This new series describes three types of men. We’ve all heard of alpha and beta males, but it’s not enough to understand the male psyche in action. Cultural pressures in recent decades, such as the deliberate emasculation of little boys, has created a flood of a third type: the gamma male.
Many will spot some exceptions in males they know. Lines of distinction are not totally clear between individuals, because a little bit of the other two roles exist in each predominant alpha, beta, and gamma.
The series should prompt women to ponder these questions and advice:
1. Which type of man you would desire? (Learn to better ID and screen men.)
2. Which type of mate you currently have? (Learn how and even if you want to make adjustments in your life.)
3. Which type of man your boy will grow up to be? (Learn how to avoid over-mothering, especially what we now call helicopter moms and the politically correct. Also, learn how to avoid over-parenting the boy’s father; emasculate the father and you emasculate the son.)
Remember: Men shape society and what people do; women shape the culture with values that determine why people do what they do in society. Men have been shaped by values. Boys are absorbing values, and that’s when they are emasculated and ‘dethroned’ into gammas.
Ladies, you deal with the men in your life, and some of you have or will raise sons. They are already or will come out in one of three predominant mental shapes. They get that way from how they’re raised by their mothers and how mothers chose and treat their fathers.
NOTE: Nothing here implies, infers, or otherwise reflects on the subject of gayness. It’s irrelevant throughout what follows.
TRAIT, HABIT, BEHAVIOR |
ALPHA |
BETA |
GAMMA
|
| Adopts or duplicates female behaviors, values, or expectations | Not on your life if it’s even close to being obvious. | Not averse to it, if it serves him, and he doesn’t look femmy doing it. | Yes, he hopes to win female admiration. |
| Appears confident? | Always; very comfortable with whom he is. | Yes, when in familiar territory. | Not usually. |
| As a friend: | Many more claim him for friend than the reverse. | Quick to call acquaintances friends. | Acts like girlfriend. |
| As a giver/taker: | He expects to take more than he gives. | He’s willing to give. | He gives easily to win approval. |
| Attitude is: | One of stoutness, unbendable, & seemingly inflexible. | Cooperative | Submissiveness cloaked in pleasantness; overly cooperative, weak sister-like, pitiful to alphas. |
NOTE: More follows tomorrow and beyond.
This is great Mr. Guy. Thank you!
Sir Guy, Is there a difference between a gamma male and a queer one?
Your Delightfulness Lady Carmen,
Nothing in this blog should be interpreted as opening that subject. It’s for other people at other times and places. Women hear about it all the time, so I choose to bypass its potential to disrupt our threads.
Guy
Professor Guy, would you give us an example in literature or film of males that portray these 3 types; i.e. John Wayne as an example of an Alpha male and perhaps Jimmy Stewart or Hamlet as a Beta male but no male came to mind as the Gamma type that I know of or can think of. Do women have typifications such as these regarding our femininity? and finally am I out of detention yet?
Your Greatness Lady Carmen,
YOU? In detention?!!! Never! Detention is for those that don’t get it, not superstars that miss a point or two.
You pose an interesting question about a,b, and g for women. I am sufficiently challenged to try. It may take awhile, because the university comes next.
As to stereotyping actors, I’d rather not. In fact, I urge ladies to avoid doing it. As soon as they start identifying celebrities, they intuitively compare their man. It’s a bad practice and worse habit, because their man comes up short too easily relative to someone she admires but never meets.
Guy
Wow, sure am looking forward to this one!
This is a terrific tool. I’ve got myself a beta
He told me last night he thinks of me as “the one” and I made sure to just smile at him instead of saying it back. That post from a weeks back about when to call your man “the one”, and why he should be thought of as Mr. Good Enough instead of Mr. Right, well that post really resonated with me. I think this post made me think of that one because it seems like a lot of girls see alphas and are too quick to assume they are Mr. Rights.
I understand what you are saying about girls picking alphas but I disagree. The majority of men are betas. There are a lot of beta(from what I’ve observed) who take on alpha traits to seduce women and then once they are comfortably set in a relationship they become their normal beta selves again.
So I don’t think a lot of women necessarily are quick to make an alpha man “the one” rather than they are more (primarily) attracted to men who may display alpha traits.
I’ve always felt most comfortable with betas. But sadly its the Alphas who have pursued me the most.
