Boys and girls don’t know squat about kissing. Her Highness Cassy and friends with strong Christian values had guys initiate relationships, wait around for the first kiss, and then lose interest. She described the guys as treating first-kiss as a kiss-and-run conquest.
I have always presumed that moms or older sisters taught girls the details of kissing. Perhaps I’m wrong. So, let me at age 80 lay everything on the table.
- The younger generations copy movies and TV. Christian parents and teachers preach against it. The difference causes Cassy’s dilemma. It amounts to this: Girls know too little about kissing that bonds a couple. (Boys don’t care about bonding when kisses abound.)
- Girls bond by doing lovable things for boys. Boys bond by using their imagination to forecast how important, assess how likeable, and predict how promising a role she plays in his near-term future.
- Boys learn about kissing from movies, TV, and experience kissing girls that are eager to please boys. Boys expect girls to adopt the hippo-style kissing portrayed as the greatest and most desirable. In fact such kissing is the imaginative product of screen writers and directors to show that sex is okay and imminent. It has no bonding effect because it stimulates emotions that are transient in nature.
- Young Christian girls are taught otherwise. They’re not left to follow the pop culture crowd that copies media exhibitions. They’re taught to avoid wrong signals, erogenous connections, and especially passionate build-up. If they deliver first kisses closed-mouth and tight lipped, they send boys elsewhere.
- Tight lips sink ships. Expecting something more hippo-like, the boys lose interest. It’s not the girls’ kisses so much as the shock of facing the unexpected and not knowing how to handle someone so different.
Closed mouth and tight lips may satisfy parental teachings and religious beliefs as interpreted by individual girls. But it has no bonding effect and is consequently unnatural.
So, what’s the bonding way to kiss? See ya’ tomorrow at #1168.
Giggle – thank you for the insight!
1) How would we tell this to our parents? 2) I really don’t think mine would be very delighted to know that I kissed a guy I wasn’t married to. 3) And what about the bible? 4) Wouldn’t boys settle for a kiss on the cheek or something?
Your Elegantness Simplicity Evermore,
I inserted numbers in your comment and answer each.
1) It’s up to you. You know them and yourself. Figure it out.
2) How old are you? There comes an age at which it’s none of their business.
3) What about the bible?
4) Not no but hell no unless he perhaps is a strict bible constructionist or dedicated deeply to a particularly restrictive ministry. Does a kiss on the cheek fairly balance the devotion a man should show to reach the stage of marrying her? Your give-and-take spirit could use a review and adjustment.
Sorry to be so abrupt, Sim Sim, but you take me into complexities rather than help make WWNH simpler.
Guy
EDITOR’S NOTE: MY RESPONSES ARE IN CAPS BELOW.
Sometimes that’s the best way to get to a point.
3.Well, how would we balance this with our desire to be chaste? I don’t know anything, but wouldn’t it be…um…well it would make it harder on both sides. But more importantly, wouldn’t it violate God’s Command? I mean I think there is a really good reason why the pastor says ‘I pronounce you husband anf wife. You may *now* kiss the bride.’ PERHAPS YOU DO BUT I DON’T EXTEND CHASTENESS INTO NO KISSING. ALSO, I FOCUS ON HUMAN NATURE BEFORE RELIGION AND OTHER PERSONAL EMOTIONS BECOME INVOLVED.
4. hmm… I think I see what your getting at when you say it matches his devotion. Men are what they do. So he feels like he’s giving completely of himself by doing for his woman. So he would feel cheated if she didn’t give a bit of herself too. But she would do things for him as well. That’s the whole point of earning respect. Is it that the kiss goes above and beyond that? *has read kissing II*. I know a lot of it is promises for his future. But even if he never kisses her, wouldn’t he still have hope of sex one day? (if, say, she was promising in everything else.) PERHAPS. BUT NO KISSING BEFORE MAKES MARRIAGE A NON-EMOTIONAL HOOKUP. IT LEAVES HIM WITH NO MORE PROMISE THAN THE MECHANICS OF SEX. WHERE’S THE EMOTIONAL BUILDUP?
*is now confused* Isn’t the emotional buildup his love for her? Doesn’t his devotion to and desire for her make him eagerly anticipate sex after marriage? Or is his devotion devoid of emotional connection? Maybe I should be asking what you mean by emotional buildup.>_<" I realize that his desire for marriage stems from his desire for sex. Just as a woman's desire for marriage stems from her desire for a better future. But I can't see men as automatons who 'go-through-the-motions' just to get the girl to marry him so he can have sex with her. Guys who do that usually don't wait till marriage, anyway.
And so, it seems to me that because he was so devoted to her, that having sex would be the um… consummation of his emotonal love. (Unless that's just how women see it.)
Your Eagerness Simplicity Evermore,
Your last sentence answers most of that above.
Except this is wrong: “…his desire for marriage stems from his desire for sex.” Not so. It stems from the promise she shows for wifeliness with frequent and convenient sex as bonus but high expectation. Sex neither bonds nor holds a man before or after marriage but it’s part of the promise she appears to be to him.
Guy
So then how does kissing lead to emotional buildup? It would seem that kissing isn’t the sole factor in the emotional connection. Especially, if he found her promising already. Is it the icing on the cake? Is it the start of the emotional connection? Or another expression of emotions he has already?
Thank you for your patience with my cinderblock.^_^
Your Supremeness Simplicity Evermore,
I’m not sure why it matters. Kissing inflates emotional connections just as respect does for her likeability, virtue, and promise for his future. Who knows what comes first, last, and in between?
Guy