1183. Boot Camp for Girls—Day 20: Grandfather’s Advice #7

My precious granddaughter, I have some private advice just for you. It’s a new form of gravity. I suggest you not share it with your competitors, your girlfriends.

If you haven’t been dumped, you won’t like it. But expect it someday. Your natural good intentions, so typical of good people, make you vulnerable.

By handling ALL boys better, you reduce the odds by playing the field. Don’t try to make them like you. Draw them repeatedly to you with words that work like gravity. The boys that show continuing interest in you can then be captured and kept by doing the same thing only doing it better and more personal.

This specific advice will reduce the risk of becoming a dumpee. Keep yourself focused on what males need more than anything else to keep a female alongside—whether boy and girl, man and woman, or husband and wife. Focus on admiring boys. Find what makes them significant in the ordering of their life—such as grades, sports, integrity, sense of responsibility, character development. Admire their accomplishments and not their ambitions. Judge their results and not their intentions.

Ignite your imagination but move it off self-centeredness and girly things. Find ways to admire how each boy fits so well into his world, the world, and much later your world. Tell him in detail your admiration for who he is, what he does, how he makes himself significant, what he targets and conquers, how he masters present day events, how he settles disputes, what his potential means for the future. (Save for much later the tying of his future to yours).

I don’t mean for you to rattle on incessantly. Use discretion and sincerity with plenty of smiles, eye contact, and active listening. Let him dominate conversations, while you modestly admire him.   

Teach yourself to hold boys up as exemplary individuals, as producers, protectors, providers, and problem solvers and especially for fulfilling female hopes and dreams. That’s what husbands are expected to do, girls tame boys for domestic life, and boys need to learn what women expect out of them.

Intersperse gently but not too frequently how you would love to see a boy in action, how he does something, or whatever else brings you into his picture. Indirectness and seed planting work wonders to reflect admiration; he infers it rather than being told. Inference sinks much more easily and deeper into his belief system.  

Avoid admiring boys for female-friendly stuff, such as peace, good looks, friendly personality, feminist beliefs, compassion, display of affection, group-over-individual, and emotional connections (such as rock music induces and boys exploit for sex). If they haven’t earned it, don’t admire them.

Some boys fake female-like qualities to keep your focus on them. You may like them for it, but you’ll have trouble holding them after they conquer you for sex. Their interests just lie elsewhere, not on the female side of things.

Minimize talking about yourself. And especially dump all the girly mistakes for handling men. Don’t lavish affection or try to spread touchy-feely emotions. Don’t go into full disclosure mode. Don’t float phony compliments into conversations. Don’t let boys open the subject of sex and especially don’t let them uncover your sexual history however virginal or complimentary it may be.

Sincere admiration, lavish but not sickening, can outweigh most of your shortcomings and faults. More importantly, admiration pulls boys back to the source. When many boys seek your attention, some will go out of their way to revel in your presence. When you choose from several, you’ll more likely pick one that won’t dump you.

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