1303. Flirt and Tease


Teasing makes a woman smile and thereby prettier. Flirting makes a woman show an interest in the face that makes her highly attractive. Those results reward men. They feel good for having energized her that way.

Men test at flirting and play at teasing to confirm that their ability to attract female attention doesn’t wane. God designed, Nature endows, and hormones energize them for life. Real men do both but you’ll notice that young men flirt more and old men tease more. They all need confirmation when opportunities arise to prove their ability. Or, they just want to feel good.

Women know how to read it when men flirt and tease. But modern women are sometimes wrong, take the simple way out, and seem to have lost the art of taking advantage.

Men flirt and tease for two reasons that sometimes combine into a third. They want to feel good. They want something from a woman. They want both. All are natural to the male nature but women doubt the first reason can ever be exclusive or sincere.

The female nature intuitively knows when a man flirts or teases as lead-in to getting something from her. Females learn early in life to both spot and deal with it.

The womanly dilemma comes when a man’s motivation is not so obvious. She can’t really tell if he wants something, but she suspects it and acts accordingly. Modern women consequently consider all flirting and teasing as early warning sign of invitation to sex. They miss much of the fun of life among two genders.

Many married men tease and some even flirt. With good cause, wives object to husband flirting. With poor cause, women profile men—married, single, and old—as always in pursuit of sex. Many more honorable married men exist than credited among women.

Women have an innate bias against teasing and flirting. Emotional fidelity means more to women than sexual fidelity. They see emotional infidelity as precursor to unfaithfulness and both as threat of abandonment.

Not so with men. They believe sexual fidelity is everything. Emotional infidelity is neither perceivable nor all that important unless it leads to sexual infidelity.

More realistic judgments can provide more fun in our two-gender life. Women can have more fun if they can moderate their doubts about men and credit them with more honorable if not totally innocent motivations.

31 Comments

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31 responses to “1303. Flirt and Tease

  1. anonymous

    I can’t get enough of it when older men (like at least 15 years older, so there’s no romantic possibilities) tease me. I’m magnetized by it; the more they tease me, the more I like to be around them. But not so with younger men around my age. I still like it then but not nearly as much as with older men. Originally I thought I just like the attention, but if it were, wouldn’t it make more sense for me to like it when younger men (of possible romantic interest) tease me more? Any ideas?

    Your Highness Anonymous,
    My guess is that caution makes you hesitant because you may do the wrong thing in front of men with potential interest in you. You don’t want to mistakenly give up the slightest edge of control over whatever might develop. It’s called intuition.
    Guy

  2. Lora

    “They see emotional infidelity as precursor to unfaithfulness….”
    Is there a difference between emotional infidelity and unfaithfulness?

    I can’t say all flirting/teasing is in direct pursuit of sex. There is an undeniable natural chemistry between male and female that does not respect age, marital status, etc. But what else is undeniably natural is our proclivity to sin. Dare I say, “nature” and “sin” are interchangeable. Enter the slippery slope (obviously not confined to sex).

    Now, do I think the sweet old married man bantering with me in line at McDonald’s is trying to bed me? No, because I hope, in that exchange, we both exemplify many of the facts you’ve written here, Sir Guy. But I stop far short of crediting any line between us drawn (or deemed irrelevant) to his being an honorable man, or me being an honorable woman. Without the burden of Jesus Christ in our sinful heart and the consequences of life, all any of us would do would be have fun, i.e., sleep, eat, and have sex. There is none who does good, no, not one. I think good deeds are possible; we just can’t take credit for them, as contrary as that is to the natural human ego and all the nuances and double standards distinguishing male and female.

    “Modern women consequently consider all flirting and teasing as early warning sign of invitation to sex. They miss much of the fun of life among two genders.”

    Does “the fun of life among two genders” fall under any of these categories: the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, the pride of life (cue buzzkill).

    There is no such thing as a modern man/woman, only modern means to the same old end. We’re all capable of all sins, same ones since the beginning of time. I don’t advocate taking all flirting/teasing as an invitation to sex or assigning motives to someone’s behavior, but I do advocate guarding your heart and fleeing lust. (I confess I would do very well to heed the Bible’s commands on this.)

    I know I’m just preaching, and I know it’s terribly unsexy, but every aspect of life points to God. Maybe nothing highlights our need for God more than our pride. Lust, etc., drowns the “honorable” man the same as the dishonorable”, because the distinction is fiction. Fueling lust, especially, is not a risk to be taken or compared with other ventures. It’s something to flee. Again, I do well to heed the commands, myself.

    But nice article nonetheless. :)

    Your Highness Lora,

    “Is there a difference between emotional infidelity and unfaithfulness?”
    Answer: For women and according to the bible, they are identifiably different. For the nature of males, emotional fidelity is insignificant relative to unfaithfulness.

    “Does ‘the fun of life among two genders’ fall under any of these categories: the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, the pride of life…?”
    Answer: Yes, of course, but that’s not all. How about enjoyment of Self, others, and interaction that leads to smiles, laughter, and developing friendships? Lust and pride don’t flood every interaction.

