Her Highness Simplicity Evermore, a college junior, described lessons she learned on campus. It will interest many, disappoint mothers, stir dads’ anger, and inform college bound girls what to expect. It’s unusually long but especially worthy of discussion between parents and daughters.
She set her theme by quoting the next two paragraphs from my article 1645.
“In fact, refusing to yield sex in college makes girls unpopular but it earns respect, which is a much better investment for her virtue and marital opportunities. If appreciated as if she earned it, respect helps girls mature in college and colors them valuable as marriage prospects. They mature sooner than college boys do and especially sooner than female peers participating in boys’ games of sexual adventurism.
“Respect earned by refusing sex doesn’t mean boys will act as if she’s respected, because their buddies are watching. Campus and especially frat boys compete with each other, and girls are the chips that boys gamble with. (You’ve probably heard of girls being called ‘chippies’.)”
Then Simplicity Evermore got down to the business of describing campus life in words we can all understand. Except for a little typo editing and adding my comments in brackets, she wrote as follows.
I want to throw in my two cents and I am not going to mince words. This woman [cited as new college student in post 1645] will need a strong network of support if she is going to go into college without giving away free sex. Unpopular and disrespected are very nice terms about what she will encounter at college. I am a junior in college, and I have been subscribing to and practicing Sir Guy’s blog for about two years. I am not an expert, but I do speak from experience. While it is true that some young men WILL respect a girl, because she withholds sex, demonstrates strong self-respect and upholds Judeo-Christian values, most people (male and female alike) will not. In fact, I find that Contempt is the coin of the realm.
Most young men will fall into two categories:
Pretty Boys:
These are the worst. I have seconded them as Lady-Killers, because they destroy women. They disrespect all women because they are incapable of self-respect. (People cannot give what they don’t have and/or never learned.) Showered in their own self-contempt these young men believe themselves to be God’s gift to women. They are usually good looking, have LOTS of girlfriends/female admirers, nice cars, and are popular. I also find that in general, fraternity boys fit this category. They will not respect you under any circumstances, may travel in packs of two or three men (or one man and several women) and LOOK for women to disrespect. BEWARE fraternity guys.
Fraternities are developing a reputation for making up databases on freely available women and hunting those women. It sounds extreme. For some it can be. But if your ‘street-rep’ gets to be that you are a ‘virgin’ you will be harassed on some level by somebody. And it isn’t just the guys. Pretty Boys like to set their Jealous Girlfriends on you. (And Jealous Girlfriends HATE virgins.)
Tips to Deal with Pretty Boys:
Ignore them, (You will learn to spot them, like you can spot the difference between a dog and a cat. So don’t worry about finding them. They will find you eventually, anyway.) the less attention you give them, the happier you will be. They read EVERYTHING as interest because they expect it, and they get it from MRS [described below] and Jealous Girlfriend. To them, all interested women are needy self-disrespecting women and therefore, worthy of the highest contempt. Take and discard is their attitude about women.
Make them work for every scrap of attention they get. (I make them work just to say “hello”.)
Avoid them if you can–They bring trouble like flies on a carcass. The harder they have to work, the less likely they will interact with you.
Travel in groups of women. (Preferably like-minded, but those are hard to find, so I will talk about the “Human Shield” under types of women.) I always hang out with my girlfriends, or find a group of girls to sit with in the cafeteria at lunch.
Remember what they look like. Pretty Boys are very good at sexual harassment and space invasion. **Write it down and report it.** Being repeatedly harassed by a bunch of guys stinks. Especially when they know your class times.
Have a campus-police friend. Police are your friends. They make nice phone contacts.
Change where you sit in class. Sitting with your girlfriends and other girls in “your spot” is great. But sometimes pesty people like to sit behind someone to hassle them. Never sit with guys. They take it as entitlement.
Avoid the back 3 rows in class. In fact, be a Front Row Sitter. All the people who do obnoxious things because they like to waste daddy’s money sit in the back of class. They have “cliques” back there and WILL heckle people just to make them move.
The Disinterestedly Apathetic Male:
His attitude: “You are way too much work. I will hang out with these girls over here.” Not a marriage candidate. Not a friend candidate. He’s out for sex, or a good time or something, but he’s not as voracious as the Pretty Boy. My estimate is that he wants friendly female attention a bit more than he wants sex. However, he wants to LOOK like he’s getting sex. (So his guy friends will think he’s cool.) So the modest, hard-to-get female won’t get his attention because she’s not scantily clad enough. He’s harmless, provided he doesn’t develop a crush on you or anything. The biggest two problems this man poses are disappointment, and the Jealous Girlfriend.
