867. Gender Differences Revisited — Group X


  • A woman’s love shows up as words and actions that reveal her affection. As she demonstrates affection and loving kindness, she becomes more loving of the object of that affection. A man’s love shows up with his producing, providing, protecting, and problem-solving for someone for whom he feels responsible. His loving actions confirm to him his love for that someone.
  • The internal forces that push a man forward—qualities such as work ethic, responsibility, rugged individualism—are comparable to the internal forces that warm a woman’s psyche such as love, affection, and intimacy.
  • Women complain about male dominance. The more a woman likes herself as a female for being female, and the more feminine she portrays herself as such, then the less she permits men to dominate her. Men learn easily to use much softer gloves with women they highly respect. And men respect friendly and feminine females that exploit their unique nature to the fullest—which excludes as a guy, man, feminist, radical, or something else.
  • In the matter of self-respect, self-worth, and self-confidence: Women expand and strengthen those qualities after they capture a boyfriend, mate, or husband. Men possess those qualities before capturing a mate, and if wife weakens them, she makes herself more burden than blessing.
  • Women disclose their feelings easily; they view very open relationships as non-threatening. Men don’t need open relationships, and they don’t disclose feelings, unless it helps accomplish something.

24 Comments

Filed under sex differences

24 responses to “867. Gender Differences Revisited — Group X

  1. Miss Dawn

    Can’t a woman be radical and feminine at the same time? I don’t see how the two MUST be mutually exclusive.

    Your Princesstial Highness Miss Dawn,

    Of course she can be both, if men don’t matter. Radical and feminine are not mutually exclusive by intentions but by lessons learned dealing with men.

    First, radical leads her down a road that men seldom travel with women they seek to capture for more than sex. Just exhibiting or acting radical puts her in a driver’s seat, which doesn’t leave room for him.

    Second, radical outweighs feminine several times to one, when observed by men interested in her romantically. She holds too many potential surprises for a man to act as escort; if surprised as her escort, then does it appear that she escorts him?

    Third, radical presumes an ideology, which can easily compete with his belief system or worldview, and men either dominate or flee from competition with females. So, her ‘radical’ too easily threatens his comfort with her.

    Fourth, in the process of defending her radical positions with which he disagrees, she loses a man’s interest and even respect. Competition, you know.

    Fifth, radical signifies that she expects to be followed in certain aspects of life. Men normally dodge such ‘invitations’ with concomitant loss of interest in her.

    Thus, radical and feminine are not mutually exclusive for females, but they are for holding a man’s interest. Her unique potential for surprises, threats, and disagreement can too easily cancel a man treating her with the softer gloves that straight-feminine earns so easily and naturally.

    Simplified, when she ranks radical above feminine, men see reduced value in her for fulfilling a man’s ambitions with one woman. Her value as potential wife simply declines.

    Guy

  2. Abigail

    I have a radical “bent” myself. I’ve often thought of myself as a rebel, in a sense. When I was younger I was always itching for a fight, didn’t matter what it was about.

    Currently I am trying to channel my radical energies into being a feminine woman which today is a seriously radical way to live. I can be radical without being in anyone’s face just leading by example. One of the most radical things we women can do is practice virtual virginity (ie stop sleeping with men who haven’t proven their commitment to us by marrying us.) It is much more difficult than getting into fruitless arguments with people (like I am prone to do) but bears more fruit.

  3. Miss Dawn

    Hmmm…. it would have helped for us to define “radical.”

    Are you familiar with ministry leader Joyce Meyer?

    She is my defination of radical and has a supportive, manly husband who adores her and they have been married for 40 years.

    I didn’t mean politically radical as in a leftist leaning, but radical as in unconventional, firery, dedicated to a cause, perhaps a true artist, soemone who is out of the norm, courageous, inspiring, passionate. A woman dedicated to making a difference in the world. A woman who isn’t afraid to speak up for the less fortunate, and inspire others to do good.

