This series will not be easy to make clear. So, pardon me if I oversimplify or repeat what’s gone before. This sums everything up: Men claim actions speak louder than words. Women may agree but they function oppositely. And a major stumbling block has to do with gratitude and expressing it or not.
To explore differences, we need a new acronym: GART. It stands for gifts, affection, rewards, and thanks and anything else that conveys one’s gratefulness. GART means far more to females than males, and so this series focuses on women expressing gratitude to men.
The soft-hearted side of female nature works diligently to reliably express gratefulness with GART. Women consider GART critical to relationship management.
The hard-hearted side of the male nature tends to overlook GART. It’s a major reason men don’t do relationship management; their nature doesn’t emphasize the basic requirements.
Women treat differently each of the GART expressions of female gratitude. They select what’s appropriate for each situation.
Men receive GART elements as alike, and they impact men differently than women expect. Not that a ‘thank you’ means the same as a reward or affection, but that all GART passes through the same masculine filters. This means that women don’t get the mileage they expect, when they try to express their gratefulness to a man as women express it to each other.
GART II provides details about the masculine filters. It’s next at #965.
Wonderful…especially “That harmony is best that lets uproars rest”.
Lots of patience needed here…5 years!
Could you shed some light on writing thank you notes to men? I have a mentor who’s gone out of his way to help me a bunch but he’s much older than me so it’d be weird to take him to dinner or anything like that. And I’m not sure a simple ” thank you for doing this” will really make him feel appreciated; he might think I’m doing it out of obligation. As a female, I enjoy helping people just for the sake of helping them and a simple “thank you” is fine. Is this the same for men?
Your Generousness Anonymous,
The answer is simple: Don’t worry about how he sees it as obligation or whatever. Rise above that. Tell him what you know for sure—YOU!
The best you can do is write a letter—preferably hand written—expressing your heart about what you learned and gained from him. No need to do more than thank him for making you a better person or whatever he did for you.
You’ll find it hard to make a man more significant than by privately showing him what influence he’s had on the lives of others.
Guy
Will do. Thank you!