    Guy

    • Lora

      [“A]ccording to the bible, they are identifiably different.”

      Matthew 5:8, Ecclesiastes 5:18, Ephesians 5:25. Of course, in Matthew Christ is talking about looking at a woman with lust, but is that to the exclusion of purely emotional affairs? I’m skeptical that a purely emotional affair exists without a lustful element, but even if it does, I’m not sure it fits in the scheme of loving your wife as Christ loves the church, or, for a woman, submitting to and obeying your husband.

      “Lust and pride don’t flood every interaction.”

      lol.

      Your Highness Lora,
      I’m unsure of what you’re claiming. However, let me offer this. I’m 80 years old and you’re somewhere on the younger side. I sure appreciate your interest and comments in the blog. I sense no lustful connection nor can I even imagine it happening were we to meet face to face. Emotional connections can be sustained without lust entering the picture, unless of course you define emotional as lustful.
      Guy

      • Lora

        Sir Guy,

        I enjoy this blog and your effort and have learned much. I appreciate that you’ve been a sinner far longer than I have. Though younger, my resume is just as full of pride/vanity/lust. It’s a subject on which we all are experts. (Break one law, break them all.)

        I don’t necessarily disagree with you about the different genders’ motivations for flirting. You write at length here about human nature. So does the Bible. As Adam’s offspring, the heart of everything we do is pride/lust/vanity.

        My claim may be just an admonition to watch it with flirting, as with everything else. (Captain obvious here, admittedly younger and inexperienced too.) Your responses seemed to indicate, with a wink and anod to nature and double standards and stuff, that there is a brand of person conditioned to hypersexualize everything, even something like innocent flirts from an “honorable” person. Respectfully,
        as I said in previous comments, I doubt the purity of those premises.

        My youth and inexperience – or, reversely – your age and experience does nothing to
        excuse the demands of the Bible. Good luck to any of us living up to it, which is why we need a Savior. That’s just the singular point to life, and worth contending for, which is what women and (men) never hear.

        I’ve appreciated this dialogue.

        • Abigail

          I’m wondering if perhaps flirt is the wrong word for the interactions some of us have with the opposite sex.

          I have a number of male friends who I joke with, compliment and pay attention to. The thought of having sex with them doesn’t cross my mind. I just enjoy making them smile. Some of them are young and haven’t had great experiences with women their age and I think my ministrations give them a little hope in their sometimes lonely lives. It eases my loneliness as well. I’ll bet when Mary and Martha had Jesus to dinner, they smiled at Him, spoke nicely to Him and even paid Him compliments. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with that.

  3. Aurelia

    Teasing acts like glue which connects humans together in a safe and positive manner (within reason that is). It gratifies masculinity in a male and confirms comeliness in a female. It also opens up the door for generic conversation.
    One thing I have learnt from my moments of slipping up: according to the Christian faith, Jesus gave up his perfect position in heaven and stooped to our level. Why? Because he wanted to reach us and there was no other way. Exploring the depths of the sea as mentioned in Psalms is also a place where Gods love is. If we cannot be separated from his love, no matter how we stuff things up or think we are unforgivable wretches, God loves us, the people behind the facades that we wear. Ultimately we are all tainted by the rust of sin. How that presents itself from person to person differs dramatically. The important thing is remembering that God is our judge. He knows us better than we do ourselves. With that in mind we can defer our preconceptions about others and love more abundantly. I think that’s truly awesome!

  4. true,it depends upon whom is teasing you and what the relationship is between you. it could be innocent or a prelude to something else. in ks

    Your Highness Page,
    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
    Guy

  5. nic

    EDITOR’S NOTE: Not sure what John intended to say but he may come back to tell us.
    Guy

  6. theoriginaloreo

    It’s good to show appreciation for r people and compliment them on their appearance etc. if its just to make them feel good which in turn makes you feel good. Even in a relationship, doesn’t mean I can be nice and playful with other people as long it’s not for sex or physical. It’s all about the persons intentions, when I think about it there’s a difference between romantic love and just showing love (not physically). Sometimes nowadays just smiling and being nice, and gentle towards someone is taken as flirting, like everyone has to be so so to another unless they want something. They can’t just be nice or it’s sexism, or trying to get something…
    But we are changing and some people are just naturally friendly like that or soft and caring. Men always call me gentle (what does that mean) even though I’m quite athletic–I’m soft spoken though, and more quiet, and simple-hearted.<33 Except in writing or arts (more complex), kind of makes some men re-evaluate me most like it though and think I'm smart and look at me with wide eyes like where did this come from. I'm 15 and a tomboy in dress, to make up for my personality and didn't want to be seen as too too vulnerable…(and I'm lazy) but now I'm changing…any advice on feminine clothe for teens, it's a little hard these days…some are too showy for me.
    “Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive. Exclusivity is not the love of God but the "love" of ego. However, the intensity with which true love is felt can vary. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others, and if that person feels the same toward you, it can be said that you are in a love relationship with him or her. The bond that connects you with that person is the same bond that connects you with the person sitting next to you on a bus, or with a bird, a tree, a flower. Only the degree of intensity with which it is felt differs.”
    -Eckhart Tolle