He’s disappointing and discouraging because we as ladies like to have a bit of friendly male attention. (He’s not bad enough to be undesirable, but not good enough to step up to the plate. Hence the disappointment.) So I want to put in a word here: College is NOT the place for male attention. It is a place to soak up good times with your girlfriends, study hard, and have female adventures. It’s so easy to say “I don’t want male attention.” It’s a LOT harder to stick with your girlfriends and have a good attitude about all the cute little ladies in their skimpy outfits with five guys hanging on their arms or the pesty, pesty disrespectful boys. Especially if your girlfriends aren’t like-minded.
Tips to Deal with the Disinterestedly Apathetic Male:
Have a LOT of female company. You should spend time with ladies as much as you can, doing girly-girl things.
Spend time with your dad.
A word to Dads:
Dads, this is a really critical time for your counter-cultural daughter. She needs to feel beautiful, wanted, desirable, valued and loved. It’s bad enough out here at college to make it on my own and struggle with these things.
As a woman whose father is not-as-involved-as-she-would-like, I just want to put in: I think He’s the best Dad in the whole world. I just want to point out that it’s a very, very hard struggle to go it alone when the guys are putting you down for who you are and the girls are non-supportive or derogatory. It was even harder when the girls started to not want to hang out with me because so many guys were talking about my hard-to-getness that it made the girls crazy. DO NOT underestimate the amount of peer-pressure out there. It is TREMENDOUS. Your daughter NEEDS a good church, good friends, and ABOVE ALL an involved dad. PLEASE sit down and ask her what she needs you to do to give her friendly male attention. I suggest that your daughter sit down, and write a list of what she thinks she will need from you (A short list, ladies. ~_^) and talks with you about those things over time as her college life changes. I have seen too many girls fall to the boyfriend-solution. That is a bad replacement for an involved father.
The Good Man:
These are really rare and hard to find. But if a woman sticks to her beliefs long enough she will find a handful of these. I have found a few, and they are worth having. They want to hang out with girls (just to be friends!) have fun doing constructive things, and thereby support you in your efforts. They’re a bit shy, and it takes them time to decide if they want to be friends, but when they do they’re like brothers. They make all the pain worth it.
Most women fall into two categories:
Here to get my M.R.S. Degree:
This is the average girl. She’s not catty, but she’s single and looking. She is not supportive because she’s so busy trying to get married that any male in the immediate vicinity has precedence over anything else happening. It sounds crazy but it’s true. Unless you employ her as the Human Shield, you will find yourself competing with the men in the room to keep her attention at lunch, or forcing the conversation away from it’s naturally recurring subject of men.
The Human Shield:
The girlfriend comes first. Do what she likes to do (within reason) and basically just treat her like a good friend. Let her do ALL the talking. (Cuts down on gossip and minimizes the damage of Jealous Girlfriend, who I will talk about later.) The more she talks about, the less I need to. In fact, if I can find a non-male-species subject she likes to talk about, I’ll just get her talking on that and keep her talking. When I get three or more of them talking together, I usually just sit back, listen, and enjoy the conversation. Since she likes guys, I can let her intercept all the male company that comes my way. She will want to talk their ear off anyway, because she’s trying to get married, so this gives me an opportunity to assess the character of the male in question. In addition, because M.R.S. Degree is usually dressed a little bit more flashily than I am, I can see what the male’s goals are. Be WARNED: The Male will generally spend his time with my girlfriend, more than with me. Again, a girl cannot go into college expecting to get quality male attention. Basically, that’s all there is to the human shield. If the Male actually does manage to get away from her and talk to me, then I will usually get him to pay for it by answering a question, keep the interaction short, and walk away.
