONE’S THOUGHTS ON THE PLEASURES THAT FOLLOW FILLING ONE’S GOALS. 
Miss Dawn,
I’m sorry that you feel so discouraged. I don’t know what Guy will have to say but we all see people of all shapes and sizes getting married everyday. Super beautiful women have no monopoly on happiness or men’s devotion–and that’s something that’s clearly observable.
The article didn’t say that a woman has to be a supermodel to be extraordinary in a man’s eyes. (She doesn’t.) He just needs to feel that she’s a treasure and wants to make sure that no one else gets his treasure. Please don’t assume that to be a treasure to a man means that you have to conform to media standards of beauty. Being a treasure is composed of lots of things–internal and external.
The thing about thinking someone is a great catch is that you AUTOMATICALLY assume that other people would want this great catch too. It is great, after all. From my experience, if a man thinks you’re great, he’s already ASSUMING that he has competition and that other men think you’re great too. The only way to mess that perception up is to either tell him otherwise or to, as Guy said, commit to him in a way that tells him that you’re completely closed off to any other suitors, that he’s won the game already. This has nothing to do with flaunting the number of men who are after you. In fact, that would be somewhat counterproductive, imo.
Also, I don’t think a woman’s power comes from being wanted by many. I think it comes from close adherence to her own standards and unconditional love for herself. It’s internal rather than external. If a woman is thinking, “Oh, no one else wants me, I guess I have to settle for this guy,” then she’s basically said she only thinks of herself as what those around her think of her. Either a man meets your standards and expectations or he doesn’t. Choosing him or not choosing him has to do with what you want, not with that you think you have to accept.
Miss Dawn, please don’t feed into this attitude anymore. Not that it’s easy, but if there are things that you want to change about yourself, you can do it. You should–for yourself. Don’t wait for a man to come along to affirm that you’re worth it. It won’t work that way. Live and act like you’re worth it already. You are.
Your Princessness Denise,
Extremely wise counsel and clearly written. I will chime in Friday morning.
Guy
Thanks Denise.
Whew! It’s goign to take a minute to digest all of this. I guess I am far more bitter than I allowed myself or even could have seen before.
It’s so hard to believe that men could respect a womans “convictions” about herself if what she is convinced about is so very unreasonably and starkly antithietical to obvious to reality.
If I saw an ugly person who belived they were hot- I would see just that. AN UGLY PERSON WHO IS SELF DELUDED ABOUT BEING HOT. I would not all of a sudden fall into a trance basedon thier conviction about themself.
Or is that maybe another one of natures female vs male differences.
Great food for thought Mr. Guy.
Thank You.
Your Exceptionalness Miss Dawn,
Of course you don’t suddenly fall into a trance. Instead, possessing a growing affection for the ‘ugly person who is self-deluded about being hot’ and just like a new picture you hung a week ago, you’d soon favor the hot over the self-delusion.
If you lacked a growing affection for other things about that person, you’d stay focused on the self-delusion.
So, to help yourself and the other person, see what’s good about them and you with them and learn to like yourselves together more and more. The flaws fade, and when they do, they become much less important to relationship solidarity. It’s the self-fulfilling prophecy, and it works to get both people living up to the expectations of one another.
Guy
Hi Guy… Pleeease would love to hear your opinion on this…
You said: “….If you lacked a growing affection for other things about that person, you’d stay focused on the self-delusion….”
Since men are more “visual” than women in terms of mate selection, is the above statement true for only women? Or is it true for both sexes?
Thank you so much Mr. Guy. getting so much insight from this thread!
Your Beauteousness Miss Dawn,
It works for both genders. It’s about perception by all senses rather than just the visual.
It’s the self-fulfilling prophecy working in the opposite direction from growing affection makes one overlook the self-delusion. People live up to your expectations of them.
Guy
Sir Guy,
This is somewhat tangential to the post, but I’ve encountered it elsewhere and wondered what you thought:
“A man decides to get married when the time is right and makes the woman he’s with the right one (or finds one that’s good enough); but a woman finds the right man [or Mr. Good Enough] and makes it the right time whenever she finds him.”
So basically, until a man feels ready in his life, it won’t matter how many “right” women pass through it. But for a woman, she’s always ready and even if it’s bad timing, she’ll make it work.
Do you have any thoughts about this?
Your Supreme Highness Denise,
You’ve stirred sufficient interest for a full article. Look for it Saturday am as #832.
Guy
AND Miss Dawn, you are very, very pretty so cut with the “ugly” talk. I’ve seen photos and you’re a pretty lady!
Thank you Rita,
If I was gay I suppose I would have it made, but its just no tthe same when women think I’m pretty. I could care less, I want to be pretty to the men.
You know what i mean girl
Your Exceptionalness Miss Dawn,
I also saw your picture and also call you pretty. Everything good and worthwhile starts with small beginnings.
Guy
There have been many people I have known in my life who were not “pretty” or “handsome” by most people’s standards, and when I first met them, I didn’t consider them to be very attractive. [Not saying that they were hideous or anything, but just that they were "average" or below-average in the looks department.] Yet as I got to know them, I found them to be more attractive, though their looks didn’t change. Similarly, there have been people who are quite good-looking by most people’s standards, yet their attitudes soured me on their looks, and I have a hard time thinking them even remotely attractive because of it.
Make the most of what you *do* have [I haven't seen pictures of you, so can't say one way or another] — at the least, you have a smile, which is highly attractive. Practice that, and see if you get better results. If nothing else, smiling will make you feel better — that’s actually been researched! — and feeling better gives you a better attitude, and a better attitude gives you a better outlook on life, and a better outlook on life gives you a better *life*.
I related to everything you said though. This battle is being fought in our minds.
Yes it is girl. I am learing how to protect and feed my mind good things but it is difficult because trash and filth and rubbish is the norm in society today.
Miss Dawn –
Just as women like different things in men (that is, have differing tastes as to what is attractive), different men have differing tastes as to what makes a woman attractive. My husband would be more likely to like a woman “with meat on her bones” as to be attracted to a thin woman. When we got married, he thought I was too skinny. He’s pleased with me now (which tells you I’m not thin!). But, there are men who like skinny, I know, and there are men who like heavier women. If you have confidence in yourself, you don’t have to be “self-deluded into thinking your so hot.” You can be secure in the knowledge that you are (or will be) “hot” to someone (and, trust me, you are!!)!!