    • Anne

      Re: feminine clothes for a teen:Why dress as a “teen” at all? Dress as the lady that you are! Go to a nice dept store, grab all kinds of things you would “never wear” but which look feminine, soft, pretty, etc. Then just try them on and see what you think looks *beautiful.* (or fill in the blank with another word that inspires you. I like the word “lovely.”) Either way, I think you will know it when you see it. Then never leave your bathroom in the morning until you look like that word to yourself. :)

      • theoriginaloreo

        Thank you so much!! :))

      • Catherine

        “Why dress as a “teen” at all? Dress as the lady that you are!” – Anne

        I agree. :)

      • Catherine

        Some additional thoughts: Many of us wish we had Sir Guy’s blog when we were 15. :) He’s incredibly brilliant and brave, with handy tips for helping ladies. Post #897, Guy’s Recipe for Makeover, has an action plan ready to induce apparel changes.

        This time in your life is great to define your style and perhaps harmonize modest and extreme. Even just wearing a skirt can be quite radical in some environments, but you can practice finding the way to maintain “accessibility” so your style of dressing doesn’t freak people out. Once you find the right tone, masculine respect makes you far better than “popular” or “trendy”. :) Instead of freaking people out, you lead them when they see you receiving manly respect. Also, wearing different clothing over time may create behavioral changes. How you appear when you first try something on may be different than when you’ve worn it for six months because people seem to develop ways to match what they wear with special movements and attitude. Gliding while wearing a lovely skirt is different than walking along with jeans on. :)

        • theoriginaloreo

          Thank you!! :) And I love the last part the most “gliding while wearing a lovely skirt is different than walking along in jeans” Lol, that was funny! :D

        • So, some of you may know me as Sir Guy’s son. Some not. Very rarely, I contribute to my Pops’ efforts here. If you search Guy Jr. and Lauren, you will find a series on our courtship. I’m happy to say that we continue to enjoy a very fulfilling, beautiful relationship.

          I received this from her today, on Valentine’s Eve and this seemed like a good thread with which to share:

          http://gallerybound.blogspot.com/2014/02/hot-beautiful.html?m=1

          “When I see things like this, I think of you.”

          Thank you for letting me stomp on your post, Catherine.

          Happy Valentine’s Day to all.

          Guy Jr.

          P.S. The series about he and Lauren is listed under WWNH Real World…. in the CONTENTS page.
          Guy Sr.

  7. jamfong

    i just have one question sir guy and I hope you’d hear this out… why can’t a guy walk away from a girl who’s obviously flirting with him? thanks a lot.

    Your Highness Jamfong,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    He’s a hunter-conqueror by nature, and a flirt is a prospect for conquest. Her appeal won’t go away even if conviction to monogamous commitment prevails and he walks away. Until he forgives himself for falling victim to his nature, he’s not likely to forget it either. Ask your pastor or priest how they remain faithful.

    Guy

  8. Stephanie

    EDITOR’S NOTE: I RESPOND IN CAPS TO your questions in lower case. I’VE NOT CHANGED A WORD OR SEQUENCE OF YOURS, BUT FOR EASE OF READING GIVEN IT MORE BREAKS. GUY

    YOUR HIGHNESS STEPHANIE,
    I DEEPLY REGRET THAT YOU’VE FALLEN OFF THE CLIFF OF HOPE. EMERSON SAID, “THE WORLD TURNS ON HOPE,” AND YOU WRITE AS IF YOU’VE GIVEN UP EVER MAKING YOUR WORLD TURN TO YOUR SATISFACTION.
    GUY
    ——
    I don’t understand? Hunter by nature and need to conquer? HUNTER, YES. AS TO CONQUEROR, IT’S NOT A NEED BUT THE NATURAL URGE TO ESTABLISH DOMINANCE. Conquer for sex right? YES. Isn’t that the conquest all your post speak of? YES. isn’t that what drives men? NO! OTHER THINGS ARE STRONGER MOTIVATORS. (I SUGGEST ARTICLES 1747 THRUGH 1761 FOR STARTERS.)

    So you think pretty women should flirt with married men? NO. Because she will appeal to him and be on his mind regardless? MAYBE IF THAT’S WHAT SHE’S AFTER. Because it’s his nature to be allured by women? YES, BUT APPRECIATION OF FEMALE ATTRACTIVENESS IS PRIMARY AND LUSTING SECONDARY. WHEN A WOMAN WALKS BY, HIS HUNTER’S EYE IS ATTRACTED TO MOVEMENT; IF HE STARES HE APPRECIATES THE VIEW. NEITHER MEANS HE’S LUSTING, WHICH COMES AT OTHER TIMES AND STIMULUS.

    Where does this leave his wife with all her being chaste and modest? WHEREVER SHE DECIDES SHE SHOULD BE. IF SHE CHOOSES TO BE OFFENDED AND BLAME HER MAN, IT LEAVES HER ANGRY OR WORSE. IF SHE CHOOSES TO APPRECIATE HER MAN AS A REAL MAN, SHE SMILES AT HER GOOD FORTUNE. INGRATITUDE KILLS MUCH MORE THAN HAPPINESS.

