Teasing makes a woman smile and thereby prettier. Flirting makes a woman show an interest in the face that makes her highly attractive. Those results reward men. They feel good for having energized her that way.
Men test at flirting and play at teasing to confirm that their ability to attract female attention doesn’t wane. God designed, Nature endows, and hormones energize them for life. Real men do both but you’ll notice that young men flirt more and old men tease more. They all need confirmation when opportunities arise to prove their ability. Or, they just want to feel good.
Women know how to read it when men flirt and tease. But modern women are sometimes wrong, take the simple way out, and seem to have lost the art of taking advantage.
Men flirt and tease for two reasons that sometimes combine into a third. They want to feel good. They want something from a woman. They want both. All are natural to the male nature but women doubt the first reason can ever be exclusive or sincere.
The female nature intuitively knows when a man flirts or teases as lead-in to getting something from her. Females learn early in life to both spot and deal with it.
The womanly dilemma comes when a man’s motivation is not so obvious. She can’t really tell if he wants something, but she suspects it and acts accordingly. Modern women consequently consider all flirting and teasing as early warning sign of invitation to sex. They miss much of the fun of life among two genders.
Many married men tease and some even flirt. With good cause, wives object to husband flirting. With poor cause, women profile men—married, single, and old—as always in pursuit of sex. Many more honorable married men exist than credited among women.
Women have an innate bias against teasing and flirting. Emotional fidelity means more to women than sexual fidelity. They see emotional infidelity as precursor to unfaithfulness and both as threat of abandonment.
Not so with men. They believe sexual fidelity is everything. Emotional infidelity is neither perceivable nor all that important unless it leads to sexual infidelity.
More realistic judgments can provide more fun in our two-gender life. Women can have more fun if they can moderate their doubts about men and credit them with more honorable if not totally innocent motivations.
I can’t get enough of it when older men (like at least 15 years older, so there’s no romantic possibilities) tease me. I’m magnetized by it; the more they tease me, the more I like to be around them. But not so with younger men around my age. I still like it then but not nearly as much as with older men. Originally I thought I just like the attention, but if it were, wouldn’t it make more sense for me to like it when younger men (of possible romantic interest) tease me more? Any ideas?
Your Highness Anonymous,
My guess is that caution makes you hesitant because you may do the wrong thing in front of men with potential interest in you. You don’t want to mistakenly give up the slightest edge of control over whatever might develop. It’s called intuition.
Guy
“They see emotional infidelity as precursor to unfaithfulness….”
Is there a difference between emotional infidelity and unfaithfulness?
I can’t say all flirting/teasing is in direct pursuit of sex. There is an undeniable natural chemistry between male and female that does not respect age, marital status, etc. But what else is undeniably natural is our proclivity to sin. Dare I say, “nature” and “sin” are interchangeable. Enter the slippery slope (obviously not confined to sex).
Now, do I think the sweet old married man bantering with me in line at McDonald’s is trying to bed me? No, because I hope, in that exchange, we both exemplify many of the facts you’ve written here, Sir Guy. But I stop far short of crediting any line between us drawn (or deemed irrelevant) to his being an honorable man, or me being an honorable woman. Without the burden of Jesus Christ in our sinful heart and the consequences of life, all any of us would do would be have fun, i.e., sleep, eat, and have sex. There is none who does good, no, not one. I think good deeds are possible; we just can’t take credit for them, as contrary as that is to the natural human ego and all the nuances and double standards distinguishing male and female.
“Modern women consequently consider all flirting and teasing as early warning sign of invitation to sex. They miss much of the fun of life among two genders.”
Does “the fun of life among two genders” fall under any of these categories: the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, the pride of life (cue buzzkill).
There is no such thing as a modern man/woman, only modern means to the same old end. We’re all capable of all sins, same ones since the beginning of time. I don’t advocate taking all flirting/teasing as an invitation to sex or assigning motives to someone’s behavior, but I do advocate guarding your heart and fleeing lust. (I confess I would do very well to heed the Bible’s commands on this.)