    What is your defination of radical in refernce to a woman guy? (non-feminist radical that is)

    Certainly these things coincide with femininity?

    I think men are very attracted to feminine, beautiful, radical women.

  4. Abigail

    I am familiar with Joyce Meyer. Not a fan. There are plenty of criticisms of her on the web so I won’t waste bandwidth here with mine.

    It would be interesting to be a fly on the wall in their home to see what her and Dave’s relationship is actually like.

    • Miss Dawn

      Hey Abigail,

      All I know is that any man who will support his wife through the thick and thin, and to travel with her and sit in the front row and support her path in life- to go all over the world to serve others, to stick with it in the early hard times.. Is a source of inspiration to me.

      The fact that a woman who was exually abused by her father for years as a child, has so many problems— was still able to go on and find a man that loved her and married her and on top of that to achieve her vision in life- is a damn lot more than what most women can say!

      I find that me and her have a lot in common- and I also know that I do better with very secure, stable, low-key types of men who aren’t simply “not afriad” but are supportive in letting me shine.

      I know for myself, I am a charismatic, dynamic woman. I do public speaking and love being the center of attention.

      I hope to someday have a ministry to help orphans in America, and I know God will send me a mate that is perfect for me.

      Also Abigail, while it is true we can never know everything about people unless we were a “fly on the wall”- I think some things speak for themselves- After all, Guy on his blog has been married for about 40 years right? Outside of all other things, should’nt that say something? Joyce and Dave Meyer have been married that long! He certainly isn’t a weenie man! At over six feet all and handsome even in his 60′s- I’m sure if he really didn’t want to be with Joyce he had other options.

      I’m happy to see that all women dont have to be a cookie cutter prototype of weeping willow femininity to have a MAN who adroes them.

      He was known to say that one of the things he loved about her is her “fire.”

      I’m a firey one as well and wish there were more public examples of marriages for women like me to aspire to.

  5. Miss Dawn

    “Fourth, in the process of defending her radical positions with which he disagrees, she loses a man’s interest and even respect. Competition, you know. ..”

    Well, you assume Mr. Guy that she chooses to argue with the man. Funny how radical automatically is corralated to argumentative – at least with a love intrest-

    And many men say they want a woman who can speak her mind—

    Is it or is it not true that men want a “yes dear” woman?

    OR

    Does it depend on the kind of man the women wants?

    My priority is: Respect, cherishment, consderation, patience… These are the most important from a man to me.

    Well, I plan to start dating in about a year- I am prepared to be wrong- although I sense that i’ll be okay!

    • ladylike

      According to Dr Pat Allen’s “Getting To I Do” you need to choose whether you want to be respected in a romantic relationship OR cherished. If you want to be both respected for your thoughts and ideas and leadership skills as well as cherished for your feelings she defines this as “narcissistic.”

      http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Getting-to-I-Do/Pat-Allen/e/9780380718153#EXC

      Here’s an extract:

      Dr. Carl Jung said that every man has a feminine, feeling side, and every woman has a masculine, thinking side, but until the 1960s, men who had to go out into the world to become “breadwinners” repressed their feminine side, while women who married and became “homemakers” repressed their masculine side. In those days, traditional values still prevailed in dating, courtship, and marriage. Premarital sex was frightening because of the risk of pregnancy. Abortions were illegal, dangerous, and inaccessible to many. Divorce was still a scandal, and good women obeyed their husbands.

      But in the early 1970s, the feminist movement communicated for the first time on a mass scale that “maleness,” or the male qualities that represented success, was something that could be actively pursued by women. Money, power, independence, and prestige were all within a woman’s grasp and for the first time represented something that could be realistically achieved without sacrificing cultural values. What was sacrificed were the traditional roles of male and female that had for generations been the foundation of successful relationships. In fact, women became ashamed – and understandably so, given their new acculturation – of being satisfied with the traditional female role.