The Jealous Girlfriend:
I think this is what happens when M.R.S. gets desperate or dumped too many times. This girl is trouble. She OWNS her man and will harass another if he so much as looks her friend’s way. In the Jealous Girlfriend’s eyes, her boyfriend is capable of no wrong. It’s my fault if he flirts with me, compares her to me, or uses me as some kind of leverage against her. (Granted he’s disgusting enough to do that with any other woman, it just happens to be My Lucky Day that day.) Boyfriend tends to use Jealous Girlfriend’s jealousy to manipulate her anyway he can. She is self-disrespecting and will stand on her head for him. Finding this girl is not hard. Like Pretty Boy she is easily distinguishable. She’s a bit harder to avoid than Pretty Boy though, because she’s a tad more obsessive than him. She likes to talk about how wonderful her boyfriend is, or how badly he treats her; the Greatest Relationship Manipulator and Clique former of all time. The really nasty ones usually have four or five girls they hang out with and act with in groups.
Tips on Dealing with Jealous Girlfriend:
Let your girlfriends do the talking. Pretty Boy and Jealous Girlfriend feed off rumors and each other. (Remember the Rule: Every Rumor is True. I have not found one person at college who does not live by that maxim to some degree, yet.) Also, I don’t confide in my girlfriends till I’m sure they don’t gossip.
Make friends slowly or bring your own to college. I take about a year before I call someone my friend. Until then, they’re acquaintances.
The Relationship Tango:
When I have to interact with Jealous Girlfriend and her Boyfriend, she gets all the props. I address only her, and interact with only her. Her boyfriend Does Not Exist, unless he works to earn my attention (at his own risk, of course). In addition, I try to encourage the two persons to stay together, by admiring what they do well for one another, and/or encouraging them to treat each other well. I keep this attitude in mind: If Boyfriend is low enough to pit me against Jealous Girlfriend, then I’ll shame him for treating his girlfriend with so much disrespect. Jealous Girlfriend is more concerned with my assumed desire to steal her boyfriend from her, rather than pitting me against boyfriend.
That has really solved a lot of relationship troubles for me. Remember: Good girlfriends are hard to find; the best one can look for is MRS. I try to treasure everyone as if they were the person I want them to be, but encourage them to become something better.
Also, he who is afraid to lose, loses. There are many social manipulation games out there. Sometimes you have to do something crazy, like risk a relationship just to win out. Don’t be afraid to give up everything and start over. I have lost girlfriends to both Jealous Girlfriend and Pretty Boy. And I have lost guy friends to MRS. Sadly, no one stays around forever.
A girl can’t do it without God and she might not do it without family. But she CAN do it without friends. It really helped me to take the summers off, and to join a growing church in my area. Life is hard, but nothing in life worth having is easy. BE THANKFUL, THANKFUL THANKFUL for everything. The attitude of gratitude really pulls you through on the rough days when nothing goes right. Never be afraid to call home, or never be ashamed of your parents in front of others, no matter how uncool that makes you. Remember equality is another term for popularity, and people rise to their highest level of self-contempt. (Or sink to the lowest common denominator.) Avoid fraternities and sororities as they produce the most Jealous Girlfriends and Pretty Boys.
Sounds like a trip to hell. Sir guy wasn’t kidding when he said college is the Mamma of Social Trials. So I’m going to say something encouraging now: 2 Peter 1:3 His Divine Power has given us everything we need for life and godliness, through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. In two years, despite the hardships I’ve seen some really interesting changes on campus. Word got around and people started obeying my little interaction rules. I started getting personal space, and bits of respect here and there. Granted, I have a lot of enemies and nay-sayers, but I’ve enjoyed what I have earned, and that makes all the pain and received contempt worth it. These experiences have taught me a lot about what makes a good man, and how to stand up for myself; how to deal with sexual harassment; how to handle large groups of people; what self-respect looks like; how much fun I can have all by myself; the pricelessness of naps on campus; and a bit about female recovery. I’ve learned a bit more about modesty that I’d like to share with you too, if I can. It’s a bit more than just sitting with my legs crossed and wearing a t-shirt and jeans; while it may not be readily obvious it’s handy to use.
Modesty: (Or, How to help yourself and all those struggling males.)
Physical Modesty:
I find that it’s really important to squat instead of bending down to reach something. Even though, loose fitting jeans are modest, most cuts still tend to fit a bit tightly around my rump. …and guys like looking at it waving up there in the air. This was brought home even more, watching girls in their super-short-shorts with their rumps waving in the air. If one needs confirmation, take a step back and watch it sometime. This problem can be further avoided by wearing some of the really short shirt-dresses over one’s shirt and jeans. The extra material hides the rump and the way one’s hips sway.