I know I’m just preaching, and I know it’s terribly unsexy, but every aspect of life points to God. Maybe nothing highlights our need for God more than our pride. Lust, etc., drowns the “honorable” man the same as the dishonorable”, because the distinction is fiction. Fueling lust, especially, is not a risk to be taken or compared with other ventures. It’s something to flee. Again, I do well to heed the commands, myself.
But nice article nonetheless.
Your Highness Lora,
“Is there a difference between emotional infidelity and unfaithfulness?”
Answer: For women and according to the bible, they are identifiably different. For the nature of males, emotional fidelity is insignificant relative to unfaithfulness.
“Does ‘the fun of life among two genders’ fall under any of these categories: the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, the pride of life…?”
Answer: Yes, of course, but that’s not all. How about enjoyment of Self, others, and interaction that leads to smiles, laughter, and developing friendships? Lust and pride don’t flood every interaction.
Guy
["A]ccording to the bible, they are identifiably different.”
Matthew 5:8, Ecclesiastes 5:18, Ephesians 5:25. Of course, in Matthew Christ is talking about looking at a woman with lust, but is that to the exclusion of purely emotional affairs? I’m skeptical that a purely emotional affair exists without a lustful element, but even if it does, I’m not sure it fits in the scheme of loving your wife as Christ loves the church, or, for a woman, submitting to and obeying your husband.
“Lust and pride don’t flood every interaction.”
lol.
Your Highness Lora,
I’m unsure of what you’re claiming. However, let me offer this. I’m 80 years old and you’re somewhere on the younger side. I sure appreciate your interest and comments in the blog. I sense no lustful connection nor can I even imagine it happening were we to meet face to face. Emotional connections can be sustained without lust entering the picture, unless of course you define emotional as lustful.
Guy
Sir Guy,
I enjoy this blog and your effort and have learned much. I appreciate that you’ve been a sinner far longer than I have. Though younger, my resume is just as full of pride/vanity/lust. It’s a subject on which we all are experts. (Break one law, break them all.)
I don’t necessarily disagree with you about the different genders’ motivations for flirting. You write at length here about human nature. So does the Bible. As Adam’s offspring, the heart of everything we do is pride/lust/vanity.
My claim may be just an admonition to watch it with flirting, as with everything else. (Captain obvious here, admittedly younger and inexperienced too.) Your responses seemed to indicate, with a wink and anod to nature and double standards and stuff, that there is a brand of person conditioned to hypersexualize everything, even something like innocent flirts from an “honorable” person. Respectfully,
as I said in previous comments, I doubt the purity of those premises.
My youth and inexperience – or, reversely – your age and experience does nothing to
excuse the demands of the Bible. Good luck to any of us living up to it, which is why we need a Savior. That’s just the singular point to life, and worth contending for, which is what women and (men) never hear.
I’ve appreciated this dialogue.
I’m wondering if perhaps flirt is the wrong word for the interactions some of us have with the opposite sex.
I have a number of male friends who I joke with, compliment and pay attention to. The thought of having sex with them doesn’t cross my mind. I just enjoy making them smile. Some of them are young and haven’t had great experiences with women their age and I think my ministrations give them a little hope in their sometimes lonely lives. It eases my loneliness as well. I’ll bet when Mary and Martha had Jesus to dinner, they smiled at Him, spoke nicely to Him and even paid Him compliments. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with that.
Teasing acts like glue which connects humans together in a safe and positive manner (within reason that is). It gratifies masculinity in a male and confirms comeliness in a female. It also opens up the door for generic conversation.
One thing I have learnt from my moments of slipping up: according to the Christian faith, Jesus gave up his perfect position in heaven and stooped to our level. Why? Because he wanted to reach us and there was no other way. Exploring the depths of the sea as mentioned in Psalms is also a place where Gods love is. If we cannot be separated from his love, no matter how we stuff things up or think we are unforgivable wretches, God loves us, the people behind the facades that we wear. Ultimately we are all tainted by the rust of sin. How that presents itself from person to person differs dramatically. The important thing is remembering that God is our judge. He knows us better than we do ourselves. With that in mind we can defer our preconceptions about others and love more abundantly. I think that’s truly awesome!
true,it depends upon whom is teasing you and what the relationship is between you. it could be innocent or a prelude to something else. in ks
Your Highness Page,
Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
Guy
nic
EDITOR’S NOTE: Not sure what John intended to say but he may come back to tell us.
