Mystery Solved: How come low sex drive plagues wives but not their husband? The answers lay behind this truism: Sex is a mind game for females and a hormone game for males.*
Both cause and cure of low sex drive reside within the female mind. Without thinking of other things, a female could enjoy sex. But it’s tough for women, because they can’t compartmentalize sex as men do. She can’t or won’t switch on and off as he does, and much is natural. But worse, women take or let other issues intrude into the sexual arena. This causes interference and confusion in her mind, frustrations rise up, and low sex drive follows.
Females never give up trying to get their way, manipulate, or improve their man. Also, they expect him to grasp her unexpressed wishes, read body language, and know how to do better at having sex. They expect him to more deliberately meet her specific and variable sexual needs, when her needs are unique from men and differ greatly from other women.
Women also expect that if a man has experience with other women, he should be able to figure out her needs. If so, it’s probably accidental, but women tolerate male sexual experience with that hope in mind.
Of course some men practice to become expert lovers and can, given the chance, sexually sweep most women to ecstasy. Their success lies with ability to get a female to compartmentalize sex away from the rest of her life; she forgets everything else for awhile.
Stinking Thinking: As with most everything else women can change themselves. Men don’t, or at least they resist mightily. Women take this to mean the male gender is defective, because if women can improve, then certainly men should be improvable too. Women are wrong to think it, and more wrong to depend on it.
Women try or deny sex to teach or punish their man. After several millennia females still can’t accept that the male side of the sexual equation defies further resolution from the least common denominator, his single-mindedness about sex.
Real Life: God designed, Nature endows, and hormones stimulate the male sex drive. Testosterone and others cause a man’s spirit to curdle with thoughts of changing to please a woman. It’s not the woman. His hormones determine his life and strengthen his indomitable vigor, character, steadfastness, and dependability for all of life’s missions—especially as producer/provider/protector/problem-solver for a family—and including sex drive.
Instead of taking advantage of the unchangeable male nature, wives fall prey to stinking thinking. It starts with frustration, husband gets the blame, but she reaps damage in unexpected consequences:
· Frustrations dealing with him sprout as disappointment in herself. A little guilt may intrude in her mind. She can only stand so much of both, and she commits to do something about it. So, she transfers her negative feelings to husband and sex. Disappointment grows into indifference about him sexually, which takes away the meaning of sex, which then suffocates his meaning to her. This makes her more and more displeased with his sex drive, and it primes him to go trophy hunting.
· The more indifference she shows about sex, the more wham bam indifferent he becomes to her needs. Intimacy fades further and affection is not far behind. Her indifference moves her away from what she craves most.
· Success inspires people to repeat what they do. She can’t help but sense success at being indifferent. (“I’ll show him,” and she does.) It soothes her disappointment and amplifies her indifference. More indifference grows from her unavoidable success. (“I showed him!”)
· Lack of feedback about success inspires people to quit trying, and they soon quit. When he senses her indifference during sex, it sprouts as his failure and pushes him to seek success elsewhere. [And female readers ask: Why doesn’t he respond by trying to reverse her indifference? And men respond: I don’t know how to do that, and I don’t particularly care to learn. If she has no greater appreciation of who I am and what I do, including sex, then it’s her problem.]
· Husband reads wife’s indifference to sex as indifference about him. Sex IS him, so he translates indifference as her lack of dependence on him. This, in turn, transmutes into less respect for her and his love weakens in the process.
Dream Life: The root cause of low sex drive among females is indifference brought on by inability or unwillingness to compartmentalize sex away from the rest of their life. Women that learn to do it can upgrade their sex drive. But, of course, they have to want to do it.
Women complain how much their man wants sex. “It seems ungrateful to me. What is better than being desired by the man who loves you?”**
* Mrs. Laura Wood’s clear thinking helped inspire the truism at top.
** Mrs. Wood’s wisdom fills this quote. You’ll find her commendable blog at www.thinkinghousewife.com.