Commitment is a gift, but devotion is earned. If a man’s commitment—whether true or disingenuous—is enough for her to yield sexually, she likely will never see him exhibit devotion to her satisfaction.
Commitment is the promise of togetherness, a mixture of words, romantic love, infatuation, and lust. Only time and the future prove its presence or absence, its accuracy and sincerity, its briefness or permanence.
Devotion is a man’s dedication to a woman so intense that others notice and believe it. It’s observable in his actions that not only please her but require considerable effort on his part. He respects her first as a person, then as a woman, and then as his girlfriend, fiancé, and wife. Her spirit stimulates the softer side of his natural hardheartedness. Her presence softens the harder side of his natural hardheadedness. With a smile in his heart, he accepts the unique and perhaps strange things that she insists upon having or doing. He courts her delicately and doesn’t push too hard for conquest, because he fears losing her.
The popularity and willingness of modern men to commit with virtually no devotion to a woman means that women are suckered into the man’s game. To expand a man’s commitment into devotion, he must be challenged by a woman. Preserving her sexual assets is the ultimate challenge and virtual virginity provides it. It doesn’t guarantee capturing a man, but it more easily challenges and keeps a man around long enough to find out who she really is and what promise she holds for his future.
“Devotion is a mans dedication to a woman so intense that others notice and believe it”
A long time ago, I heard the Focus on the Family broadcast with Dr. James Dobson
He said there wer 12 STEPS TO INTIMACY:
1) Eye to Body
2)Eye to eye
3)Voice to voice
all 1st three steps lead to 1st date.
the next 5 should occur during relationship
4) Hand to hand
5)Hand to shoulder
6)Hand to waist
7)Face to face-1st kiss looking into each others eyes
8) Hand to hair-romantic caressing of hair
ONLY after marriage that the last 4 should take place:
9) Hand to body parts
10)Mouth to breast
11)Touching below waist
12) Intercourse
He suggested that you try to do these steps in order and not rush steps 4—8. If you go too fast, you wont be able to get the other steps–like having him but hand on shoulder after 1st kiss ( I NEVER see this step in public anymore; unless the girl is feebly doing it to the guy)
This sounds ‘trite’ but what i’m seeing among the modern young, it’s RIGHT ON TIME.
Your Highness Boomer Babe,
James Dobson provides great wisdom. Women should pay more attention.
Guy
“AMONG the modern young who dont even get dates in College: maybe it’s just in CA where im from, and not in other states.
It seems that modern women are so desperate for commitment they don’t need his devotion.
Your Highness Boomer Babe,
That’s right. Desperate is the operative term, immediate gratification is the driver, and lack of relationship longevity is the result.
Guy
Thank you for the excellent post. I see now that commitment is really very cheap compared to devotion.
Men joke that women withhold sex when they are displeased with their man.
I have not found this to be true in my marriage. It’s my husband who withholds sex from me when he is displeased.
He is not happy with my lack of organization. For days I get no response from him and than suddenly he opens up pandora’s box and lets it all out…again. About how he wishes I would do such and such. I am doing the best I can. But it isn’t enough. I am a very busy mother of 8 children with one on the way. Mothering is a full time job without adding to it neat closets and drawers.
How do you suggest I deal with this? Is it normal for men to not want sex when they are displeased with the womens housekeeping?
Your Highness 1mother5sisters6daughters,
No, it’s not normal for men to do that. He lacks self-respect, sees himself shortchanged on respect by the family, and lacks respect for you. He shifts into dominance mode when irritants build enough to spill over. Essentially, he’s only doing what we all do routinely. He makes himself feel good about himself. Blaming you for inconsequentials, unfortunately, is the option he chooses.
You may find ways to improve your situation if you explore all the daily articles with ‘respect’ in the title. Search the CONTENTS page for it.
Guy
WOW i never heard of it that way..usually guys are extremely ‘ready’. Its a little ‘odd’ to me. If hes CHRISTIAN he should read 1 Peter 3:7: that his prayers would be hindered if he doesn’treat his wife right. It may go both ways, but I don’t think so–because PETER said women were the weaker sex. I believe he may have possibly CREATED the means of chivary, ‘romance’ that came later and we just didnt know it yet. since some people call him the ‘head of the church’
Thank you for your quick reply. I will look into those respect articles. Since reading your reply things have become clear to me. Last week he began to feel guilty about not being quite the father he had wanted to be. I guess he couldn’t stand the guilt and began to find ways to lay it on me. Does that make sense?
Your Highness 1mother5sisters6daughters,
Try posts 1443 about why he lays his guilt on you. Make sense that he does it? You bet.
Guy
Ahem, my ex husband also withheld sex after we had our child….
Any thoughts, Sir Guy?
He was an alcoholic and abuser.
Your Highness Lin,
Sure, he felt too insignificant for his responsibilities. Also, he could neither stand nor get rid of his guilt. (See post 1443) Drinking deadened it. Abusing others made him feel significant temporarily until guilt set in again and he picked up the bottle. It’s a closed loop. Insignificance to guilt to drink to abuse to significance to insignificance to guilt to drink to … etc. We all respond to pressures; some of us can’t stand the pressures we put on ourselves.
Guy
Thank you. That was very helpful.