- A woman makes no personal investment of time and effort to create attractiveness. Instead she crumples herself with unwashed old sweatshirt or tee, bulging or formless pants, no color in face or clothes, hair hanging as curtains or still messed up from sleep. She expects to be judged solely on her date preparation, special event attire, or husband’s indulgence.
- A woman expects that providing sex will bond a man as it does her. But her appearance has greater bonding effect. Sex is pretty much the same with any woman. Admittedly, a man’s ego satisfaction may soar from conquering trophies or virgins, but women essentially put out what all others provide.
- Only non-sexual attributes make women different than other females. Women today dress, act, appear almost clone-like, and duplicate their round-heel female sisters. But they expect men to treat them as unique.
- Men do whatever women require in order to have frequent and convenient access to sex. If men don’t correct their shortcomings, it’s because women never define, describe, and expect those shortcomings to be fixed before they provide sex.
- Men like to spring unexpected compliments on women. The female nature enjoys the practice, likes the compliments, and knows how to handle unwelcome hits. However, feminists and advocates ended the practice by squelching the unsolicited attentions, compliments, and favors of men. Women now go without frequent feedback to confirm their sense of prettiness and importance.
1161. Female Blunders
Filed under Fickle female
Hello Sir Guy
I really love your blog and learning so much from it.
I have a question that I am burning to ask on behalf of me and my friends concerning female blunders.
We are all Christian girls, and its a foregone conclusion that no one is getting us into bed before marriage, no mistake about that! And we don’t discourage the unexpected compliments guys like to spring on us. But we’re learning more and more that these compliments have carnal intentions behind them and that they’re just “sweet talking” us. I’ve been told from some honest guy friends that when they want something bad enough they’ll tell the girls anything they want to get it.
Even though we make it apparent we’re not those sort of girls, it seems that just kissing us is another form of conquering. I went till 18 with never being kissed. The guy that kissed me decided the next day he wasn’t interested anymore, but the night before he told me I’m beautiful and he wouldn’t use me et cetera. The next time I saw him with his friends he mentioned in front of everyone how he’s only ever kissed older girls and he guesses he’s just lucky (I was a few months older than him.) I did tell him though that he’s the first, so I know now that disclosing that probably wasn’t the best idea.
My best friend also had a thing on with a guy from Canada and he sent her messages telling her he loves her and how he sees himself spending the rest of his life with her and serious stuff. When he came to visit he winded up kissing her and decided after that he just wanted to be friends and moved on to someone else.
I know its just a kiss, but it still really hurts. So I ask how do you know whether or not to take these compliments seriously? Because they really come across soooo sincere. And when is the right time to let them kiss us?
Your Highness Cassy,
Welcome aboard. It’s always a great day when pretty women sign up for this cruise.
I need time to respond and it may take until tomorrow. In the meantime I imagine several ladies may chime in with comment or sound advice.
Guy
Cassy,
i agree with your statement that with Christian guys, even kissing is a form of conquering coz sex was never on the table to start with. so my rule is, no kissing until he asks me to marry him. i could comfortably handle being affectionate at engagement stage coz the guys at our church know that there are serious repercussions for dumping a girl without a sound reason after they’ve ask her to marry them.
Cool, yeah i like that idea. Thing is sometimes I start to wonder do guys that are prepared to wait that long actually exist? Especially concerning my generation. They’re so used to getting what they want when they want it. Even the christian boys my friends and i have meet through churches and youth groups. Since my first kiss, others have come along and tried their luck and failed. I’ve come to the conclusion that I must just forget about hoping to find anything of value with college boys, christian or not.
Your Classiness Cassy,
Your comments inspired a multi-day series. It starts today titled 1163-Boot Camp for Girls.
Guy
Dearest Cassy
Thank you for being brave and sharing your thoughts on this matter! It is something that you and I have been pondering quite some time!
Kissing a guy – or responding to his kiss has an effect on the entire relationship. Sharing a kiss on your wedding day for the first time is a gorgeous idea!
I’d like to know a guy three years or more before I marry him. (“,) I want to know him in al circumstances; see all his reactions before I make a life altering decision to marry! During that time I’d like him to pursue me – I’d love to respond to his “Godly gentlemaness” in an appropriate loving way! Question: is it practical to court without kissing for three years?
The guy’s reaction will depend from guy to guy – but… is it fair for me to put up that boundary?