    Pretty unappealing and forgotten don’t you think? YOU THINK YOU CAN CHANGE HUMAN NATURE? WOMEN ARE ENDOWED TO COMPENSATE BY USING THEIR RELATIONSHIP EXPERTISE.

    How does a man priest or pastor stay faithful? BY INSPIRATION, HABIT, WILL POWER, SELF-RESPECT, AND RESPECT FOR AND DEVOTION TO HIS WOMAN, GOD, OR BOTH. It seems so against their nature to do so. THAT’S WHERE WELL DISCIPLINED, DETERMINED, AND FEMININE WOMEN COME IN WITH MORAL STANDARDS AND FEMALE EXPECTATIONS. IF NOT STARTED BY MOTHERS, PROGRESS WILL BE SLOW.

    I really don’t care if my man goes all the way with a woman. THAT’S YOUR NATURE. IF HE CHEATS YOU WANT TO TALK; IF YOU CHEAT HE WANTS TO WALK. It’s in the allure and the desire that is most exciting. THAT’S EMOTIONAL FIDELITY WHICH MEANS MUCH MORE TO WOMEN THAN MEN. This is why I don’t want to get married. SORRY TO HEAR THAT. Why would I want to open my heart and soul to a man who is constantly being lured by other women. YOU’RE PRESUPPOSING THAT YOU CAN’T WIN HIS HEART AND SOUL. DON’T GIVE AWAY SO READILY THE EXPERTISE YOU WERE BORN WITH.

    It seems to me it’s just not in their nature to love at all. NOT IN THE WAY THAT WOMEN LOVE. A MAN’S DEDICATION TO PROVIDING/PROTECTING IS HIS EXPRESSION OF LOVE. DEDICATION IS THE KEY WORD.

    And to say it’s my job to make him desire to stay with me? ONLY IF YOU WANT HIM. WHAT OBLIGATION DOES A MAN HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU IF YOU DON’T EARN KEEPING HIM? YOU MAY HAVE MISSED THIS POINT IN THE BLOG: TO EXPLOIT THEIR NATURE, WOMEN MAKE MEN EARN THEIR WAY INTO THE FEMALE HEART AND MARRIAGE, AND HUSBANDS MAKE WIVES EARN MARITAL LONGEVITY.

    For some reason I really don’t even want him knowing he’s flirting with other women to arouse his hunter instincts and stroke his ego for how responsive she is to him. YOU PRESUME BECAUSE HIS NATURE LEANS IN THAT DIRECTION THAT HIS BEHAVIOR WILL FOLLOW. OTHER VALUES, EXPERIENCES, BELIEFS, AND RESPECT FOR THE RIGHT WOMAN CAUSE OTHER BEHAVIORS. IT’S YOUR JOB TO MAKE IT COME OUT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE BY MAKING HIM EARN HIS WAY INTO YOUR HEART.

    I know for myself I can’t even be somewhat civil to men and they assume I’m flirting. IF YOU’RE UNABLE TO HANDLE IT, YOU’RE SELF-RESPECT HAS PLUMMETED BUT YOUR FEMALE EGO REMAINS ALERT. ONCE AGAIN, MEN ARE AT FAULT, WHICH FREES YOU TO BE THE PARAGON OF VIRTUE.

    I guess I just don’t understand how a man can be honorable due to his nature? BY SOCIAL, DOMESTIC, AND INTERPERSONAL PRESSURES THAT TURN HIS SELF-INTEREST TOWARD MORAL BEHAVIOR.

    I really am trying to understand if men are capable of not lusting? A HUGE DIFFERENCE EXISTS BETWEEN LUSTING AND APPRECIATING AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN. HIS NATURE GENERATES THE FORMER AND CHASTE WOMEN CONDITION THE MALE SPIRIT TO THE LATTER.

    Do they just forgive themselves so they don’t feel guilty every time they do? PARTIALLY YES. MEN DON’T DWELL ON GUILT AND GET RID OF IT ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. Is that staying faithful? DEFINE FAITHFUL. IF YOU MEAN EVERY THOUGHT, NO. IF YOU MEAN SUFFICIENT AND PRODUCTIVE THOUGHTS TO STAY TOGETHER AND HOPEFULLY FAITHFUL, YES.

    I’m also not so sure I agree? Do men really not care if their wife has feeling for another man? I NEVER SAID THAT. MEN ARE FAR LESS ALERT TO EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY, AND SO THEY DON’T THINK ABOUT IT AS WOMEN DO. ALSO, UNLESS THEY SUSPECT PHYSICAL INFIDELITY, THEY DON’T CONSIDER EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS IMPORTANT.

