Her Highness Anonymous inquired if an actual virgin should keep it a secret? Many reasons exist to do so, and the advantages accrue to her without cost to him:
- If she brags about her virgin state, she appears desperate. If she discloses it as part of silly belief in full disclosure, he has nothing comparable, and so she loses at the ‘negotiating table’. Providing him the knowledge gives him much more than he can give her. (His sexual history never balances her disclosure, and she doesn’t want to hear it anyway.)
- If ex-boyfriends don’t know for sure and can only speculate to other guys about her pristine-ness, her reputation builds more easily into exciting allure than ‘gotta have it’, gotta have it’, gotta have it’ just because she’s virginal.
- By strongly declaring her sexual status off limits, she has an easier time defending her values, maintaining her standards, and upholding her expectations about how men should behave when with or around her.
- Mystery about her status generates an aura around her of respectable authority (free will, hard-headedness, and willingness to use it).
- Sexual history being the kingpin element in feminine mystique, actual virginity wears the crown. But knowledge destroys mystery, which destroys curiosity, which destroys interest in the crown, which makes her less valuable.
- Claiming virginity challenges a man even more to conquer her. Banging a virgin earns huge masculine bragging rights and status. Instead, she wants him bragging about her beauty, charm, and female worth.
- If he tells his buds about her virgin state, they’ll gang up on him to beat his time, to get there firstest with the mostest. It might make her more popular as they pursue her virgin attractiveness, but it’s not likely to be sincere or lasting.
- Many men, especially the adolescent-minded, think along these lines: If he can’t conquer a woman, it’s one thing. If he can’t conquer a virgin, it’s a different matter, ‘a downright embarrassment’. He has to keep trying; he can’t quit early. His competitive spirit envisions her as his Mt. Everest, and he’s a fool to quit before reaching the top.
- If he knows she’s virgin, he spends less time thinking about her except for why? How could she have avoided it this long? Religious nut? Fearful of sex or what? Sick in the head? Wrongheaded? Malformed? Unfashionable, won’t go along to get along? Had no girlfriends that put out as role models? Boyfriends dumped her for that reason? Or did word spread about her that he missed?
- Knowledge cures mystery, which kills curiosity, which reduces interest in what makes her tick, tock, and chime, which makes him think more of conquest than the rest of her valuable self.
- She will be judged, if he knows she’s virgin; making him wonder delays his judging until a time made better by a longer relationship.
- If he wonders about her sexual past, his thoughts remain with her. If she makes her virgin state as mysterious as the rest of her sexual history, he has little recourse but to focus and accept her as she is without regard to sex.
- If he can only wonder before the altar and marvel about prospects for his wedding night, the male mind more easily adjusts his interests to include a woman’s hopes and dreams. Whether suspicions are confirmed or he’s surprised that night, his sense of significance and her value to him jump off the scale.
- Avoid at all cost having a girlfriend ‘sell’ her virginity to win a boyfriend or prospect. Such good intentions backfire; he gains advantage and she loses mystery. (He’ll also return to the informant for more info when he’s after something else, and that could bring them together.)
Her greatest threat may be close to home. Make sure siblings or girlfriends don’t disclose her virgin status, and she’s better off if they don’t even know it. As with men, it’s none of their business, if she hopes to have maximum independence and play life’s hand of cards without—perhaps but not always well-intentioned—interference.
I venture that Part II, post 936, will both surprise and even shock some women. What to do when he won’t stop inquiring about her sexual history and especially virgin status. It’s due out tomorrow morning.