      Instead of just becoming “housewives,” secretaries, or teachers, women also became managers, lawyers, college professors, and corporation presidents, just as men, not coincidentally, began releasing a more loving, gentle, and sensitive side of their nature. In Jungian terms, both women and men had begun to develop both sides of their true selves, the masculine as well as the feminine.

      Soon there were no rules of behavior particular to the male or the female in a romantic relationship. He could call her, or she could call him. She could pay for the date, or he could, or they could split it. He could pursue her, or she could pursue him. She could initiate sex, or he could. Free love was in. Commitment was out. Equality was the name of the game! Soon relationships became a kind of battleground on which men and women sought equal status, equal degrees of power and prestige.

      If this were restricted to the boardroom, it would represent only a broadening of the field of combat – but, not surprisingly, it entered the bedroom as well. With both men and women vying for the same position, the courtship dance was abandoned to two partners struggling for the lead. In the process, we forgot how to make love to one another.

      Do You Want It All, Or Are You Wiling To Compromise To Get Him?

      Freud, at the end of his career, asked the question “What do women want?” The answer most appropriate today is “everything,” and that is exactly what is wrong. Women (and men) who want it all end up with nobody to love.

  6. ladylike

    Hi Miss Dawn,

    You will run into trouble in dating if you expect a man to respect your ideas as well as cherish your feelings. If you want to take on the feminine role in the relationship, you will need to prioritise a man cherishing you over respecting your ideas. If you want to take on the masculine role in the relationship, you can be admired and respected as your priority, but then your man in the relationship will be in the feminine role, where you will be the one cherishing his feelings and taking the lead. If you want to be both respected for your ideas and cherished for your feelings in a romantic relationship, it simply won’t work!

    Dr Pat Allen writes about this in her book Getting To I Do.

    • Grace

      It makes no sense to me that a man cannot cherish a woman and respect her opinions at the same time. My mother is a brilliant woman. My father consulted and carefully considered her opinion on most things and cherished her as well. I’m sure that some men aren’t capable of this, but I consider that a character flaw and would look for a man who didn’t suffer from it.

  7. jill f.

    I disagree with the writer of “Getting to ‘I do’”. According to the above excerpt, men and women have changed their roles, expectations and actions because the rules of society have changed and this has caused problems…but the truth is that we are created uniquely to be feminine or masculine and all societal norms aside we are still what we are created to be. When a man is lacking in leadership and fails to provide for his family all but the most radical feminist does not respect him; he is a weakling. Even a physically beautiful woman who acts like an army officer to get to the top of her career is repellent to those who watch her in action.
    Until we recognize that a loving and creative God made us to be uniquely and wonderfully “male and female” we will continue to flounder around figuring out the “rules”.

    • ladylike

      Dear Jill F.

      I’m not sure that I agree with you.

      A woman can have a lot of masculine energy that she taps into when she is doing her job, for instance. By masculine energy, I mean assertiveness, leadership skills, and focused energy on the task at hand. A feminine woman can have masculine energy in certain areas of her life that make her get ahead in her career etc. The problems creep in, however, when a woman channels her masculine energy into her romantic relationships.

      Another example – a man can have passive, feminine energy when it comes to relationships (ie. expecting a woman to chase after him), and still be very much a heterosexual man.

      There is a spectrum upon which masculinity and femininity can be measured. Some women are very feminine in certain areas, but less feminine in other areas. Men respond to femininity, but when a woman doesn’t behave in a feminine manner, a man can get lazy and not behave in a particularly masculine manner.

      I believe that men and women are uniquely created to behave according to “male nature” or “female nature”. This does not necessarily equate to us being created to be “uniquely feminine or masculine”.

      Femininity and masculinity are more like forces of energy than a static state of “creation”. A woman who taps into her feminine energy in a relationship will bring out the masculinity in a man.