Make-up is really good for hiding the hormonal flush. Guys are less likely to pick on girls if they don’t look red in the face and around the eyes. Make-up can also help keep one’s lips from looking so swollen. I can’t afford make-up (poor college student that I am) so I smile, and purse my lips slightly. Immature college males are really unforgiving about uncaused female hormones; but if I don’t look like I even notice my own, they won’t either! XD Smiling a lot helps anyway because it’s female friendliness; and since I have a habit of smiling at everyone, I don’t look like I’m inviting anyone over. (Dunno if this makes sense. Other bodies may not work like mine. If you need more details I will expound.)
When riding the bike, don’t stand up on it. Standing and riding makes one’s rump look wiggly.
[Soooooo many details, but prevention is worth a pound of cure.]
I don’t ever tell anyone that I’m on my cycle, or when I get it. That sounds really obvious. I had a friend who told people that about hers. It did not go well. Someone found out about mine and some of the frat boys took up a schedule on when they thought I’d get it. The girls at my school have a sign they give the boys when they’re on their cycle. So I used it to confuse everyone by “Being on mine” all the time. (MUAHAHA)
I discovered through reading, that whenever I take off a jacket or put one on I need to face the wall. This tells male observers “My body is not for you.” Same if you stretch and yawn by sticking your chest out, or bend over (your rump should face the wall) instead of squat.
Always hug a male from the side. Never give a full-frontal hug; too many female parts.
Emotional Modesty:
Keep yourself to yourself. Everyone likes it better when I leave divulging my own personal information on a per question basis. It leaves a lot of mystery, and prevents me from having all my secrets and desires hanging out in the open.
I try to let people come to me, rather than seeking people out. Minding my own business has proved to be the greatest people magnet I know. Maybe it’s charisma. Maybe it’s bad luck. Maybe it’s a bit of both. God always brings me the people he wants me to be with, though.
Flirting is an absolute DON’T. Flirting gets a girl in trouble with everyone. I don’t touch my hair unless I’m in the bathroom; never flip my hair at anyone. I DO NOT EVER lick my lips. That is a NASTY form of flirting. (I can’t explain why. A male friend told me, I watch it happen on campus all the time. People try it on me. Didn’t want to experiment and find out why.)
A wise man said flirting is a form of cowardice. Any guy who would flirt with a girl before he’s even interested is messing around with her emotions without any serious intention towards commitment. (Same for girls.)
Don’t dream or fantasize about any relationship with anyone. Hope deferred makes the heart sick; emotional impurity causes disappointment and even the renunciation of values. Nothing is guaranteed until you get it. PRAY over every relationship. If I feel really involved, I’ll tell someone I trust, and make some emotional distance between me and the person I feel involved with.
Don’t hang out with a man alone.
Homework over people. Always.
Take a night a week off for yourself.
Read the bible as often as possible and pray a lot.
Above all: DON”T BE AFRAID TO USE VERBAL FORCE AND SHAME TACTICS.
Don’t hang out at night. Impose your own curfew and keep it.
Don’t Gossip. Don’t Swear. Don’t use Sexual Innuendos. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t Drink.
Don’t EVER let ANY Male touch you for anything other than a handshake or a hug.
Other things one may NOT know about college life:
Don’t go to orgies (massive sexual gatherings), raves, rainbow parties, or play spin the bottle. Fraternities and sororities are known for their drunken sex parties. Don’t go to a frat/sorority rush, or party. Don’t let anyone haze you.
Don’t ever feel like you owe a man anything. When someone says sex is cheap, that is an understatement. At my school people have sex in the study rooms; and a guy can get it for a coke. If anyone owes anything, it’s always the other party owing me.
Bring a map. Seniors like to hassle freshmen, among other ways, by giving them the wrong directions. (Like freshmen really don’t have enough stress.) Freshmen also tend to be the best female targets because no one knows who they’ve slept with yet.
Don’t ever tell anyone you’re a freshman. See above.
In co-ed classes don’t be afraid to be the awkwardly modest female, even if you have to find your very own changing spot. I had to be late to group call, every class, in a certain class, because I was the last one in the changing room, and the last one out. Yes, females WILL make fun of your body AND tell everyone else what it looks like. And guys DO try to find out your bra size.
