The previous Male Matrix series focused on men looking at their masculine competitors. Here we look at men looking at women for one thing: suitability for marriage. Nothing as discrete as qualifications—too much variance in individual male tastes—but overall suitability based on just two parameters.
Feminism and Femininity are used for simple reasons: Feminism is basically anti-male, which turns off men. Femininity is basically pro-female, which attracts men. I assume every woman to be a mixture of the two, and men strongly prefer the latter and the more latter the better.
I use the dark side of Feminism that impacts social, domestic, and family relationships. I exclude the economic, political, and legal gains that women have made. Femininity is the natural expression of true femaleness, and it registers as opposite and contrary to Feminism.
Broad suitability for marriage enables men to figure out, evaluate, and accept or reject what doesn’t fit their requirements and expectations. It’s a piece of cake to rule out a woman for marriage; it’s quite a task to rule her suitable for a test run.
Each woman’s behavior pattern and belief system are part Feminism and part Femininity. Her ratio shows in the chart below. She can select the vertical column that best describes her and guesstimate her relative standing as viewed by the male community.
| AS PERCEIVED BY MEN–> | UNSUITABLE AS WIFE FOR REAL MAN | SUITABLE AS WIFE FOR REAL MAN | IDEALLY SUITED AS WIFE FOR REAL MAN |
| Her Feminism beliefs and behaviors | 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 |
| Her Femininity beliefs and behaviors | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| Select the over and under combination above that best identifies her ratio of Feminism to Femininity. The two numbers must equal the sum shown on this line. | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 |
| As perceived by men: A=alpha, B=beta, G=Gamma | A | A | A | B | B | B | B | B | G | G | G |
|
As perceived by women–> |
Why unsuitable? She has a right to be herself. Men are to blame for social and domestic ills. | WYSIWYG, what you see is what you get. Men are biased against independence in a woman except for the money she brings home. | Not everyone wants to pay the feminine price to win a man. Why aren’t men more assertive at pursuing these women? |
The foregoing describes initial perceptions of men about the marital suitability of women. What really counts in the end when dealing with men—details about the meanings, importance, and consequences of Feminism and Femininity—are scattered elsewhere in the blog.
NOTE: The vertical lines that don’t quite align with the nearest ones reflect inability rather than intent.
oh my word! i can’t believe i’m a gamma? i hope that is good. if not, this is the best place to learn how to improve. isn’t it?
This chart is confusing >_< I don't know how to read it. (And I'm pretty sure that you didn't mean that an alpha likes a 10 in feminism.
)
Your Greatness Simplicity Evermore,
Let me know if Her Highness Anonymous’ explanation doesn’t clear it up for you. (Each column from top to bottom stands alone.)
Guy
I think that he means by the A, B, and G that men perceive HER as Alpha, Beta, and Gamma respectively. Hence, an “alpha” female would be a 10 in feminism. The top column shows what men want (a zero in feminism corresponds to “ideally suited for wife”).
Ah! Thank you so much! That clears up everything. And makes sense, since an Alpha man would want a Gamma wife.
Thank you!
Sir Guy, I have a question:
Does a man have to earn the privelege of assisting a lady? or is this something we can just ask them to do?
Because I think asking for assitance might make us look dependant and needy. And maybe they ought to come to the conclusion that we need help. But at the same time, we need help.
(E.g. Getting doors when our arms are too full. Fixing broken things, Homework help and so on)
Thanks!
~Sim Sim
Your Exquisiteness Sim Sim,
Allow me to enlarge your inquiry:
Why aren’t men more mannerly, polite, and courteous? Men learned from feminists several decades ago that deference to women is a no-no. The latest generations of women have never reversed that dark side of Feminism. They haven’t restored cultural values from which men learn to be polite, courteous, and deferential in matters that please women and elevate the male gender in female eyes. Feminists tore men down for being deferential; non-feminists have never corrected it.
What men see as duty, they do without expecting that gratitude be shown. IOW, doing their duty is their thanks to themselves. Consequently, to please women, men must be taught that manners, politeness, and courtesy are simple duties done out of self-respect to show respect for females. Of course it has to start in childhood to become standardized and common across generations.
Individual women, however, can ‘spread the word’. What men make habitual to please a woman, whether as result of request or silent expectation, they soon accept as routine duty. IOW, once he learns to open the car door for you, you can quit thanking him each time. If he accepts it as duty, words of gratitude are unnecessary; show gratitude for who he is in your life instead of what he does dutifully. For example, your man or a stranger holds open a door for you. Don’t just say thank you. Say with a big smile, “I love to see gentlemen in action. Thanks.” (Do the opposite of what feminists did decades ago when they would respond with a scowl and say, “I don’t need your damn help” or words to that effect.)
If women don’t approve expressively, they can’t expect men to pick up on typical female hints. But indirectness works best to convey requests and courtesies. For example: Pause for him to open the door. Cite courteous behavior you see other men demonstrate. Praise him for unsolicited courtesies.
In such ways show attention for special favors until they become habitual. It takes time and female patience. Once habitual, however, his sense of duty prevails.
Guy
So in other words, the more feminine we are and the less we buy into feminism and act like feminists the more ideal we are?
Your Majestic Highness Jessica,
Yes to alpha and beta men for marriage. They want to provide and protect, not be nurtured, mothered, or guided in daily endeavors. No doubt some gamma men prefer alpha females.