      What I am trying to say is that I don’t believe that “Male” and “Female” necessarily equals “Masculinity” or “Femininity”. A woman can definitely learn to be more feminine in her behaviour – I thought that this was what this blog was all about? Learning feminine behavours that counteract male dominance which stems from male nature?

      • ladylike

        Here is an example to illustrate what I mean…

        A woman can meet a man and think he’s simply wonderful. Her instinct (which stems from her female nature) is to think ahead towards marriage. Once she’s decided he has all the qualities she desires in a mate, she really wants to get him to commit to her.

        She can pursue two options:

        1) She can chase after him, sleep with him too soon, call him all the time and beg him for a commitment.

        With option one she is displaying masculine energy and the consequences are never good, as the man doesn’t cherish her or value her. He might sleep with her, but he won’t respect her.

        2) She decides NOT to chase after him, NOT to sleep with him before marriage, NOT to phone him all the time and NOT to beg him for a commitment. Instead she waits to see if he pursues her and she assesses his potential as a future mate carefully (without being bonded to him through having sex).

        With option two she is displaying feminine energy as she is expecting him to chase HER, and not the other way around. If the man really likes her, he gets fired up by her feminine behaviours and chases after her. He also respects her.

        Modern women have been taught to behave in a masculine energy manner due to Feminism. What needs to be done is to unlearn these behaviours so that relationships between the sexes can improve. A woman’s instinct to find a man stems from her female nature, and this instinct is so strong that it can override her good sense and cause her behave in a masculine energy manner.

  8. Princess Rita

    Dearest Ms. Ladylike,

    I always appreciate your input but I must most respectfully disagree that “in the 60s” men repressed their feminine side and women their masculine side. I’m a Christian and Genesis 1:27 says “so God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them”. It is clear that God created two distinct types of human beings. The bible account of the creation story goes into a lot of detail about Eve being made from using one of Adam’s ribs and also shows her weakness when she ate the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. (Some say that Adam’s sin was not keeping an eye on Eve but I can find no real evidence of this-Adam was punished because he ate the apple too). The bible even comes right out and says that women are the weaker vessel. 1 Peter 3:7 says “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. ” And don’t even get me started about the bible verses regarding submission.

    Fact is, the reason women can do what they do on a wide scale is because men have made the US and countries like it into a (fairly) safe and civilized place. Picture the early pioneers days in the US when there were many dangers outside of home, wild animals, angry Native Americans (in some cases, rightfully so) wild, lawless men and so on. Although naturally some women learned to shoot a gun etc. they depended on men to protect them and their children from harm. If you don’t think so you’ve been watching too many movies. :) Men (for the most part) did the heavy lifting of clearing the fields of large rocks so it could farmed, they built the houses and eventually roadways and so on. They tamed the wilderness, you might say. Women are not suited to this type of work. Women stayed at home and performed the equally important task of raising the next generation.

    I could go on all day about this but my point is, women are TRULY different from men…feminine and masculine behaviors and aptitudes are not social constructs. Furthermore, in my personal experience being married to a very manly man for 11 years and (in my ignorance) trying to make him more nurturing and sensitive didn’t work and only made me more hard and bitter. I also know that I can’t stand weak men. Too bad I threw one away huh?
    Because of the bitter experience of losing my marriage and having to raise my children on my own I am open to trying things God’s way instead of my way. That’s where Mr. Guy and other good authors come in. :)

    • ladylike

      Dear Princess Rita,

      I hear what you’re saying.

      However, I’m not saying that men and women are not very different biologically and hormonally etc. from men. What I was trying to highlight by posting Dr Pat Allen’s extract was the difference between masculine and feminine energy, and how women can have high proportions of masculine energy in their dealings with men due to being raised a certain way.

      I’m clearly not getting my point across very well which is that women have assumed masculine energy behaviours in relationships and that’s why so many romantic relationships fail.