    Feelings such as a physical and or emotional desire for him or his attention? SO, NOW IT’S OKAY FOR HER TO LUST BUT HE’S EXPECTED NOT TO? So long as she keeps it at flirting so long as she doesn’t actually have sex with him? YES, EXCEPT IF HER FLIRTING IS SUCH THAT HER MAN READS DISRESPECT FOR HIM OR POTENTIAL FOR CHEATING INTO HER BEHAVIOR. HAVING WON HER AT THE ALTAR, HE ‘OWNS’ HER AND TAKES OFFENSE WHEN SHE ACTS OTHERWISE. (REMEMBER, I’M TALKING ABOUT MOTIVATIONAL FORCES IN HIS NATURE AND NOT HIS ACTUAL BEHAVIOR.)

    Women know that if they have an allure or desire for a man like that they already have feelings for him. YES, THEY FEEL AND RETAIN GUILT AND IT AFFECTS THEIR BEHAVIOR. THEY EITHER CHEAT PHYSICALLY OR THEY DON’T. THEY ALSO HAVE THOUGHTS THAT AREN’T ALL THAT FAITHFUL, DON’T THEY?

    Women like attention from men just as men have the desire to conquer women. ABSOLUTELY TRUE. We make the conscious choice to stop needing attention from other men once we have been conquered by one. CONSCIOUS CHOICE, YES, BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT PROMISING OR HABITUAL. Why can’t men do the same? GOD DESIGNED, NATURE ENDOWS, AND HOMONES MAKE THEM DIFFERENT. IF YOU WANT THEM DIFFERENT, WOMEN HAVE TO TRAIN THEM WITHOUT MEN THINKING WOMEN WANT THEM TO CHANGE. THERE’S THE REAL CHALLENGE FOR WOMEN AND WHY THEY DON’T FIND MR. RIGHT UNTIL THEY’VE BEEN MARRIED TO MR. GOOD ENOUGH FOR 20-25 YEARS.

    I keep seeing the same thing from men since i was a child. I even had my step father explain it to me. Sure of coarse men want a nice little faithful pure and respectable wife to make a home and raise their children. But what they really want is easy access to sex with lots of different women. YES, UNTIL ONE WOMAN TAMES AND DOMESTICATES THEM FOR A FAITHFUL AND REWARDING LIFETIME RELATIONSHIP. AS EXPRESSED MANY TIMES IN THIS BLOG: MEN DO WHATEVER WOMEN REQUIRE IN ORDER TO HAVE CONVENIENT AND FRQUENT ACCESS TO SEX. SO, WOMEN ARE IN CHARGE BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE SUPERIOR POSITION IN LIFE.

    So they lie to have both. SOME DO. THEY LACK QUALITY OF CHARACTER, WHICH IS WHY WOMEN (AND VOTERS) SHOULD SELECT (AND ELECT) BASED ON CHARACTER.

    Unfortunately this knowledge has made me lose all respect for men in general. THAT’S A SIGN YOUR SELF-RESPECT HAS BOTTOMED OUT. And this belief keeps being a self fulfilling prophecy in my life. I really want to change it so I can have a good man. But I really don’t understand how a man or priest or pastor father husband or lover stays faithful or if they even can? I know they can refrain from the physical act if they force themselves to. But I want their heart and mind. WOMEN CAN GIVE THEIR HEART AND MIND EASILY. MEN HAVE TO BE INDUCED, CHARMED, AND REWARDED ACCORDING TO THEIR EXPECTATIONS.

    Their body is just a vessel. TRUE, BUT FOR MEN THE MOST POWERFUL WAY OF PROVING THEIR SIGNIFICANCE.

    I also would like to know what you meant by you’ve found the fountain of youth? It is that you find women even more prettier with age? I don’t get that? I DON’T GET WHAT YOU MEAN. I CAN’T RECALL ANY FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH. AS TO PRETTIER WITH AGE, ALL WOMEN HAVE IT BUT THEY HAVE TO PRESERVE, DISPLAY, AND PROMOTE IT TO REALLY HAVE IT. (“PRETTY TIME” WORKS FOR LIFE.)

    How do men stay in love with one woman if they aren’t emotionally faithful to her? THEY PROVIDE FOR AND PROTECT HER WITH GREAT CONSCIENTIOUSNESS. Or do they not love? THAT IS A MAN’S LOVE.

    They just soak up all the respect and admiration they can get from as many women as possible? TRUE, MEN LOVE THAT. IT REMINDS SOME OF WHAT THEY COULD HAVE BEEN AND OTHERS THAT THEY CAN STILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WOMEN.

    And it’s a daily battle for us to make sure we don’t have a bad day or even bad hair day without that affection turning towards someone who isn’t? THAT’S WHY “PRETTY TIME” IS SO IMPORTANT. (POSTS 806 AND 1146) IT SHAPES A WOMAN’S ATTITUDE FOR THE WHOLE DAY SUCH THAT HER APPEARANCE FLAWS GO UNNOTICED BY HER MAN ALTHOUGH NOT BY HER. (STAY TUNED IN A DAY OR TWO ABOUT “HER WORST DILEMMA” OR TITLE SIMILAR TO THAT.)

    STEPHANIE, I REGRET YOU ARE SO DISCOURAGED AND DISPIRITED. YOU ARE FAR MORE INFLUENTIAL FOR BRIGHTENING YOUR FUTURE THAN REGISTERS ABOVE.