Your Beauteousness Easybreezy,
I intend only to pique your curiosity: Are you comfortable that your comfort is a primary criterion for choosing a man?
Guy
What else would be we it on? I love being comfy with my man.
Dear Guy,
Does this mean that a Beta male will be more likely than a Alpha male to WUMTHS (wait until marriage to have sex) as waiting involves a man being “cooperative” with a woman’s standards and being “willing to give” for a long time without receiving what he wants quickly (ie. sex)? If an Alpha male’s attitude is “one of stoutness, unbendable, & seemingly inflexible” and “he expects to take more than he gives” would he hang around for a woman who was WUMTHS?
Your Stunningness Ladylike,
You might roam around in the Virtual Virginity series to learn what to expect with WUMTHS. In the meantime, you may consider the following.
Attitude is the wrong measure for your question. It’s an outward expression of his self-esteem, self-image, self-interest, aka emotional and spiritual makeup. You should look for what resides inside rather than what reflects outwardly like a vapor. For example, a man’s devotion to a woman seen through his actions better determine his willingness to accept WUMTHS.
Alphas pursue their devotions more assertively and intensely than betas. So, given that both are devoted to a woman (rather than sex), I’d expect alphas to more readily and easily accept WUMTHS.
Caution: I’ve compared them only on one factor, devotion to her. Other variables could make her life with him come out quite different. For example, he’s more devoted to his job than to her; once she’s conquered, he takes her for granted. Alphas are more likely to do that than betas.
Guy
Thanks, Guy… I’m trying to decided whether my boyfriend is an Alpha or a Beta male. He’s accepted my stance on WUMTHS. So I was wondering how it comes about that he accommodates me and my wishes so well, if he is an Alpha male (as I think he may be). But perhaps the very challenge of dating a woman who is WUMTHS spurs him on? Interesting. My boyfriend is pretty purposeful and driven in his career, and can easily take charge of a situation, but he is really devoted to me and considers all my wishes and does a lot for me as well. So he seems like a mix of Alpha and Beta. Unless he’s an Alpha who has become more considerate, devoted and attentive due to the fact that he’s put in a lot of effort in courting me without sex? We’re heading towards marriage, and I’ve noticed that he’s become far more the man of my dreams the longer the courtship has gone on. I’d really advocate a long courtship without sex. It does tame a man… just hoping that he won’t start taking me for granted after marriage, as you mentioned men tend to do. Hmmm.
Your Exceptionalness Ladylike,
You say, “…he is really devoted to me….” I suggest you forget all about alpha and beta. Cheap labels may distract you after you’ve struck gold. Let your girlfriends guess and try to figure out you and him.
Guy
True!
I’ll stop analysing him, and just be thankful he’s so devoted! Thanks.
Hi Guy-
Feeling comfortable with a man’s personality type is really important and I’ve found that I just don’t feel right around Alphas. Every single Alpha I’ve dated I’ve felt nervous around and I wasn’t completely at ease. But with the Betas (and to some extent gammas), I felt fine. However, there are things that also have to line up (like similar values, faith, etc).
Sir Guy, this is phenomenal. I deeply recognize the value and have the desire to help my sons become honorable alphas. The tightrope walk in this for me and maybe many other mothers in today’s world is: if the father was a gamma male in many respects (in my case he was a foreigner who used deception to gain my consent, and after a fairly brief courtship and without parental guidance I was basically duped into marriage) and had considerable influence over his sons, is there a means for the mother to still form her sons into alphas? Or maybe put a better way, how can a mother, even a single mother, best help her sons become alpha males?
Your Prettiness AwaitingMrGoodEnough,
Good questions but it depends on the ages of your sons. Perhaps not to alpha but more attractive for marriage than gamma. Can you disclose their ages? It may take awhile, but I’ll try.
Guy
I could never trust the delicate and sensitive heart of mine to an Alpha male.
To me Alpha males only appeal to my female base desires- But it has nothing to do with a long-term relationship with someone I love.
I now see why a lot of great women get thier hearts broken. It really is true that nice guys finish last, because women make them last.
I love being able to do things with my nerd-type guy. He is courteous, sweet, generous, kind, passionate, and treats me like a queen. And of course I respect him and treat him very well *wink.* I personally NEVER could have this kind of a relationship with an Alpha.