      I’m sure the modern American woman (post Feminism) is very different in her behaviours from an American woman in the 1800s. She’s not different biologically but she hasn’t been raised in an environment which emphasises the importance of chastity and femininity in relationships and so she does the following:

      1) Pursues men
      2) Sleeps with men before marriage

      Women will always be women, and men will always be men. However masculine energy (as defined in the example I gave in my previous post) is not something exclusive to men.

      Society has become masculinised where a base level of behaviour has become acceptable to women, (cursing, rude talk, sexualised content on TV etc.) and refinement and femininity are no longer in fashion.

      That’s what I’ve been trying to say. Sorry if I haven’t been clear….

      • Princess Rita

        We mostly agree on this Sweetie, and I’m not sure if I can express myself adequately but I just challenge Jung’s (I believe) assertion that this “repression” happened in the sixties and that it was a repression of women of “male tendencies” and men of “woman tendencies” Maybe it’s just me but repression has a negative connotation and I think of the 50s and 60s housewife/mothers, keepers of the home, as fulfilling their God given mandate and joy rather than a repression of anything. Repression seems to be a word used by feminists to stir women up into dissatisfaction then throw off their “shackles”. I hope this makes some sense.

        Also, there are some traits of human beings that are just traits rather than male and female. The same strength a man must have to “slay dragons” out in the world is similar to the strength a woman must have to discipline and teach her children at home. Many housekeeping chores require some physical strength as well. And the bible doesn’t differentiate between men and women when it speaks of the fruit of the spirit etc. As Christians we are all supposed to be growing more and more like Jesus. God help me!!!!

  9. ladylike

    Hi Princess Rita,

    I agree with everything you say.

    You’re right, the reference to Jung had a negative connotation… I nearly deleted that from the extract before I posted it, as I didn’t really want to focus on that, but then I thought I’d just post the extract in its entirety.

    Nice chatting with you :-)

  10. Jill F.

    I’m finally getting back to this particular post (if anyone is still reading) and wanted to add my thoughts…
    As a child growing up in the 60′s in the hippie/intellectual village of Corrales New Mexico, my experience was that hippie men were very in touch with their “feminine” side! This was the generation of “I’m O.K. You’re O.K” after all. The “in” thing for a man was to be accepting, non-jealous (“Oh Baby you’re sleeping with another guy? That’s cool”), artistic (otherwise known as non -materialistic and, therefore, not providing for anyone), huggy, touchy, non opinionated….in, short, PASSIVE.

    I watched and lived with a generation who insisted that the worlds problems could be blamed on “Patriarchy” and “The Establishment” and I saw women abandon their role in the home for the “freedom” of feminism.
    I also observed the eventual results of such choices; the heartbreak of sexually transmitted diseases, abortion, children raised without fathers, poverty , drug addiction etc.

    These were well educated people (Ivy League Ph.D’s) who decided that they “knew better” than God; that the church was “yesterday” and “God was dead”.
    Finding forgiveness for my sins through Jesus Christ as a college student transformed my life (and led to rejection and ridicule from my family). Finding a husband who is a strong leader, decisive, protective and tough enough to make a good living for our large family of soon to be nine children was the greatest gift of my life.

    Is he easy to live with? Sometimes but not always. He is a man. He lets me be a woman.

    Such roles, which come from a loving and personal God, bring freedom, joy and protection not only to us, but to the beautiful children God has blessed us with.
    My childhood was fraught with fears and worries because the men had abandoned their “posts”, left their wives and were doing what felt good. Our children are secure, joyful, strong and “free” under the leadership of their daddy.

  11. Princess Rita

    Thank you for sharing this with us Jill F.

  12. Simplicity Evermore

    Ok, I have a question: Could we please have an article on flirting?

    How guys see it, how girls see it?

    I read somewhere that guys use it as a tool to see how much the girl likes them, before deciding if they wanted to invest. And I know ladies should never do it. But I would like a whole picture because I have a lot of questions about it.

    Thank you!

