As a single woman, you face a gigantic flip flop. Before the altar, you have to get him to make you the most important person in his life. After marriage, you have to reverse that in his mind; he then has to become the most important person in your life. Nature drives this apparently unfair irony after marriage: You can’t be number one to him without first making him number one to you. (You may marry the exception. It usually requires a man’s puppy love-like devotion to you, and that seems to get rarer with each generation.)
He can allow for kids to take up your time and effort, so long as his kingly reign isn’t threatened. He may even tolerate something less than full regard for his lofty position after he’s made a humongous mistake, but it won’t last. He expects his recovery and your forgiveness to reinstate his crown.
You should plan how you will work this game: The more successful wife learns to gently soften over time both her husband’s hardheadedness and hardheartedness. Somewhere, buried in your female nature, you will find the way to do it as long as you remain dedicated to earning happiness in marriage. (Happiness flows from one’s gratitude.)
Men crave the substance of everything, but symbols often satisfy. So, you have great latitude to make everything fit together, but it takes immense patience and feminine charm to harmonize home life.
Actually, husband should easily acknowledge that he’s second to God in your pantheon of heroes. You’re much better off teaming with a man that lives up to God. If Mr. Good Enough does, he should be much more promising as a brightener of your future and fulfiller of your hopes and dreams.
Faith has no vacuum; it’s always full of something. If not full of God whose expectations and standards are uplifting, then men live up to what’s easier, simpler, and less pleasing to women and children. Namely, less than perfect for you and often less than admirable in a man. Such as, unpredictable and unwanted behaviors generated by narcissism, selfishness, self-hatred, cultism, ideology, rule of man, witchcraft, sports, adventurism, sex, pop culture, adolescence, infidelity, or you name it.
Living up to God brings a man closer to you and your interests. You can expect that husband living up to other interests, such as those mentioned just above, takes his interests away from you unless you join him and also give up living up to God’s expectations.
Life’s big secret about living up to the expectations of God and husband is more about trying with best effort than always achieving success. Moms eventually learn it firsthand with children, but adults stumble easily because they reach for perfection.
We know that children do it, but most of us live up to what we admire and wish to duplicate. We also avoid what we fear. God has a good supply of both described in His instruction manual that challenges even the very best of us to rise above ourselves. You need to keep it in mind as you screen men and as you evaluate each Mr. GoodEnough. If husband won’t live up to something above himself, and it has to be admirable to you, then he won’t rise up to fully produce, provide, protect, and problem solve for you.