The guy from Canada sure chipped off a few pieces from my heart. I’m constantly taking the chips to God! I can happily say that He and my friends (such as Cassy) have been a great blessing. I have been able to deal with this distressing and disappointing situation with assurance that “better things are yet to come”! My disappointments are ultimately God’s appointments.
Your Highness Cristelina,
I suggest you review your ability and willingness to give and take. I see you moving toward a very lonely life.
Guy
Sir Guy says ladies believe what they hear. Way too true. As women we have to sit down and think about it, and chew on it, and decide just how much they really meant what they said. Because if we just accept it, we’ll get taken. The female nature is pretty gullible.
So test it. He thinks your beautiful? Great! You are. Now let him prove it. Does he treat you like your beautiful? Does he get the door, and hold your chair? Does he show respect to you because he understands the value of yor beauty? Like not flirting, or going out of his way to tell your beautiful even when your not looking your best. Find a measure to test his words against, and then hold him to it.
For a long time.
If he’s consistent, then there’s a good chance he means it. A good life saver: Sir Guy says, Men’s actions determine how they really feel. So if his actions aren’t matching his words, believe his actions. Pretend the words are frosting on the cake of ‘doing’.
Also remember: Sir Guy says if words are all he has to invest, that’s all he will. I think your man would have valued the kiss more, if he he’d had to invest more then a few words to get it.
As for when to kiss a man, my advice would be not till the wedding. I’m the kinda girl who feels that her first kiss is what gives her heart away. Also, I feel that it’s our first kiss which seals the covenant in heaven. But that’s just me.
There is a really great article on this at Fortifying the Family by Mr. Hurd. And if Sir Guy doesn’t mind, I’d like to share it with you. A Kiss is Just a Kiss?
“A Kiss is Just A Kiss?” is very fine. Mr. Hurd is articulate in the presentation of scriptural principles. The guidelines for the married or unmarried are solid. Thank you for sharing the link!
Oooh, great comments all around!
thanx for sharing ^_^ all these comments are really useful!
Also I think I’ve made a boo boo. >_< So… I um, I forgot that I have to treat my dad differently than the average guy. And I was enforcing my standards with him the same way I was with them. But I apologized. I said I was a drama queen and that I had treated him badly, and that I appreciated his patience with me, and I would do better. And I'm not sure how to recover. I know that if I want him to improve, than I'm supposed to treat him as if he has already. Trouble is, that he grew up with women who were only nice when they wanted something. And I'm not sure how to recover. And I don't know what to do. T_T But I think I may have challenged his significance, or hurt him pretty bad.T_T
Your Sparkliness Simplicity Evermore,
May I suggest you grab the bull by the horns. Go to post 1160. Tailor-make the process to fit your situation as close as possible and recover from whatever mistake you made. I can’t imagine your mistake, but even if it’s taking him for granted for ten years, you can reduce it to a single albeit gigantic mistake. The size doesn’t matter. Sincerity does. But you know all that.
Guy
Bless you. Thank you. Everything will be back to normal again very soon! XD
Without going into too much detail, I will just say that is it is up to the individual as to whether to kiss or not, but it is too extreme if it is being said that it is inappropriate before marriage. One of the biggest issues is being so extreme that it is almost impossible to realistically date a guy at all, then people end up totally falling off the wagon in ways they should not when they then get desperate.
I agree and disagree with this one.
I would have to agree with the last bullet stating that men no longer randomly compliment females in fear of a vicious lasting out. I myself rarely give out comments to females for the same reason. I can appreciate from afar but It doesn’t go any further than that.
I disagree that all men will do whatever a female wants for convenient access to sex. Some men have a bit more class than that of a slobbering monkey looking to mount a female. I would go as far to say that the least attractive aspect of a woman is her thinking that this is true. Using sex as a position of power no longer functions the way it used to with such easy access to it. Bi-sexual men seem to be on the rise so, I seen my share of down low men with women they consider cold looking for ‘comfort’ in the arms of their brothers. Sex is losing its respect and muster and can only be used as a bargaining chip for so long before its completely exhausted.
Sir,
Welcome aboard. I appreciate your signing up for this cruise.
You make your point descriptively but you prove mine. This blog works from the foundation that God designed, Nature endows, and hormones energize men to seek frequent and convenient sex. It doesn’t show up so blatantly in men because values override their natural emotions. However, I suggest that women anticipate it until each man displays values to the contrary.
You call it “the least attractive aspect of a woman” to withhold sex as a position of power. That’s a good masculine position to take because it defends frequent and convenient aka cheap and easy sex.