Its another case of Fat Girl and Geek fall in love!
Plus, I realize now that WWNH is for women who want Never Hear From Alphas.
Most of the advice found in this blog don’t apply to my relationship. So for all the ladies that get angry at what Mr Guy says, just remember- You might now have to conform to it if you:
1. Be honest with yourself about what you NEED vs. what you WANT in a partner.
2. Be willing to make SACRIFICES
3. Understand that that many of the traits we want in a male partner are so binary, so polarized that it is virtually impossible to find. The ex-marine who likes poetry. The John Wayne whos good with a gun and looooves to cuddle for hours.
Get your heads out of the Harlequins b*****s! I hapen to value intimacy more than I do the need to feel physically protected. I value financial security more than I value a muscled chest, huge biceps and six pack. Im not saying that a man with a hot bod can’t have money- Of course there are men like that – but guess what? None of them are interested in a 200-something pound black girl.
So in addition to taking an inventory of what it is we want in a partner, the flip side is being realistic about your Sexual Market Value and finding a balance between who YOU WANT and WHO WANTS YOU.
I truly appreciate this website and your comment except for the “get your heads out of the harlequins, b*****.” If this site is promoting lady like behavior, it should be demonstrated in posts as well.
I’m just wondering if hot bods are the exclusive province of alpha males
Fousn this somewhere:
“The ideal is the Gamma Male. Not often talked about, but they are out there. Usually a Gamma is an Alpha Male that “grew up” and toned down the antics slightly and started being socially conscious and more of a team player. Or they started as a Beta Male that “grew a pair” and started bumping back on the rest of the world rather than just taking it lying down. Either way works as a route. Like Jean-Luc Picard, Gammas use diplomacy but when required to they will respond with adept force. Mostly they are consciously aware of both their own natures, and the needs of women. They adjust on the fly to the situation, sometimes hard, sometimes soft. Gamma’s are the true ideal, but I think the Alpha and Beta terms are so ingrained, that it is simply easier to broken record the idea that if you’re too Alpha the solution is to add Beta, and if you’re too Beta the solution is to add Alpha. You already know what your weak area is. Work on that for easy gains.”
I find it interesting that many of you like/prefer/are more comfortable around betas or gammas.
I’m quite the opposite. With my father, both grandfathers and a brother all alpha, that’s what I’m comfortable with and I’m not attracted to anything else. These guys aren’t the brash, loud, body builder type. They’re quietly confident, living up to no one’s expectations but their own. They take ownership of their lives so you won’t be hearing them complain.
I myself have plenty of sand/grit/backbone and I sure hate it when I’m tougher than the men around me. Not masculine tough btw… I was raised in a “you’re bleeding, so what, suck it up” sort of home and was trained to not complain and get my work done no matter how bad it hurt.
I guess I expect the men around me to be tougher than me and confident, living only to themselves and God. And I expect to take care of them in their own ways. When my dad starts playing piano, I know he wants me to come sing. And I do millions of things for my brother.
One thing that wasn’t mention yet — alphas sure do love to spoil their girls!
i agree with you fully Jesicca!
i absolutely adore alphas (with a little beta sprinkled in to soften the edges). i thrive on the excitement. thanks to Sir Guy’s wisdom, i can now easily outwit the alphas with a lot of feminine mystique and indirectness and keep them interested.
lots of love,
I agree as well. I understand the comfort factor of betas, but I see that I much more easily respect Alphas. I also agree that the ability to get what you want from an alpha is what much of this blog helps with. I din’t like how pop-psychology that sounds, but I see what Lady Nemesis named a negative to be a positive. Women get their hearts trampled by certain types of men because we don’t know how to handle ourselves and garner the respect that we deserve and that is necessary to be treated well. WWNH helps with that. Some women say “well, I’d rather play with puppies than to tame lions.” So be it. However, I find the advice here to be about more than “how to catch a man,” but also about becoming the women we were meant to be. Thinking about the alpha male challenges me to be the best woman that I can be. I hope that women are not rejecting the idea of the alpha male because we don’t want to be challenged ourselves.
