06/13/2012 · 8:04 am
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Women probably disagree but they should listen. Respect is more important than love in home and family. Love automatically includes respect but many relationship connections don’t, such as discipline of children and wifely stubborness. Through the years I heard many leaders and managers describe their attitude this way: “I’ll show subordinates respect after they earn my respect.” Raise your kids hardcore under that principle and they will later claim their family was dysfunctional.
- The rise of masculine violence correlates to the spread of Feminism. Men have been made less valuable in the eyes of females compared to the natural conviction fixed in the male nature. Men made to appear less valuable resent it and retaliate. Mixed with anger, the most immediately obvious method to men is violence.
- Unmarried women—and they’re teaching girls by example—put their initial sexual encounter with a man high on their priority list. Thus, they use sex to make themselves worthy of him, which is the reverse of what works for marital permanence.
- Relationships built on sex do not last. Longevity comes when sex has turned more to a by-product, much like romantic love morphs into enduring love. The thrills are gone but the warmth and fondness linger. Sex remains of great value but not as bonding as other aspects of marriage, such as likeability, responsibility, reliability, and predictability of each mate to the other.
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Dear Guy,
I found this so helpful. I am currently coping with a situation where I am working with a very attractive but attached colleague. There has been no impropriety but in the absence of a dating relationship, his attitude to me, whether he compliments me, is slightly flirty and so on, has taken on far too great a significance. I am doing everything I can externally to make sure that I don’t get more emotionally dependent BUT the hook for me is ..now that his attention to me is dwindling (partly familiarity, he has known me for a year, and partly because I am being very self-controlled about the nature of my communications) is that I can’t help feeling a failure at the level of my attractiveness. ‘Am I that forgettable?’ I ask myself. I both want to get onto an even keel and for my source of affirmation to stay the same! And yet, if I am deeply self-respectful, my feminine value is being acknowledged even more if this guy does not flirt. I think that is what I need to tell myself. If he is respecting my single status and not trying to stir my emotions for fun and frisson but is focused on our joint work… that can only be good.
Your Highness Katey-Anne,
Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
I’m confused because you are. If I read you correctly, you feel less attractive because his interest has dwindled. He showed some interest for a year and you kept him discouraged. What do you expect?
Near the top you say he is “attached colleague.” To someone else? If he’d flirt with you while committed to another, why should it discourage your beliefs? Why should it even touch your conviction about your attractiveness? He’s unqualified to do that since he’s obviously only after sex with you. Your attractiveness is attention-getter and not all that critical to him.
Guy
Dear Guy,
Thank you! Yes he is firmly attached to a long-term partner. You write: ‘ If he’d flirt with you while committed to another, why should it discourage your beliefs? Why should it even touch your conviction about your attractiveness? He’s unqualified to do that since he’s obviously only after sex with you. Your attractiveness is attention-getter and not all that critical to him.’
Thank you this is really helpful. I don’t think, btw, he was just after sex, more that he was after the sexual frisson of the forbidden. I didn’t get the ‘he’s after sex’ warning lights. I would have been more guarded if I had. And precisely because he seems to enjoy being flirty but on a leash, I then felt less attractive when he ceased to try to engage with me that way…
BUT you are absolutely right. I am not playing ball and simply being flirty, fun colleague and, inevitably, that is going to squelch his interest. Nothing to do with whether I am attractive or not. The last time I saw him..a male colleague was super complimentary about how I looked..ex-flirty colleague said nothing.
I recently had a conversation with a man, who is a father figure to me, in which he claimed “he’s never met a person whom he can’t control”. I replied in a light /joking way , “well here I am, you met me!”. But he persisted that he can control me too. I asked how he thinks he controls me and he had no answer claiming he “didn’t want to embarrass me”. He’s generally a good person but after a few drinks can be kind of mean to his wife and kids although never to me (he did say this controlling thing after a few drinks though).Why would a man say this kind of thing? Is this a normal belief men have? I would like to prove to him that he does not control me (although I’m refraining because it doesn’t really change anything if he thinks he controls me). Am I just being a dumb feminist taking offense to this?
Your Highness Anonymous,
Of course you’re not being dumb, feminist, or anything but offended by a grievous offender. God gives us free will, and it’s our proudest possession. We are no body, if we can’t make our own decisions. The man would have you believe he can take away your most prized possession, which implies he can control your heart and mind. Basically, he’s a manipulator, and you’re blessed to know where he’s coming from in whatever interaction you have. You may want to reconsider his father figure role, at least his manipulative side.
Guy
Thank you for the reassurance. I will definitely be more guarded about taking his advice in the future and I’m glad to know this isn’t universal.
Your Highness Anonymous,
I just had another thought. Don’t overlook that his claims may just be a line to gently slip into your confidence and pants. Manipulators don’t become manipulators without success being too slick for other people to detect their true motive.
Guy
At least for this character I don’t think he is trying to get in my pants since he’s been married (faithfully as far as I know) for over 25 years, which is older than I am. But I will definitely keep that in mind if I encounter someone else who behaves similarly. Thanks!