This series aims at morphing a young woman from adolescence into mature adulthood. Yesterday’s post was devoted to the mental side of self-image, one’s picture of Self. Today, we focus on one’s appearance.
“To change a habit, make a conscious decision, then act out the new behavior.” (Maxwell Maltz)
Upgrade and reinforce your daily appearance and you change your habits. Dress for success and become more successful. For example, dress for capturing a man, keeping a man, getting a better job, earning more respect, or just to feel better about yourself and success will follow. No guarantees but odds dramatically favor you. Dress more maturely and adult-like and you leave adolescent habits behind without much effort. Details follow.
Your Appearance. Many people prefer the certainty of misery to the uncertainty of change. If you’re like those people, you won’t like what follows here.
- Plan and slowly and step by step do a personal and private makeover. Don’t appear radical. Stay within common boundaries especially the classier aspects of society.
- To believe something new about yourself, use these steps: Repeatedly until it becomes habitual, act the way you want to believe about yourself. If you want to be cuter, dress and groom that way. If you want be prettier, spend more time at the mirror. If you want a new job, do better at the one you have. If you want to capture a good man, practice figuring out the character and integrity of men. If you want the courage to change your beliefs, act as if you already have it. Give yourself at least ninety days to become what you want to believe. If not there, continue. You can become who you want to be but it takes courage and dedication to your hopes and dreams.
- Work daily before a mirror to make yourself prettier as an adult, more femininely important as an adult, and more attractive in your eyes as an adult. Commit to at least a half-hour a day before your main mirror. At first just speculate and experiment with thoughts and grooming tools that might work for you. Then, practice improving on making you prettier for you. Then, prettier and prettier to and just for you. Self-talk prevents becoming satisfied too soon, as you’ll see in tomorrow’s article. (Also, you can learn more at the Mirror Time series at 563 and 564).
- Since you believe in yourself, you need no other opinion than God’s and those you form before your mirror-friend. Expect to make mistakes and forgive yourself. Be proud of each recovery. (If you don’t believe in yourself, turn your life over to Jesus Christ and He will lift you from that misery.)
- Make yourself appear classier than your peers but not too much and never toward radical. If you feel prouder of yourself and envy other females much less than before, you’re on the right track. If girlfriends envy and friends and family admire you, you’re on the right track. But don’t quit. You have much more potential than you credit yourself.
- Each day review what you did well and reinforce those things in your bundle of convictions about yourself. Record it in a journal. Forget what others did or said. Focus just on you and especially your feminine sensibilities. Also identify those things at which you lack skills, aptitude, or interest. Decide ahead of time that you will avoid those things in the future. Either bow out or walk away when your sensibilities are offended.
- Others will form their own opinions based on how they see you. You can help shape their opinions by making yourself more attractive in your own eyes. Appear more attractive and you act that way. Act that way and receive much more attention. You need more attention from others if you hope to fulfill your hopes and dreams.
- Finally, the Boob Language series at CONTENTS has many guidelines and precautions about dressing oneself more attractively for men.
This series continues to grow. Much courage for upgrading oneself from adolescent to adult is also available by working with one’s self-talk, self-esteem, self-interest, and use of the self-fulfilling prophecy. Those subjects continue tomorrow.
Dear Guy,
A job well done on this entire series! At first, all your practical advice sounds like common sense (which it is). But the more I think about it I realize the reason you need to say these things is because they are no longer common sense. I have no other comment, just wanted to say that I take your words to heart and I act on them!
I’ve been reading this blog for over a year and I’ve put a lot of things in this article to work. When I go out, I dress classier and more feminine than other women. I DO get a lot of respect and admiration from men. Sometimes I feel like a princess. I haven’t attracted my Mr. Good Enough yet though. I don’t get asked out much and yet I think that may come in time. (I’m over 40 and still a bit overweight).
Even if I don’t meet Mr. Good Enough though, it’s still worthwhile to beautify the world a little and have positive experiences with men…even the younger ones enjoy my company! I also think it’s important to set a good example for my daughters and other young women.
I
The prettier I get, the less need I have to “prove myself” intelligent. Proving myself was a burden…usually, I just talked to much and made myself look too aggressive and later had a vague feeling of embarrassment.
I used to always feel like I had to ‘prove myself’ to other people. It was awful. I would always end up talking too much, like you said. I would end up eventually saying something and being ridiculously embarrassed by it.
After reading this blog though, I’ve learned to always have a bit of mystery. I don’t over explain what I think or do anymore and its fun to leave people wondering more about you
The older I get, the prettier and more classy I feel. Partly because of some of the principles you mentioned – mainly because I know who I am in Christ.
Good stuff. Thank you.