    YOU DON’T NEED A RUDE AWAKENING BUT SUBTLE SHIFTING OF YOUR HEART AND MIND. MAY I SUGGEST YOU START A JOURNAL AND MAKE DAILY ENTRIES OF THE MYRIAD OF THINGS FOR WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL.

    YOU MAY HAVE TO EXAMINE YOUR PERSONAL LIFE AND STUDY IT HARD. BUT I SUGGEST LISTING AT LEAST THREE THINGS EACH DAY WITHOUT DUPLICATION. MAKE YOURSELF WORK TO FINISH THE DAY WITH GRATEFUL THOUGHTS THAT WILL INTRUDE YOUR SLEEP AND UPLIFT YOUR SPIRIT.

    ONE FINAL THOUGHT: LOOK FOR AND SELECT MR GOOD ENOUGH ON THE BASIS OF HIS CHARACTER, ESPECIALLY HONESTY AND INTEGRITY AND NOT POPULARITY OR SALESMANSHIP. DON’T BE FOOLED BY CANDIDATES’ WORDS BUT JUDGE EACH BY HIS ACTIONS. ALSO, MAKE HIM EARN HIS WAY INTO YOUR HEART BY DRAGGING YOU TO THE ALTAR AND INTO YOUR BED AFTER THAT. (SEE THE VIRTUAL VIRGINITY SERIES)

    GUY

    • Stephanie

      EDITOR’S NOTE: MY RESPONSE IS IN CAPS following your questions in lower case.

      That’s just it. It seems as though men are willing to make pigs fly to get me to marry them, I guess you could say I would be considered pretty. I’m 5 9 long brown hair and voted prettiest girl in school. I’ve dealt with the male gaze since long before I ever should have. I know how powerful it can be. But I also know it’s pretty worthless as it only lasts so long or means so much. I suppose not growing up with a father who was consumed by his lusts has made me fear the whole concept of a man’s nature. While at the same time being raised in a very religious home with a very modest and moral mother and upbringing. I got to see both sides of things. The side of how her modestly and goodness kept her blinded and the side of how it allowed him to flirt openly with women and constantly ogle them and pursue them for affairs.This has been my dilemma. I believed the only way a man could have honesty and integrity is if he overcame is carnal nature and ego’s need to flirt and conquer women. I know my step father had no character he was a lying pervert and a psychopathic sex addict. I just don’t know what a man with character looks like per say.

      I figure the best way to stay faithful is to never even think about cheating and that is possible for a woman if she has gratitude for what she has. I think the same should apply to men. WHEN WOMEN WISH AGAINST THE NATURE OF MEN, THEY END UP DISAPPOINTED OR WORSE. Because yes of coarse women can continue to enjoy getting attention from other men. Just as men can enjoy getting attention from women. Isn’t it in the needing and enjoying that sort of attention from the opposite sex when your married that constitutes disrespect. Shouldn’t that go both ways? YOU WISH FOR EQUALITY, THAT’S THE FEMALE EXCUSE TO PASS BLAME TO MEN. Maybe I just don’t understand this difference you speak of between lust and admiration? SEEKING SELF-ADMIRATION IS A MALE’S PRIME MOTIVATION FOR EVERYTHING IN LIFE. LUSTING SEEKS IT WITH A WOMAN. Isn’t it the very thought of gaining enjoyment from being able to attract someone other than your spouse where lust begins? NO. YOU HAVE IT BACKWARD. IT’S NOT ATTRACTING SOMEONE BUT THE CHALLENGE OF CONVERTING PURSUIT INTO CONQUEST. BY CALLING IT LUST, WOMEN PUT ALL BLAME ON MEN AS IF WOMEN HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

      In my specific case I have been married and my husband assumed he was providing and protecting me and was for the most part. Yet at the same time he had a virtual harem of women he lusted after on a daily basis. So I lost all respect for him’ along with my self respect in the process. He knew how I felt about his lust for other women. We are both Christians so I firmly believe in what Jesus says about lust for another woman you have already committed adultery in your heart. PARDON THE HUBRIS, BUT IT SEEMS TO ME THAT JESUS BLAMES MEN FOR THEIR OWN GOOD AND FOR THE BETTERMENT OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN. So I had to divorce him because I guess his natural drive to obtain as much sex as possible in life was already being met through pornography. Since that time I’ve had no problem attracting men who want to get married. The only problem is none of your rules seem to apply any more because men are already getting all the sex they need from all the different women they want online. Weather is is only in their mind or not. It’s not in their mind. Those women may be online but they are still live in the flesh just like you and me are talking here. But we don’t have the aid of web cams like they do. So I find most men will go out of their way to get you to marry them but it’s only because they assume they will be getting what they get online in real life. THAT’S A MATTER WOMEN CAN CLEAR UP DURING COURTSHIP OR ENGAGEMENT. My self worth has plummeted due to believing a mans words and actions then finding out he is a fraud. He is still flirting with and conquering other women online while stealing from me everything I hold sacred. How do you figure in this dual nature of men and how they want the good little faithful wife and yet think they are entitled to getting away with all the dirty immodest sluts who will strip naked for them at the drop of a hat? IF MEN THINK THEY ARE ENTITLED, IT’S BECAUSE EACH WOMAN HAS NOT TAUGHT HER MAN DIFFERENTLY AND THEN DELIVERED ON THE PROMISE HE SAW IN HER THAT ENCOURAGED HIM TO MARRY. A ONE-WAY STREET IS NAMED ‘ENTITLED’. A TWO-WAY STREET IS CALLED ‘COMPATIBLE’. Gaining the fulfillment of being a husband and provider as well as gaining the sexual and ego fulfillment of getting an endless supply of beauties naked and playing out their sexual fantasies for them. Because they are able to do it from the privacy of their own home. When? during that 3o min pretty time for one. And any other free second they can find. They can take their phone into the bathroom and cheat with someone in china before a wife could even suspect they’d been in there too long.