In my view, Mrxspeaks, below sums up the situation nicely. The main point is, are we dealing with adolescent or adult males, though there may be some argument that gammas are definable by the adolescent tag. All this being based on the context – that grown men who are true to their masculine natures are confidently building their lives. Personally I’m pretty adverse (find it impossible to feel any level of attraction) to the gamma as described in this post. As the current lingo goes I wish they would just man the eff up (ofcourse when dealing with one of these fellows it’s best to subtley encourage them towards more true manliness in such a way that their fragile sense of significance is not further damaged).
Buckaroogirl Jessica, I totally relate with your description. My dad, uncles, grandfathers and brother are/were all Irish alphas – the kind that built big businesses from the ground up and helped tame the west with huge horse and cattle farms. The women that accompanied them were just as tough for the most part; they had to be. As kids we were told things like “never give in,” “toughin’ up,” “do your part,” “make the most of what you’ve got,” “set your sights high.” We never expected anyone, especially the government, to do things for us. Although they demanded complete respect from their women, they still opened doors for us and thoroughly enjoyed it when the females got “all dolled up.” And they always let us know they loved us, especially by teasing us.
So true. Especially the teasing. My brothers absolutely plagued me. But I wouldn’t have them any other way. One day my mom called me to come to her and I was on my way when one of my brothers grabs me and starts spinning me around the house, all the while demanding to know why I’m not listening to my mom.
Sir Guy, my sons range in age from thirteen to nineteen.
Your Delightfulness AwaitingMrGoodEnough,
Your sons are too old for much effect nurturing and leading, so focus on coaching. Posts 346 and those titled “Mothering Sons” may help. Also, the series “Weens, tweens, and teens.” In the meantime, here are a few principles about coaching:
• Like everyone else, kids learn to continue whatever they are successful at.
• Declare as admirable all alpha- and beta-type behaviors you see in their company. Ignore undesirable behaviors that don’t require correction or punishment, unless it’s someone else’s kids. Act slightly as if you disapprove, but don’t verbalize it; don’t complain, don’t explain. Let question dwell in their minds.
• Praise every little detail of behavior—theirs or someone else’s—that signifies admirable behavior. Don’t mention why, just that you admire it. Leave out any mention of alpha/beta in particular.
• Hold up older boys’ admirable behavior for younger sons to hopefully copy, but don’t apply pressure, just admire verbally.
• Learn to spot examples of personal responsibility and praise/admire it regardless of who does it.
• At every opportunity to bring up the subject, highlight admirable differences between the sexes. Claim no special treatment for females, but let it be known they deserve it just for being special creatures of God.
• Remember this coaching edict: ‘I can’t make you do anything, but I can make you wish you had’. But, being the mother, smile big and with a warm heart when saying it. Frequent reinforcement helps. The object is to make them want to please you just for being mom and representative of females.
Anyway, there’s a few tips. Hope they help.
Guy
Sir Guy, I made a mistake when I asked for tips in my first comment above (meant to ask for help in my sons becoming alpha and not gamma males). Will you please fix it for me so it reads correctly? [DONE]
These coaching tips are wonderful. Thank you for making them so understandable. It is easy to lose sight of important long-term goals when you are overwhelmed. I will praise my men-in-the-making much more abundantly now.
Guy, my middle son is an alpha, no question, called that when he was a toddler. My oldest, I see a mix, he certainly does’nt care about other people’s opinions, it’s my younger guy who has me worried. He’s eleven and is very shy and quiet, his brothers comment on this and say things like, he needs to “boss” it up and “step up his game” and yet, my middle one especially, gives him a hard time, in a teasing way but sometimes a little too much. I let them know(hope it was right) that he needs their encouragement and support and could they please say some encouraging things to him instead of teasing. I’m always try to help him too, but I fear I’ve gone too far because one time he said I just made him feel worse. This is compounded by the fact that his older brothers were accomplished in sports, always were the starters and he can’t even make the B teams, so I feel horrible(not that sports is the only thing,you know what I mean though) What can I do to help and was it wrong of me to try to elist his brothers help?
Your Ten-ness Theresa,
Mrs. Guy responds: Raising three boys I found this book of immense benefit including helping me deal with Guy: “The Birth Order Book” by Kevin Leman.
My thinking goes like this: Paying attention to someone’s shyness pushes them toward withdrawal. To the shy person, withdrawal has rewards. Shy and quiet is usually acceptable to everyone unless attention called to it shows unearned favor (as others witness and come to resent what they consider disfavor to them).