Guy
Your post intrigues me.
Will have to show the post to my husband and get his opinion. Thank you, Sir Guy.
It’s good to show appreciation for r people and compliment them on their appearance etc. if its just to make them feel good which in turn makes you feel good. Even in a relationship, doesn’t mean I can be nice and playful with other people as long it’s not for sex or physical. It’s all about the persons intentions, when I think about it there’s a difference between romantic love and just showing love (not physically). Sometimes nowadays just smiling and being nice, and gentle towards someone is taken as flirting, like everyone has to be so so to another unless they want something. They can’t just be nice or it’s sexism, or trying to get something…
But we are changing and some people are just naturally friendly like that or soft and caring. Men always call me gentle (what does that mean) even though I’m quite athletic–I’m soft spoken though, and more quiet, and simple-hearted.<33 Except in writing or arts (more complex), kind of makes some men re-evaluate me most like it though and think I'm smart and look at me with wide eyes like where did this come from. I'm 15 and a tomboy in dress, to make up for my personality and didn't want to be seen as too too vulnerable…(and I'm lazy) but now I'm changing…any advice on feminine clothe for teens, it's a little hard these days…some are too showy for me.
“Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive. Exclusivity is not the love of God but the "love" of ego. However, the intensity with which true love is felt can vary. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others, and if that person feels the same toward you, it can be said that you are in a love relationship with him or her. The bond that connects you with that person is the same bond that connects you with the person sitting next to you on a bus, or with a bird, a tree, a flower. Only the degree of intensity with which it is felt differs.”
-Eckhart Tolle
Re: feminine clothes for a teen:Why dress as a “teen” at all? Dress as the lady that you are! Go to a nice dept store, grab all kinds of things you would “never wear” but which look feminine, soft, pretty, etc. Then just try them on and see what you think looks *beautiful.* (or fill in the blank with another word that inspires you. I like the word “lovely.”) Either way, I think you will know it when you see it. Then never leave your bathroom in the morning until you look like that word to yourself.
Thank you so much!!
)
“Why dress as a “teen” at all? Dress as the lady that you are!” – Anne
I agree.
Some additional thoughts: Many of us wish we had Sir Guy’s blog when we were 15.
He’s incredibly brilliant and brave, with handy tips for helping ladies. Post #897, Guy’s Recipe for Makeover, has an action plan ready to induce apparel changes.
This time in your life is great to define your style and perhaps harmonize modest and extreme. Even just wearing a skirt can be quite radical in some environments, but you can practice finding the way to maintain “accessibility” so your style of dressing doesn’t freak people out. Once you find the right tone, masculine respect makes you far better than “popular” or “trendy”.
Instead of freaking people out, you lead them when they see you receiving manly respect. Also, wearing different clothing over time may create behavioral changes. How you appear when you first try something on may be different than when you’ve worn it for six months because people seem to develop ways to match what they wear with special movements and attitude. Gliding while wearing a lovely skirt is different than walking along with jeans on. 
Thank you!!
And I love the last part the most “gliding while wearing a lovely skirt is different than walking along in jeans” Lol, that was funny! 
You are most welcome. I’m glad you are here.
i just have one question sir guy and I hope you’d hear this out… why can’t a guy walk away from a girl who’s obviously flirting with him? thanks a lot.
Your Highness Jamfong,
Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
He’s a hunter-conqueror by nature, and a flirt is a prospect for conquest. Her appeal won’t go away even if conviction to monogamous commitment prevails and he walks away. Until he forgives himself for falling victim to his nature, he’s not likely to forget it either. Ask your pastor or priest how they remain faithful.
Guy