When love develops and sometimes even before, women lose their senses about one thing: The future can’t be anything but brighter with her new love object. She’s quick to call him The One or Mr. Right and proclaim it among girlfriends to share her excitement. (And subliminally discourage a hostile takeover of her man by a girlfriend.)
Put simply, a woman in love needs to protect herself from herself. Awarding him an unearned ‘rank’ by calling him The One or Mr. Right is premature at best and de-challenges him at worst. Such heartfelt conclusions lead down pot-holed toll roads for her and toll-free expressways for him.
If she adopts the following personal standards to shape his and her thinking and perspective, love will go much smoother and more advantageous for her. The standards are reusable and protect her if love afflicts her more than once.
Call him Mr. Good Enough to date him. Call him Mr. Promising to enter courtship. Call him The One after he proposes and is accepted. Finally, call him Mr. Right after many, many years of marital bliss or something close to it—ideally near end of life.
Calling husband The One can satisfy him better than being called Mr. Right. ‘One’ is ultimate and more meaningful to him. ‘Right’ is not ultimate, but more meaningful for her.
Why have these standards? Because women excited by love too easily overstate and over claim the promise one man holds for their future. Also, calling him better than what he’s earned eases challenges that keep him interested in her. If and when he claims prematurely that he’s Mr. Right, demote him. He’s using it because she wants to hear it. Never let him know he’s reached her ultimate until it’s too late for him to do anything else with anybody else—very old age.
Also, when a man deeply interested in a woman finds out he’s Mr. Good Enough but not The One, he rises to the challenge, seeks to outcompete other guys, and proves himself worthier and best for her. His actions lead to his devotion, but it takes time and requires much female patience.
In the end, she weakens her position by accepting him with any ‘rank’ that he’s not earned by her standards.
Guy,
I’ve been a silent follower of this blog for about three months now. I’m 25 and it certainly challenges my thinking and attitudes, but I read on with relish….it’s very refreshing.
As I said, I’ve been a silent follower, but when it came to this post I felt I must respond. I’ve been so guilty of rushing it with guys in the past and ultimately it makes ME unhappy as I don’t feel true to myself and feel as though I’ve taken on an ‘I’m in a relationship’ persona (something that is blatantly obvious to friends looking on, but never that obvious to the girl, at least not initially). I actually manage to scare myself due to the fact that I indulge in these ‘micro-relationships’ (trying to cram a full relationship which should span years into a much smaller time-frame) and after the three month mark I panic! I lose myself, I become anxious, depressed, erratic and lonely. Yes, lonely, despite having the man! Because after such a short time, it’s not based on anything solid and you don’t really know each other, yet there’s no mystery or excitement to keep it going because these supplies have been totally exhausted by over-familiarity. At this point, the female brain is working over-time: knowing that the relationship is pretty much doomed and faced with the reality of its demise, yet still somehow wanting to carry on the facade. I imagine this is far worse for the female involved as she knows the FUTURE holds no hope, whereas the now-focused males aren’t seeing too much wrong with the (probably) sex-filled scenario.
Any more on this subject, Guy, for us young single women, would be so appreciated.
Thank you so much!
Your Highness Sheherazade,
Welcome aboard. I love it when pretty women tell me such things. Your story sparkles with interest, and Princess Rita shows her gratitude. Well done, as Princess Rita herself sparkles with sound judgments.
Guy
“….Why have these standards? Because women excited by love too easily overstate and over claim the promise one man holds for their future…”
Yes. I just did this with roomie and boy am I controlling my actions. I can’t control how I feel, but I can control how much I give. And how I act.
This is one of the greatest “secrets” you have taught us Mr. Guy. Thank you so much! Also, Sheherazade…you described the problem and outcome of getting in too deep, too early so well. Bravo!
I agree, your best post yet!
Oh so very timely this is GUY!!!!! You are an ANGEL…seriously. I am very much in love right now and am having a hard time recognizing myself. My bf has taking precidence over my classes and I graduate from college in 17 days!!!!
Med school dreams have been replaced by wedding dress dreams…I’m in need of serious guidance!
I loved your roadway analogy.
Thanks for including something for us happily married women too. (Not Mr Right but The One. Interesting.) Thanks for all you do Dear Mr Guy.
Such a great post!
Lady Kaikou
Your Highness Lady Kaikou,
I agree, thank you for drawing my attention to it.
It’s a good time for me to read and remember it.
I don’t like when people do that, they should take love one step at a time. As a child, I used to think that every guy would be my “one and only” love, but then experience made me slow down after my first two “loves”. Some of us rush too much, eh? Love for the moment, I mean even if we plan for the future–we really don’t know. So we should just enjoy the time we have together now.
love is not black or white, it’s not good to put people into The category of mr. Right, we will find that out through time…
And plus real love is to be felt not just proclaimed, just because they say they(you) love you(him) doesn’t mean they(he) does..
“love is like tea in the evening, sip it slowly” <3