      Yes I know character and honesty and integrity is they key. But that is why I have lost all hope. Would you consider it normal to be approached by over 500 men and not find one of them who has any?

      I agree with everything you say and why it works. I know this is the way god intended it to be. But Satan also had a plan and if men are already getting sex for nothing. How much can any one woman teach them or mold them when this is not only what they have learned to be accustomed to but are also addicted to? IF THE RIGHT WOMAN CAN’T, WHO CAN OR WHO EVEN HAS AN INTEREST? I understand the draw of it porn for men but that doesn’t change why me and many other beautiful women with a huge capacity to love nurture and bring fulfillment to men. Are still single due to not finding men whose hearts are not already consumed by their lusts. It seems men are already molded and formed long before they even have sex for the first time. With a real woman that is. The mind and our biology are powerful forces on their own. What can women do in this case? EXPAND THEIR RELATIONSHIP EXPERTISE. BECOME BETTER WOMEN, WIVES, MOTHERS, GRANNIES, FRIENDS, DATES, FIANCES, BRIDES, AND OTHER ADMIRABLE CHARACTERS THAT MEN VIEW AS PRECIOUS AND PROMISING CREATURES. NOTE THAT I DIDN’T MENTION LOVERS BECAUSE WOMEN ARE NOT LOVERS IN THE MALE HEART AND MIND.

      I really appreciate your time and your response to my previous questions. I know this may be out of your league or era. I so long for a time when things were like you say. It just feels like men and women have been stripped of their power to do anything do to technology and the cyber sex it brings with it. It’s so hard to find a man who isn’t already being conditioned by sexual pursuits of women. I now just hide from men because I am so tired of attracting them because i remind them of their porno. I no longer fear the men who are just after sex. I fear the men who are looking for marriage expecting a cure for their addiction to lust. Expecting to find the impossible. If men don’t have the natural ability to love beyond their weakness of being controlled and manipulated by women and their own libido’s. How can a man overcome all the female beauty and sexuality and flirtatious hints provoking him to go for it 24 hours a day 7 days a week from the multi billion dollar industry being shoved in their face from the time they hit puberty? HOW? WITH SELF-RESPECT, SELF-DISCIPLINE, DEVOTION TO ONE WOMAN, DEDICATION TO DOING THE RIGHT THING, AND EARNING SELF-ADMIRATION IN MANY OTHER WAYS. There are countless women who have waited til marriage only to find that the man they made wait to prove himself worthy of her. To find him impotent to even have sex with her when he can because he is not accustomed to a sex with a real modest demure woman. WOMEN CAN SOLVE THAT PROBLEM. LET THEM START A CAMPAIGN PREACHING HOW PORN CAUSES IMPOTENCY. THERE SEEMS TO BE MANY WIVES WHO CAN TESTIFY. HERE’S A SLOGAN: ‘VIAGRA JUST ISN’T ENOUGH, IS IT HOT SHOT?’

      • Stephanie

        No Viagra isn’t enough. That’s why they use porn. It works every time. Those are women in porn. Granted not the sort of women that the majority of women can look like. But still real to the beholder. That is what is shaping men’s ideas on what a real woman is. That is what they are looking for. Their conscience is seared and so they have no moral character left. There are women who have started campaigns against it. But it’s to accessible and considered normal now. There are thousands of websites online for women who are married to porn addicts. It’s also the leading cause of divorce. When a man is being the provider he assumes it’s his right. It’s so easy to hide. Yes I know a man with character wouldn’t do this. But with men raised on pornography how does a woman find a man of character? Their extinct.

    • Stephanie

      Yes women can lust too. But if we flirt we are considered disrespecting our man. I feel the same way. It’s a matter of respect. It is possible to keep your thoughts in check. It’s a habit. One that I believe men should get into just as much as women or why would a woman even want a man? It really just comes down to choosing the right man I guess. Unfortunately all there is left to choose from are psychopathic narcissistic porn addicts. At least that is the only type of men I attract. The goof men all go for the girl next door type and I’m not that type so I attract all the delusional perverts because I remind them of their porno. Even as much as they may try and do change. It’s just not enough without the moral character to begin with. Not when porn is now in control of their drive and there for their moral outcome. Hoe sad is that? The women that are molding men in our society are porn stars. It’s a multi billion dollar industry and no one even realizes what its doing. They call it natural. Because it is just men following their nature. Its the women in porn that are destroying everything. Porn is not going anywhere either. There will not be a next generation at this point.