Guard your heart. Nasty people like to trip up nice little girls.
BEWARE creepy old men.
Leading by example works MUCH better than explaining why.
I know this is a lot. But I hope it helps a little bit. Thank you SO much for taking the time to read, and consider. I hope your daughter has an easier time in college then I’ve had, and a good transition. I know as a Dad, you will support her.
Oh! — I forgot one: Don’t ever tell anyone you’re a virgin. My virginity or lack thereof is a secret, secret, secret.
[Guy adds this: My hat goes off and I extend a grateful handshake to the author. She has provided this blog with an informative essay written brilliantly and made highly valuable to many people.]
Simplicity Evermore
I just want to thank you for this well written and well thought out piece. This info is so necessary for those of us who have college age daughters.I too went to college and I can say you are very right. Nobody likes a good girl who does not party and does not jump in and out of beds. And I can say some days were quite bad but I want to encourage you that God is very merciful and very gracious. Hubby and I will have been married 20 years coming up. I remember when I did not think I would ever get married because it all looked so hopeless, holding out. But today when I see my peers sleeping around and partying in their 40′s and 50′s and getting divorced I remember that yes,God did require of me more but He also provided the means to walk with Him and He was very merciful and gracious to a struggling young woman .He will be to you too. Never give up and always hold on to your values. I can see you already are doing it and I cheer you on and your future hubby will be so proud for the rest of your married lives together to know his wife is pure, good and only his. For those who have made mistakes, God is also very merciful . Never forget if you walk with HIm He will make your paths beautiful!
You are very articulate, Simplicity Evermore. Thank you for taking the time to provide this enlightenment. Your detailed description sounds much worse than I ever imagined. Even if it took longer, would it not be worth the expense, and the exercise of creativity, to seek higher education via a Christian college and/or by combining community college (living at home) and online university studies?
This is amazing! I wish I would have had this guide when I was in college!!!!! Brava to you for so much insight! This should be a book, mandatory for all college women!
As a recent college grad I can echo much of what is articulated here, although I think my experience has been a little less extreme. I’d be interested to know what type of school this young lady attends (I attended a “Catholic” institution that is comprised mainly of well-to-do families but lacks a significant Greek presence).
What I can possibly add to this is that I have not been significantly ridiculed or judged negatively for my silent choice to abstain from the sexual scene on campus — in fact, I think it has garnered a certain level of respect from even the most promiscuous of guys that I happen to know (though they don’t officially know my virgin status). It’s a small campus and the hook up scene is often gossiped about, so by not being a subject of chatter many people may infer.
Although not participating in the sex scene, I did participate in the weekend heavy drinking scene — the two don’t always go hand in hand ( I would like to note though, that the level was probably significantly less than what may be noted at other campuses or state schools). I often justified it by telling myself that at least I wasn’t sleeping around. This is not a great route. While I had a good time and good “clean” fun with good friends, its makes for a lot of lonely nights — you certainly won’t be bringing the drunken frat boy home, but you also miss out on the few good men to be found.
My added thoughts would be this: Obviously, avoid the sex scene first. And yes, a girl can avoid the sex scene and still drink heavily if she has truly strong convictions about her sexuality and virginity. However, students drink heavily in order to engage in the sex scene! Yes, you’ll have some good laughs and funny memories from those drunken nights, but far better to drink in moderation or not at all (surely this is more attractive to good men, anyway) and avoid the loneliness that sets in in your late-night drunken stupor.
Your Highness Recentgrad,
Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
You’re especially right about men. Except for sex, and strictly except for sex, women are never less attractive than when drunk. They can be fun and easy to lay, but they otherwise turn men off and especially the Marrying Man.
Guy
Sir Guy: Wow! Thank you so much for putting my thoughts up there. That was an extremely encouraging gesture. Also thank you for the handshake.^_^
My Lady Marianne: Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I do need all the encouragement/ Prayer I can get. I take satisfaction in the thought that there are a lot of very *coughmiserablecough* Pretty Boys out there who will be sad a long time because they won’t have me; and consolation in the fact that any relationship I have, (as you said) will be a lot better than Jealous Girlfriend’s. It’s also very, very, refreshing to hear there is someone else like me out there who did get married and loves it. XD
My Lady Sharon: I really can’t give you a detailed answer on your question; I can only speak from my limited experience. My situation, is that I live at home (instead of a dorm, thank God) and I ride to school every day. This has saved us some money, and I do, sincerely, believe that if I lived in a dormitory, things would have been a lot worse. There is also a community college, right here. Many of the kids who go to the university also go to this community college, so I can’t say that life would or would not pose similar challenges if one went to a community college. However, being an introvert by nature, I can say that I do think a smaller crowd would be a bit less stressful, and easier to manage. One of the things I am currently seeking wisdom on, is whether to finish my bachelors at the university, or just finish out an associates at the community college, simply because the stress is so great.