If you’re treating him vastly different than the other boys when they were his age, you may be overdoing it. Don’t try to force brothers to look up to the younger’s merits. When you do you take sides and olders will take it out on youngest. Unless he’s still a toddler, get farther away from nurturing, think coaching.
Guy
Thank you Guy, they have told me I’m easier on him although I don’t see it. This helps alot.
I hate the Game.
A woman’s value is her looks
A man’s value is how conceited he is.
I’m out of it.
Little John, Sir,
The simple minded always hate the Game.
Guy
Little John,
You realize the Irony of that statement is that you play the game everyday. How do you want to play it?
Nice blog, good to see women talking about this.
Please remember that Alpha’s can be “bad boys” and bad people. There are a lot of Alpha’s in prison.
Most guys are Beta’s. This is not a bad thing, and is in fact part of what holds civilizations together. Beta’s are actually the strivers and creators. The Alpha’s just want to be the king of the hill, Beta’s and women actually build the hill.
Gamma’s…….For one reason or another, they are stuck on the sidelines of life. Not all of them spent their whole life in this condition, some have just had too many issues pop up or made too many mistakes. Some are highly talented or wealthy but they are still unhappy.
Here is the biggest problem with Gamma’s…..they don’t know they are one. They are clueless about themselves and deluded about women. They may understand male/male competition but they mostly ignore it and think that they can “just be themselves” and their princess will show up. These guys believed all the stuff that mommy told them about how to behave and what women want ( all politically correct baloney) and didn’t get a strong male influence anywhere. They are may or may not be hampered by poor physical or mental attributes, but all of them have experienced depression.
So, mom’s…..if you think your boy is becoming a Gamma, be concerned, but realize the causes and cures. Some of it is natural, he may be a touch nerdy/artistic/moody etc. and you just have to accept it. However he needs male/male competition(in a positive controlled fashion), positive male coaching, and male friends his own age or older.
Your Highness Mrxspeaks,
Welcome aboard. Glad to have you with us. Good contribution too.
Guy
Is there an equivalent matrix for women? or is it just feminine v non feminine?
Your Highness Ellie D,
You’re new to the blog so consider this. I judge Feminism strictly on its impact in the social and domestic arenas. I find no fault with legal, political, and economic progress of females.
I have not generated the matrix you ask about. Were I to do so, it would include the following in order of their greatest promise, perhaps some promise, and least promise for a man’s long-range future: Feminine, Female, and Feminist with Female being some mixture in between Feminine and Feminist. The classifications are built on these principles:
1) Women seek to have the companionship of a man later in life. Consequently, they capture, tame, and learn to keep them much earlier in their lives.
2) Men tame easier and finally marry based on the promise they see in a woman and not the promises she makes.
3) The desire of a wife to dominate her husband poisons whatever promise he sees in her. The classifications show the reverse on the dominance scale, i.e., feminine dominates least and feminist the most.
I’m pretty sure women can fill in the matrix in their own minds far better than I can illustrate it on the blog.
Guy
Justin Bieber is the perfect example of a gamma.
Your Highness Sharon,
Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
I neither know nor care to know who he is but I deleted the name you called him. No room for that here. I prefer you visit with your respect switch turned on rather than demonstrating your MTV fundamentalism and how well you can speak in man-talk.
Guy
As a man I see this way of stereotyping very pitiful.
I would never date girl who see’s world in just three colors.
I don’t fit in that table.
Sir Wazy,
Welcome aboard. Its a great day when another man joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
Of course, you’re right about not fitting. No one sees themselves fitting any stereotype. The primal urge to be different prevents it. However, others can see you as fitting right in, because they deal with a much less precise picture of you and your self-image. They don’t have access to all your hidden agendas and self-opinions when they make decisions or opinions about you. They judge with a far flimsier data base than you have. You can say they shouldn’t judge, but that’s an unrealistic wish too.
Guy
That’s the Omega Male, not the Gamma Male. The Omega is the bottom of the pack. The Gammas are the rogues, those males who reject the pack system entirely in favor of self-reliance.
Your Highness Person,
Perhaps you’re right elsewhere. On this blog Omega Male is the one who withdraws out of anxiety and fear and calls it self-reliance. Last in alphabet and last in the hearts of women.
Guy