  9. Personally I think flirting and teasing should only be done with your spouse. Some people think it’s okay to do it with others. I don’t agree with that and that’s just my opinion. It just makes me think of the verse that says don’t awaken love before it’s time. I know it talks about not pursuing someone at the wrong time but I think this is part of it.

    Sir or Madam,
    Very interesting. I like your thinking and I found the source of “don’t awaken love before it’s time.” It’s taken from Song of Solomon 8:4. Your tie in to flirting and teasing is challenging. Thanks.
    Guy

    • Stephanie

      Don’t awaken love with those your not married to more like it. Cheating starts in the heart. Where does the first spark of love start between anyone? Is it impossible to ask that married men not try to spark that by flirting? What is the difference between that and lust?

  10. Stephanie

    Oh and just to note. I didn’t mean i don’t care if my man cheats. I would not want to ever talk to him ever again in more of an appropriate statement then I’d want to talk if he did. I’m just saying if he wants to so badly then he may as well be doing it. Maybe it’s just me but I have a hard time being grateful for a man who has asked me to commit my heart and he is still in hunt mode flirting with other women. Just as I think most men would feel disrespected if I was still flirting with in hopes they take chase. Why start process that should have ended when the commitment to protect was made? Is it not the heart we are protecting? It’s surely not from other men if this were the case. I’m more of the mentality if you want her go get her and let me find someone who wants me.

    As for the pornography thing. I know it’s really no different other than women just need to be even more cautious. Aware that just because you are making him wait for sex doesn’t mean he is actually waiting. He still has to prove he is worthy. A man who gets his sexual needs met online will never be worthy of my body. He’s not entitled to both. It’s just sad to so many men unable to even comprehend what that means let alone be able to do it. Everything they have been doing in an attempt to get the love/sex they think will make them happy is instead the thing that keeps them from every getting it. Times have changed. I’m sure there are still some good men left out there. But they are very hard to find when having to try to weed through so many who have completely lost sight of what love or women even are. It just doesn’t seem right to attract so many men but only because you remind them or their porno and realize that they aren’t even capable let alone willing to do what it takes to prove themselves worthy because they are getting their needs sufficed so much easier. I’m not losing faith in winning a man’s heart and soul I am losing faith in finding a man with a heart and soul left to win. It’s not right one should lose al self respect when not even having sex with men just from the daily reminders that that sex is what they view you as and the only reason you attract them. I wan’t to be the girl next door not the girl who makes men go delusional and sick in the head. Not the girl who draws out every pervert and window peeper within a fifty mile radius. Maybe I just missed where a mans heart and soul enters into this picture at all. A woman’s morals? You mean he loves that a woman can actually love him and not want to every other man just the same? Ok so why do we love him? The way I see it is if I had a mans heart and soul he wouldn’t really wan’t to keep hunting now would he? He would want to protect the love had would he not?

    • Porn notwithstanding, which is a whole other dialogue, much truth lies in the link I posted above under Catherine’s response. It was sent to me today by a truly, beautiful woman who I am lucky enough to have in my life. Real beauty trumps “hot” to a real man every day, every time!

      • anonymous

        I don’t see a link under Catherine’s response but I am intrigued. Would you be so kind as to repost it?

        Your Highness Anonymous,
        I can’t ID just what you want. Specifics, please?
        Guy

    • Just curious. What is your opinion as to the initial popularity and growth and then gradual demise of Playboy magazine? Was it the true physical nature of men being satisfied in some new, unconventional way? Was it the award-winning “journalism?” Was it the perceived inadequacies of women by men? Was it the need for fantasy in a man’s life?

      Is there a difference between a subscription to Playboy (or Playgirl) magazine (the first of which dates back to the 1950’s) and a man or woman who watches porn 50 years later? Just curious.

      • Stephanie

        The gradual demise came from internet porn for free at the anonymous click of a button. It fills a mans need for sex for security for intimacy. Yes it’s all through fantasy. But that fantasy is made a biological reality through porn. What the eye see’s the mind perceives. The only difference 50 years later is that it;s live in action women. Now days its even interactive with web cams. Its beautiful women acting all sickly sweet telling men how great perfect and wanted they are. When their wives have actual needs and feelings and are real. They can’t compete with the fantasy he is getting in reality online. But the overall need to escape into fantasy as to not have to be vulnerable and have risk. That is the same. It kept men from forming intimate relationships then and now. It’s so hard to tell too because it’s all in their mind. Yet men are good at saying what they need to and even doing what they need to. But there is that one major part that is missing and you can’t figure out why it never comes. It only comes when its the wife molding the man through his sex drive not the porn. Men don’t fully dedicate themselves to a woman when their getting sex elsewhere. It’s too powerful of a force. At least with playboy it was seen as something bad. Now the worst filth in t he world is seen as unnatural not to do.

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