Guy
Sir Guy, in your opinion do Gamma Males occur naturally (that is their nature), or are they socialized into being Gamma? I’m not even sure I’ve ever known a true Gamma Male. I think I’ve seen some as TV or movie characters, but not in real life.
Your Highness Girl,
Both plus more. Nature lays the egg, boyhood hatches it, and society confirms it.
Guy
I shall be practicing! Thank you.
Guy, according to you’re chart, I’m a wamma,jamma,gamma and happy to be so. But. here’s a thought (as if you don’t have enough on you’re plate) How about a blog for men? I know, I said something about me doing that myself, but they would listen to you more, plus, we could all chime in. This is neede just as much. Let me know what you think and how I can help.
Your Exceptionalness Theresa,
I love it when pretty women intrigue me. I waver on your suggestion, however.
Let me propose a working title—“Men Don’t Know jack about Jill”—and you walk me through these dilemmas:
• Men think Jill doesn’t know jack about Jack. Cheap and easy sex compensates men and keeps Jack from caring much about what Jill doesn’t know.
• Women have blamed men for decades and things got worse. How can the guilt laid by women but never accepted by men be reversed? How can the blight of undeserved blame be lifted from the male ego?
• What exactly do men need to know on the universal scale that they will pay attention to if individual women aren’t out on the front line putting it into action? Women must change first, don’t you think?
• Men do whatever they have to do to have frequent and convenient access to sex. How does a male blog convince them otherwise and divert them to something with less sex?
My conviction remains. The best way to change men is to get women to upgrade their values, standards, and expectations that ‘force’ men to upgrade themselves and pay a higher price for frequent and convenient access to sex. Consequently, more female traffic visiting WhatWomenNeverHear seems the most ‘profitable’ way to upgrade mutual respect, change social and domestic behaviors, and improve the female-friendliness of men. Provided, of course, the appreciation of regular readers matches the interests of many more females.
Guy
Guy is right. First, men don’t read blogs the way women do. Second, “women are the relationship experts” (quote from Sir Guy). Third, no one says it better than de Toqueville: After visiting the United States of America in 1831, in writing about the political and social systems in place here, Alexis de Tocqueville said, “I do not question that the great austerity of manners that is observable in the United States arises, in the first instance, from religious faith… .its influence over the mind of woman is supreme, and women are the protectors of morals. There is certainly no country in the world where the tie of marriage is more respected than in America or where conjugal happiness is more highly or worthily appreciated.” He also wrote, “As for myself, I do not hesitate to avow that although the women of the United States are confined within the narrow circle of domestic life, and their situation is in some respects one of extreme dependence, I have nowhere seen woman occupying a loftier position; and if I were asked, now that I am drawing to the close of this work, in which I have spoken of so many important things done by the Americans, to what the singular prosperity and growing strength of that people ought mainly to be attributed, I should reply: To the superiority of their women.”
Your Supremeness Sharon,
Thank you for bringing up Alexis de Tocqueville. He describes old school that still existed when I was a child. Modern women could be well served studying his description of our society and culture in his book “Democracy in America.” It’s cultural history that even universities don’t teach. Also, our political legacy would not be deteriorating so rapidly if the America he describes were alive today.
Here’s one of my favorite Tocqueville passages: “No free communities ever existed without morals; and…morals are the work of woman.”
Guy
Ok, Guy, Ok, you’re right, women have to lead.
Your Gorgeousness Theresa,
A better analogy just dawned on me. Women provide the canvas on which men paint the the mural of society. Women do their share by establishing and enforcing female- and family-friendly values, standards, and expectations (aka indirectness) that become the cultural guidance that men follow operating in society. (Remember, society is what we do, culture is why we do it.)
Guy
I may be wrong on this, but, when women act more pushy, men start to act wimpy. When women start not being afraid’ of being feminine, not ‘motherly’ towards their men, etc., men will start acting like men again, not ‘wimps’ that need to be taken care of by ‘mommy’. You’re right, the key to this is for women to stop being so cheap (ladies, just because you have an MBA, doesn’t mean youre a guy) and don’t think that you can get wild with the guys and then have them love you. My dad said it best when he was alive: God gave a man a strong sex drive so he can work, If a man starts to use it Befor he learns how to make a living, he’s finished as a man. God gave a woman her kind of sex drive so she can save, for marriage, children, etc. Teenagers need to know that so they wont be ruined or lose precious years. Guys who are virgins use their drive in working but when there is no work for teenage boys, its scary
Your Gorgeousness Boomer Babe,
I like you dad’s wisdom. He expressed it well too.
Guy
Guy, this is personal, but how old are you? To know about those things like de Touqueville, etc.
Your Superlativeness Boomer Babe,
I joined the seniors years ago, and thanks for asking.
Guy
If I may add another personal question, are you married Guy, and is this your body work out of a collective lifetime experience of sorting through almost every other type of women?
Your Highness Catnip,
Welcome aboard. Always glad to have another pretty woman join us on this cruise.
My bio is at the AUTHOR page at blog top.
Guy
It’s a shame:::we let the Hugh Hefner types in. I believe we wouldn’t have had Gloria Steinem type feminists if we didn’t play with the Hefner types.
I’m thankful for blog teaching that helps melt the remains of my inability.
Your Highness Catherine,
Thanks for the cute metaphor. Clever and neat.
Guy