912. Trust First and Regret May Not Come — Part I

Commenting at article 909, Her Highness Jessica inquired along this line: With so many media stories displaying the unfaithful practices of men, how can women not be suspicious and grow distrustful of their man?

Women Have Two Options

First, as her standard practice, a woman distrusts males and their gender. Therefore, each man has to earn her trust.

Second, as her standard practice, a woman admires males and their gender. Out of the faith and goodness of her heart, she assumes every man trustworthy. Until, that is, they by their actions lose or betray some or all of her trust. Then, she deals with it accordingly.

Of course, real life is a mixture of the two. I use them as opposites only to contrast benefits, flaws in thinking, and disadvantages. I hope to show that primary and heavier emphasis on the second option favors women far more than the first.

Factors to Consider

• Being hunter-conquerors by nature, men are driven to pursue sex. ‘Unfaithful’ applies after a woman assumes or a man declares his intention to be faithful. After pledging fidelity, his trustworthiness becomes a major factor in her mind and may make the difference in his. Also, if he’s not trustworthy, high esteem and respect wither and likely die, if they ever formed.
• The psychological phenomenon known as self-fulfilling prophecy plays a starring role in encouraging and discouraging “unfaithful practices of men.” It works two ways: (1) People tend to become what others expect of them. (2) People tend to become what they expect of themselves. (The SFP neither works perfectly, directly, nor speedily, and it operates continually in background mode. Because of the female strength of indirectness, it works very well for women.)  
• His faithfulness depends upon trust in himself for living up to his pledges of fidelity. Admittedly, self-trust may be weaker than biological urge, but the absence of self-trust releases him to cheat. (That is, if he doesn’t think he can live up to his pledge of fidelity, he likely won’t.)
• Consequently, women that distrust men in general tend to induce behaviors in men that prove them untrustworthy. (He becomes as she expects, and it reinforces her thinking toward more of the same.) Men that consider themselves untrustworthy have little incentive to remain faithful, when their nature urges them toward new conquests.
• On the other hand, women that admire men and show them female goodness tend to induce masculine behaviors to keep from losing female admiration. This generates manly internal pressures that favor trustworthiness. (Never perfect but better than other options. Also note this, men don’t work to earn a woman’s trust or respect; they expect both just for being a man committed to her. Instead, men work to earn and keep her admiration.)
• Her doubts about trusting him have two effects on him: If he is trustworthy to himself, he goes negative and holds it against her. If he’s not trustworthy to himself, he goes negative for being caught and holds it against her. Either way she loses just by letting it leak out that she thinks him less than ideally trustworthy.
• If her man ever does cheat, it can’t be reversed, so prevention outbids worry/fear as best option for her. Trust that reflects from her high esteem and respect for him best serves each woman.

In the end, either his self-distrust or her distrust makes his infidelity easier. Her trust in him and trust in himself reinforce faithfulness.

Part II at #913 addresses media influence.

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