1639. Recapture the Dumper

Her Highness E. at post 1638 inquired about this. “What is the best way to get a man back into your life after he has made a decision not to continue the courtship/dating process?”

The best way comes in three steps. Examine yourself, get his attention, and re-magnify his interest.

1. Examine yourself. Figure out if he’s really worth bringing back into your life. Are you convinced that he did, can, or will make himself worthy of you? If yes, then ask yourself this question: “Did or can he find in me promise for his bright future? Not what I promise him, but just the promise he sees in me that would likely inspire him to try again?”
2. Get his attention. Never acknowledge to him that you were hurt. Prove that you’re neither desperate nor sorry for his having dropped you. Manage for him to see you dressed much, much, much more attractively and acting more independent and fun-filled than last he saw you. Don’t make eye contact unless he greets you. Then, smile with plenty of eye contact, greet as you would a stranger, and proceed pleasantly with whatever enables you to ignore him. If he doesn’t greet you, ignore him and never make eye contact. Your only hope is that he will reconsider earlier decisions, take a new look, and revive his interest—all on his own.
3. Re-magnify his interest. If he shows any interest, then start over as if you never knew him before. Proceed as if you never dated. Mystery pays off for you. Treat him as if it’s your first contact. Don’t ask what went wrong. Don’t pry as to his intentions then or now. If he inquires about your past relationship, offer the absolute minimum response without explaining or alibiing for yourself. Don’t complain either. Smile throughout the encounter. You don’t need to answer all his questions. For example, he asks if you’re still dedicated to withholding sex until marriage. Just smile and change the subject or walk away.

If he shows renewed interest, pledge yourself to virtual virginity (whether you had sex before or not). Treat him as a new man in your life and react in ways that keep him guessing about your expectations. Your only hope lies with his concluding you’re very different and more promising than the gal he dated earlier. You may never know why he dropped you in the first place, so quit trying to figure it out. Let him see that it was a mistake, whatever his reason.

Finally, in my opinion, it’s wasted effort. A fresh start is superior. It’s far easier for a lady to attract attention and interest without having to overcome the dark cloud of sourness that pervades every dumped woman. She may not yet know how to show it. Or, perhaps the dumper couldn’t appreciate it. But, she’s far better as both person and woman than the message his departure sent.

About these ads