This post contains excellent advice not only for adolescents who want to be more adult, but also for adult women. I think that women who have become too “motherly” could especially benefit from some of this advice. Sometimes we don’t realize how much feminine charm can be lost once we have children because we are so wrapped up in their care out of necessity early on. The sloppy look continues out of habit even when the children are older and this is a good reminder of how a feminine appearance can be reclaimed. The ninety day suggestion is excellent. So much can be done in ninety days. Weight can be lost, a wardrobe improved, makeup purchased, hair style changed, nails grown out if they are short or bitten, nutrition and attitude improved. In ninety days, one can become a new person if they want!
I do think that a lot of money or time helps in this area, and the money part can be a challenge in this economy. Many women don’t have a lot to spend on their appearance these days and I’d like to see you make suggestions for things women can do that don’t cost a lot…for example, buying a pretty blouse rather than two sweatshirts. Finances can play a huge part in how much or how fast women can change sometimes. For example, I have pretty eyes, but I am also severely nearsighted, in the legally blind range since childhood without correction. I wear glasses because I cannot afford the extremely expensive special order contacts I would need to be able to ditch the glasses. Plus, my eyes are so dry I have trouble with the contacts. I am sure a makeover artist would tell me to get rid of the glasses, even though they are the nicest ones I could get. But sometimes, reality has to be considered. Often, things that require time, like weight loss or growing out hair, are easier to address than things that cost a lot of money.
Your Highness Karen,
Good and kind words well phrased. Here are just a couple disjointed thoughts from a man.
As I pointed out a few days ago, ‘Men don’t make passes at girls that wear glasses’ is a myth coined by a woman, Dorothy Parker, many decades ago. If you use a makeover artist, tell her to start with the glasses and make them enhance your eyes.
About a pretty blouse rather than two sweatshirts, how about starched blouses? I know that modern women don’t use starch. But starching and ironing pretty blouses programs a woman’s mind much like time perched in front of a mirror. Her imagination runs to how she will look and that uplifts both her spirits and her future appearance. Of course if she views ironing as just more labor, no benefits accrue and sweatshirts will do just as well. (When women spend more time on themselves, they improve themselves. It’s that simple and an unimproved woman catches few male eyes. How she grooms herself and prepares what she wears counts more as improvements and adds to her attractiveness much more than the cost of what she wears. (Cost of her apparel is meaningless to a man except when he has to pay for it so other men can enjoy her attractiveness.)
Guy
I know that I am planning to start sewing my own clothes because fabric is a lot cheaper that the nice clothes that I wish to wear now. Trying to look more beautiful and feminine I have found that I no longer want to wear cheap poorly made and unflattering clothes from my local stores. Patterns are pretty cheap too, and have multiple pieces that can be made from one. I am hoping it wont take me too long to learn how to use them!
Your Highness Aspiringlady,
Welcome aboard. It’s another great day when a pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WWNH.
I admire you for the plans you’ve developed. Cultural values come from women, and I sure hope that yours become universal to help return fashion designs to female rather than male tastes.
Guy
I would suggest to the lady that is learning to sew that she check out the Simplicity “It’s So Easy” line. Patterns in that line are great for beginners and they have several skirts and some simple long dresses. I have had a lot of success with the It’s So Easy patterns.
I like the suggestion of starch! I do find I have to do a lot of ironing now that I am dressing better. Someone pointed out on another blog that most women do not look good in the knit fabrics that are everywhere because they cling to every bulge and tend to show undergarments. I am not heavy, but once I started to look around to see if that was true, I found it definitely is. Woven fabrics look so much better on everyone.
Thank you for the encouragement about the glasses. One thing that helps is getting anti-glare coating on them to make eyes more visible. It is well worth the extra expense.
One way to save money is to carefully go through your closet. I did this recently and figured out how to put things together for a couple of “new” feminine outfits. I gained more space by getting rid of things I no longer wear, and I got a better idea of what I needed to buy first.
@ PrincessRita and Brittany: Me too! One of my affirmations it that I have nothing to prove. A good way to convince myself that trying to prove myself just looks silly and unconvincing is seeing other people (Usually teenagers, but often insecure adults as well), doing the same thing…
Years ago (I am 47 now) I began paying attention to women who were 10+ years older than me who attracted my attention due to there physical appearance and dress or their demeanor and I would say to myself (and still do!) ‘That is what I want to look like when I am that age’…It has made me pay attention to myself and has given me a focus and a visual for my ‘goals’ as Guy describes…I love this series!
Your Highness Queen Bee,
You practice a wonderful technique for promoting your self-interest, uplifting your self-image, compensating for whatever self-esteem shortages you may have, and energizing self-talk to keep your spirits up and attitude admirable. Using such an amazing technique, I have no doubt you’re an amazing and hugely admirable woman. What I’ve learned from you has made my day complete and it’s not yet noon. Thanks over and over again.
Guy
there are wonderful second hand shops and consignment shops in my area…i have found amazing good quality clothes (cashmere sweaters etc) for very little…one persons junk is another mans treasure!
no one has to know you didnt buy it new! it adds to the mystery…