You also directly prove my point. You say, “I seen my share of down low men with women they consider cold looking for ‘comfort’ in the arms of their brothers.” What’s that if men not seeking frequent and convenient sex? What’s that if not disrespecting sex between the sexes? What’s that if not proving to women that men easily abandon their masculine nature and make themselves less valuable for mating? What’s that if not men proving themselves to be unworthy of a wife?
Guy
Dear Sir Guy
Reading such sincere comments about men has been refreshing to a lass like me!
Godliness must return to relationships. His principals are sound as it is founded on love. I have seen men and woman “disrespecting sex between the sexes”; use and hurt each other! It stops with us. The above discussions contain vital truths. We must make a quality decision to apply these truths and spread the news!
God bless you “Blessed son of man”. Reading this comment: “I myself rarely give out comments to females… I can appreciate from afar but It doesn’t go any further than that.”; is an honest account of your thoughts and actions. Good. I’d like to encourage you to pursue and woo your girlfriend. People have different love languages – but that is a pretty universal desire that most Godly woman pray for… such as myself and friends. I wouldn’t make a first move on a guy that has caught my eye; simply because (in my view) he is the hunter and the leader. To get those Godly woman, I’d like to suggest that you refrain from just appreciating from afar! You have the priveladge as a man of God to make the move (not that woman can’t make the first move… it is just that some good woman won’t).
Back to: Kissing a guy – or responding to his kiss has an effect on the entire relationship. Reading the above commentaries I think that sharing a first kiss on a wedding day is a gorgeous idea!
I’d like to know a guy two years or more before I marry him. (“,) I want to know him in al circumstances; see all his reactions before I make a life altering decision to marry him! During that time I’d like him to pursue me – I’d love to respond to his “Godly gentlemaness” in an appropriate loving way!
Question: is it practical to court without kissing for two years?
A man’s reaction on my request will depend from guy to guy – but… is it fair for me to have that expectation?
Your Highness Christelina,
No it isn’t practical to court for two years without kissing. If you find a guy to do it, he’ll be a sub-gamma (however non-masculine that is). I expect to address the first and other kisses in an upcoming Boot Camp article in a few days.
Guy
P.S. I just thought of what a sub-gamma would be: A man without dignity.
G.
I’m not judging my any means when I make this comment. As much as I understand saving your virginity for marriage(which makes complete sense) or at least engagement. I think it’s a bit much to make a man hold out on kissing you for the entire courtship if it is longer than say A MONTH. If a man doesn’t make any attempt to kiss you or make a move on you I would seriously reconsider his sexual orientation.
I think his attempts would be acceptable, but I don’t think a woman has to let him actually kiss her. She ought to be able to refuse him without emasculating him. Right?
No kissing until the wedding? LOL! Honey, if a man agrees to that he’s gay or a complete fool.
Hahahaha, thank you for your honest comments! I appreciate it immensely! Two years is a long time. Ladies have needs too you know!
A Canadian (presently South African) was courting me for five months. Most of this happened via phone, email, facebook. After investing hours per day in the relationship, he drove four hours and visited me. Three days thereafter… he surprised me with a sweet kiss. O-la-la: it was great! Two days after that, I got signals that he was “just not that in to me” anymore. I felt very disappointed. I told him what I wads thinking and he responded with: “can we just be friends?”.
I agreed that being friends would be ok with me – but I tell you… it was NOT! I had the grand privilege of being in his company for a few more days after we were “just friends”. Emotional, sad, angry – those feelings ran deep. Hahaha – I prayed constantly that I would have the strength to keep my dignity. Praise the Lord: I did!
Point 1: “being just friends” after a guy broke your heart… is hard stuff. I don’t think it is fair for a guy to request that immediately.
Point 2: I should have prayed more often with him and dived into the Bible when he was here. Our relationship via two hour phone calls always revolved around that!
Question: How do I get a man to take the lead and initiate Bible study in person – not just over the phone?
Your Magnificentness Christelina,
Point 1: You’re so right. Friends after breakup? Never! He’s a constant reminder that you’re inadequate. Make him prove his own inadequacy by disappearing from your eyes so he will melt away from your heart.
Point 2: Good show!
Your question: I suggest you make it part of each date. He arrives and you have a short bible reading before proceeding with the date. Make it habitual and not just for one guy. You pick the verses, make it your standard expectation, and if men don’t like it then they won’t like other things about you. Lady readers may have better ideas but I like the ones that put YOU in charge.
Guy