    Your Princessness Simplicity Evermore,
    Sure but there’s a problem. I haven’t even thought about flirting for many decades and will have to examine the subject from scratch. It will take some time. In the meantime, you might speed up the process if you prime the pump with some of your questions.
    Guy

    • Simplicity Evermore

      Ok Questions… Where to begin?

      I know some of it has to do with sex, and some of it doesn’t seem to have to.

      Where does flirting start and friendliness end? I read something once about how just making eye contact with guys is flirting. (Something about glancing over and looking away or some such.)

      What’s the difference between when a girl starts it and a guy starts it?

      What does it mean if girls do it to other girls? (Gay, competitor challenge?)

      Is a man who flirts a coward? I remember reading somewhere else that the particular blog author felt that men who flirt were seeking too much interest at too little investment. (Which he thought cowardly.)

      –I have been dealing with flirting by not responding back, and seeking displays of interest in other ways. (i.e. Don’t flirt, do X instead.

      I know that flirting can be undignified. (Women throw themselves at men.) –Umm…

      I know guys flirt because they are paying girls complements. Is all flirting a sign of interest for sex? Or just a hey-I-think-your-pretty? Is there a difference?

      (This may be the same question as the above one:) Is there a difference between pick-up flirting, and just-for-fun flirting? (Is there even such a thing?)

      How do I know if someone is flirting with me, vs throwing out a flirt and seeing who will flirt back?

      I think those are all the questions I have for now. I may think of more later. Thank you so much!!

      ~Sim Sim

      Your Sparkleness Sim Sim,
      Thanks. I’ll get started but cut me some slack. My sked is tighter than usual.
      Guy

      • gcs15

        thank you sir guy! cant wait to read more on this!
        i would love a bit more insight on flirting…ive always been accused of being a “flirt” but ive never seen it that way…i smile a lot ; laugh a lot ; im not overtly sexual; i dont dress immodestly ; i treat everyone the same way (male and female) but yet some how im accused of “flirting”….
        my female friends tell me its just other women being jealous because im smart and slim and attractive (their words not mine) but somehow when other women call me a flirt i feel trashy when i dont think i should feel that way…
        your insight is anxiously awaited!!
        ps i havent posted for a while but im still reading the blog every few days to stay current…hope you and mrs g had a wonderful christmas and a happy new year!!

        Your Highness Gcs15,
        Perception is reality. Whatever appears to be, is. Those who perceive you as a flirt will treat you that way. You can’t change them even if you change yourself to non-flirt. So, why try? Enjoy your elevated status, that of brightening up your environment with mirth, joy, good looks, and dashing wit.
        Guy

        • gcs15

          thank you this helps me a lot…i actually DID try for a while to change myself to “non-flirt”…i kept my head down; didnt interact much with those i didnt feel knew me well enough not to judge; kept quiet etc…people then started asking “whats wrong” with me…
          maybe their opinion changed …maybe it didnt but i know i was miserable and felt fake…so i went back to my true self…and im much happier for it! in all fairness i have “watched my mouth” a bit more just to be on the safe side…but only with those i dont trust…i know my true friends love and respect me for who i really am…
          and i never thought of it as “elevated status”…but im going to remember that!
          thanks for the enlightenment!!

  13. Simplicity Evermore

    No Problem. We’re busy; Real life is king.^_^

  14. ■”Women complain about male dominance. The more a woman likes herself as a female for being female, and the more feminine she portrays herself as such, then the less she permits men to dominate her. Men learn easily to use much softer gloves with women they highly respect. And men respect friendly and feminine females that exploit their unique nature to the fullest—which excludes as a guy, man, feminist, radical, or something else”

    I LOVE that! One of the reasons I hate “game” is that it promotes dominance and frames all women as the ones who accept it.

    Also: men are much more respectful and open towards women who appreciate them and give them respect. I’m delighted by men who are kind, and they give SO much back when I show appreciation and courtesy to them.

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