I do want to put in a word about Christian Colleges because I think a great many people are under the misinformation that most “Christian” Colleges are better than “Secular” ones. My school is supposed to be a really great Republican/Conservative type school, which was why we chose to go there. Unfortunately, it is very progressive, (though I don’t have a standard of relativity to other progressive schools, by which I could tell you exactly how progressive.)I have done some reading on “Christian” Colleges and I will say that a lot of “Christian” Campuses have become very progressive and teach evolutionary creationism among other things. So while a school might be religious, I can’t say that just because they call themselves “Christian” means they are better; just different. I can’t recommend a sane place to go to school. The only thing I’m thinking might be better would be a vocational school (two years) or an apprenticeship (7 years). But I have no grounds to say for certain, except that vocational schools would be smaller so the stress would be shorter lived. The problems one would face at an apprenticeship should be different because it’s supposed to be one on one. Vocational schools are more expensive monetarily than universities.
As for Online University studies I think they’re a great idea if one is the right kind of person. I have trouble keeping up, but that’s just me. Online classes require better time management skills, and more self-teaching because, in my experience they tend to go quickly and there are no tutors if one does not understand the material.
I hope this helps!^_^
Dear Reader:
Other things I forgot to mention:
Things you May not know about college:”
Don’t EVER leave your food and drinks unattended, and always finish bottles of water you’ve opened. Always get your own food and drinks. Nasty little boys like to put little medicines in food so they can sleep with girls when they’re unconscious.
Physical Modesty:
This is a point of personal discretion. Some people feel this is a little extreme, and I’m somewhat inclined to agree; though I find that I prefer drinking from a cup, so whatever fits you. Other people DO have to be responsible for whatever is going on in their heads too. (There is only so much we as women can do, and Pretty Boys do have a nasty habit of going LOOKING for bad things to think about.) I don’ t drink directly from water bottles. I’m not going to explain the perversion behind why it’s best not to do that…I just don’t. I bring a plastic cup or a disposable one to pour the water into. Also under this category comes don’t drink from straws. I find a spoon can be used for frozen drinks and slushies instead of straws.
I’m not going to say I won’t remember something else later. But I do hope this is everything.
Miss Simplicity Evermore
Thank you for the kind words; I prayed for you this morning that God will be with you and fulfill all your dreams. I relate to your words about Christian colleges. You are right that a lot are teaching the progressive Creationism angle, which is very discouraging. May I recommend , if you have not already done so, the Institute of Creation Research’s free Acts and Facts magazine each month? Also Answers in Genesis has a great website with scientific videos from a Creationist standpoint. I have used these materials a lot .
We also receive Imprimis, a free conservative monthly magazine from Hillsdale College. Again, probably you have heard of all these, so I apologise if this is redundant information.
Take good care of yourself ok? If you would like my email let me know.
Thank you for this wonderful, truthful and practical article! I wish I had known these when I started university (I’m in my last year) and the ability to articulate college life for girls as clearly as you have. Though in my experiences I find students at university are more mature and gossip less than high school students, I was still a bit shocked by the amount of outrageous behaviours and felt incredibly left out and at odd when I don’t comply. It is funny how college people like to say they are more tolerant and open-minded, but as soon as you tell them you don’t drink they flip out and think you’re a weirdo. It was hard but I have learned a lot. I have a small group of wonderful girlfriends. I realize how important God and families are, and how their love, support and approval mean thousands times more than popularity at campus and invitations to parties (you leave feeling absolutely empty and pointless when you don’t participate in their “fun” activities; add shame and guilt to the list when you do). I hope college and college-bound girls know that being pleasing in God’s eyes are much more satisfying and rewarding than attentions from college boys. Fill yourself with God’s love so that you will not seek it from somewhere else, especially from immature college boys, become desperate and lose your self-respect. Thank you Simplicity Evermore!
