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Some women offer unmarried sex after little more than chit-chat. After marriage they long for or complain about lack of foreplay and intimacy.
- She marries but retains her maiden name to show independence. Two ill effects follow: Husband senses a weakened hold on his woman. Other men read it as weak attachment to husband. (She may not be worth hitting on, but husband’s not above losing the respect of other men.)
- In the early marriage years, the absence of husband’s compliments about her appearance may mean she appears common or worse. He married neither.
- Not regularly reminding and capturing her man’s attention with her appearance frees up his hunting eyes to focus on targets more appealing.
- Mothers teach or guide daughters about safe sex, expect them to experiment, and ignore the importance that deferred gratification adds to the maturing process. Fathers harbors contrary feelings.
- Mom makes herself feel good. She continually feeds her child over-embellished sweet-talk to proclaim the child numero uno. It’s easy. Unconditional love is powerful, and she just expresses it. Child has fewer faults compared to husband/father, and perhaps none that mother can see. But it threatens the father, because the kid grows up with an attitude to defy the king.
1622. Friendly Reminders — #34
Filed under Dear daughter
Dear Sir Guy, I have a question… Does the second bullet apply to women who keep their maiden name for reasons other than independence? For example, women who stem from old families are oftentimes expected to keep their surname and pass it on to their children. It’s a question of tradition, and honoring their elders. Would such a reason have the same effect on a husband?
Your Highness Wanderer fantasie,
No one outside the family knows why she keeps her maiden name, so most men presume its her feminist leanings. I see the effect among husband’s associates as being no different. Traditionally, the family name was carried forward in first or middle names of children. Elders may expect but do they deserve to be honored the way THEY want? What else does her family expect out of husband in his marriage?
I wrote, “Husband senses a weakened hold on his woman.” If she keeps her maiden name to honor family elders, doesn’t it further weaken his sense of her belonging strictly to him?
Guy
Thank you for your reply, Sir Guy
As you might have guessed, I’m not speaking hypothetically, but about myself. I’m nowhere near marriage, but I like to work things out in advance. I see what are you trying to say – and it makes sense – but perhaps I haven’t been forthright enough. I live in another part of the world, and things here are a bit different than in the States. No one bats an eyelash if a woman keeps her maiden name… provided that the surname is one of those famous ones. Here, we all know which families are old, noble, or distinguished in any sense, so saying one of those surnames is reason enough for keeping it and passing it on. I guess it’s one of those cultural differences… We don’t have middle names here either.
Your Highness Wanderer fantasie,
Culture makes a difference, but the nature of men and women doesn’t change. Men in your society have learned to live with it. It doesn’t follow that they prefer it. In our culture, keeping her maiden name flies in the face of the rugged individualism that many American men still proudly live.
Guy
I’ve seen some parents give BOTH names to their children IF they are short for ex. John Doe Jane Smith—their children would be John or Jane Smith-Doe..would that be ‘ok’ or is the family a little awkward—written Mr & Mrs John and Jane Smith-Doe
Your Highness Boomer Babe,
I’m strongly against parents saddling their children with unusual, awkward, easy-to-misspell or names too long that turn signatures into heavy labor. But then, many parents obviously disagree.
Guy