Hi there,
Can the disinterestingly apathetic male ever turn into the marriage type? Or do they generally stay this way, I would like to think that when they mature or are ready for that sort of commitment, they look for the marrying type.
Your Highness Angela,
Once they get away from peers pressuring them to duplicate players and pretty boys, why can’t those guys step up to the plate later in life?
Once they leave college, they will still be under similar but lesser pressure. At some pressure point, each will see his life as deserving something more pleasurable than just associating with male discouragers and womanly encouragers. Probably about age 30. He will want to bring forth his kingly talents, if female friends and acquaintances don’t discourage him.
The female friends he gained in college and later will suddenly be viewed as wifely role models and some as prospects. His thinking will centralize around what he wants in a wife. He’ll start looking, and soon will choose to chase one with marriage in mind. Or, earlier, he will spot a friend as an ideal prospect and slowly become closer to her in search of her favorable response. But again, his target can easily discourage him by not letting him take his time and court her in his way.
Sure, apathetics after college are good candidates until some woman discourages them. Where do you think so many ex-husbands came from. They weren’t all players and pretty boys.
Bachelorettes should see nothing but opportunity when they see this in men: ‘Apathy, apathy everywhere, but who cares?’ If she can’t lift him from his doldrums, she’s not good enough for him. If he refuses her every femnine initiative, he’s not good enough for her.
Guy
This is a crisis bigger than the economy. We are under siege in our own country.
Your Highness Daughter of Thunder,
I agree but many won’t. By “we” do you mean women generally, college girls and women, the female sex, women and their children? Or do you mean something else?
Guy
Your Highness Simplicity Evermore, your contribution reminded me of the book recommended on the blog, “Better Than Beauty; A Guide to Charm”. You approached tough subjects head-on, charmed your writing with entertaining choices of words, and made it something to learn from.
As a woman happy and thankful to be in college again after working for a while, I think my age might set me away from directly experiencing the dynamics described above. However, I saw effects of what happens when young ladies aren’t as beautifully and fiercely principled as Simplicity Evermore. I saw young women who didn’t care how they dressed or behaved, some who threw themselves at ‘hunks’, others who overemphasized sexuality, and none with a light in their eyes that comes from a grateful spirit.
Simplicity, my dear, dear girl. Thank you for taking the time and putting your experiences into words so deftly, and sharing it with us all. I admire you only more because of your sincerity. Just seeing what are you going through fills me with a curious mixture of emotions: empathy towards you, sadness because of the whole situation, and rage because the situation is so hard, and you are surrounded by… well, enemies for the most part. You’re so brave, Simplicity. It takes an amazing girl to tackle all those challenges, and still be able to write about it so candidly.
I now realize how lucky I am, for I have never experienced anything remotely similar during my university years. Okay, I don’t live in the States, but I go to a small, but very good University where no one is subjected to that kind of treatment. My male colleagues (or other males from other departments) would never behave so abominably. No one even attempts anything of carnal nature, and our conversations are centered only around our studies and profession. Although I practice being mysterious (among other teachings of Sir Guy), I have yet to encounter someone asking a more private question than my current reading choice. But I wanted to say this – even if I have no first-hand experiences similar to yours – I can appreciate the time and effort you put in this essay. Thank you so much! I will mention you in my prayers as well.
I do need to say that as a woman who has recently gone through college, that these tips may indeed work. But it completely ruins your college experience. Most kids want to have a good time and enjoy their four years in college — and purposely isolating yourself is a terrible way to do that just in order to land a husband.
I found that a nice middle ground is good. I never joined a sorority or fraternity, only went on a few dates with a few guys, but I did go to a ton of parties just to dance and enjoy my friends. I dressed modestly most of the time, but every once in a while would dress less modestly. Guys at my small school (1500 in my class) knew less than nothing about my dating history — proven to this day when a guy in a similar social crowd that I’d never met recognized me but asked who I’d dated on campus because he couldn’t remember anyone. You don’t have to stand out as a weirdo because you have specific beliefs — you can enjoy college but fly under the radar.
Your Highness ABM,
Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
You fashioned a great model for college. Well done! Purposely flying under the radar gives one an attitude of self-defense that’s hard for others to overwhelm. To my mind, it fits right in an imagined book of feminine axioms.
Guy