NOTE: Critically reviewed just before clicking the ‘publish’ button, I learned that this article expects more out of young girls than maturity and experience allows. It aims at high school girls, when college women would have been a much better target. Therefore, I suggest that mothers use it to coach high school daughters. I expect college women have sufficient maturity and experience.
A pretty young lady bound for college wonders why boys have such under-developed career plans. Those who even bother to think of their future focus on fun rather than responsibilities. For example, get a kinesiology degree and live off the benefits of exercise, their own and that of others. Nothing broader or deeper interests them. Nothing disclosed or seemingly fulfilled in their lives prepares them for marriage and raising a family. The problem arises out of inadequate childhood preparation for mature adult family life.
The solution, however, lies at the feet of their peers, both girls and later young women. Other than parental shortcomings, girls have these four things to consider.
- Nature endows boys to be present-oriented and girls future-oriented.
- Teen boys look primarily for fun and games. They figure they can handle the future when it arrives. (Very unlike girls maturing sooner and faster, right?)
- Adolescence generates tremendous individual changes that separate the sexes dramatically and faster than peers can keep up with maturation of the other sex.
- The easy availability of sex confirms to boys that they are the stronger sex. Therefore, they must dominate the weaker sex to uphold both the individual and the collective male egos.
Only girls can inspire boys to settle down and act more maturely than they are. The secret is to challenge boys to find interest in things that girls consider important. Those girls that don’t have sex with boys can dictate teen agendas in both talk and action. If sex is available, however, boys don’t listen to girls who provide it; they are mere tokens of teen life.
To the extent they want to see boys upgrade themselves, girls should throw a multitude of challenges into the face of each boy that acts differently than girls wish to see—immature as girls see it. They can carry the habit into young womanhood too. Many questions cited below exemplify ideas that boys and men perceive as challenges.
Girls, you have to brace them up to pay attention to your expectations. Don’t talk, don’t describe yourself! Make them figure you out by your interest in their upcoming maturity. Make boys talk by asking a wide array of deep personal questions. Except for a few obvious ones that signify a girl may be angry, most of the examples should be delivered with female inquisitiveness, feminine charm, and a smile. Don’t complain and don’t explain further. And, above all, don’t let them dump it back in your lap by responding with their own questions. Walk away smilingly and mysteriously before you let a boy take control of whatever situation or discussion develops.
Many of the questions stimulate more questions for which boys have no ready answers. That’s good. Let a boy’s curiosity and imagination plague his sleep time. Is he really like that? Or, is she crazy? Do all girls think that? Will it affect his future life? How should he respond to her tomorrow? Use the following and others of your imagination to stir the male psyche into appreciating that girls are very different than boys think.
- What is your work ethic compared to other boys? How did you get it? If you don’t know what it is, what is your value in the world of employment?
- What’s your money-earning plan for adulthood? What’s your progress so far?
- Where do you expect to be in five years? Ten years?
- Do you see yourself as a father? What kind and how well?
- How do you intend to earn your way into husbandhood? Oh, you don’t have to earn it? Whose idea is that?
- In the grand scheme of female attractiveness, how do you value boob size?
- Does bare female skin in intimate places embarrass you? Why or why not?
- Where did you learn or how will you court a girl if you like her enough?
- Who pays for dates? Oh, you don’t plan to date? “Goodbye” and walk away.
- What about a girl takes your mind off having sex with her? Oh, nothing? “Goodbye” and walk away.
- What do you think girls are after? Young women are after? Other than sex, that is!
- What do you know about girls that makes you think they enjoy sex as guys do?
- Do girls deserve what they seek? Oh, you haven’t yet learned what they seek?
- What do boys have so valuable that girls have to earn it? Oh, you have nothing to offer?
- What do you get out of your favorite trait in girls? What’s her payback for benefits you receive?
- What does a girl have to do to hold your interest?
- How would you describe the difference between commitment and devotion. Never thought about it, huh? Well, I’ll give you a week to figure it out. It’s very important to me that a boy with whom I associate comprehend the difference. [That is too challenging, so use it only for a boy with whom you have little interest. Let him spread your rep as tough and unmanageable and other boys will show interest in you.]
- What makes girls attractive to you? What holds your interest? In the grand scheme of a relationship, what is the most important factor to you?
- Which do you consider the most valuable and reliable? Words or actions? Promises or results?
- What did your parents teach you that makes you so self-centered? If not endowed by your parents, what justifies you assuming such high value in yourself?
- Who is the most important person in your life so far? Why?
- How will you pay for college? By yourself or do you have to depend on someone else?
- If an emergency arose and you called 911 and got no service in response, what would you do? Who would you turn to? Who would you want to have with you?
- What church do you attend? Regularly or irresponsibly?
- If you play a musical instrument, what and why? With a band or singly? If singly, why? Not good enough?
- What thought or idea terrorizes you in bed at night? Do you also dream about it?
- Who taught you to dance? I love the romance of ballroom dancing. You game?
- Who, what, and why are you most grateful for. Happy about?
- What are you capable of providing to a girl that might make her happy? Not to like you so much but to be happy with herself.
- You do, of course, have a savings account. Are you satisfied with the way it grows?
- Can you describe how these terms interact: respect and love? Can you love someone without respecting them? I can’t imagine this happening, but let’s say it’s possible. Do you think I could respect you without loving you?
- Which is more important: Win at any cost or how one plays the game? Would you teach young children that winning comes first?
- Which is more important: Equality or fairness? If I kicked you in the shins would you strike back to achieve equality or fairness?
- Of course, you have a life of your own. How do you envision sharing it with someone else?
- In a budding romance, who’s the buyer and who’s the seller? Which party has to demonstrate their best qualities in order to win favor with the other?
With each example above, the objective should be to stimulate boys to think and talk. First, to ‘defend’ their ego against the girl’s interrogation. Second, to perceive that a challenge has been thrust in their face. Third, to think seriously about female interests, the future, and relating to girls now and women later.
If they steer clear of a girl for asking such questions, she shouldn’t qualify them as good enough to even pluck at her heartstrings. If boys keep coming back for more of her challenges, they are beginning to appreciate her as a female of interest, potentially as a girlfriend, perhaps worth earning their way into her heart.
The foregoing won’t solve problems that girls anticipate dealing with immature boys. Such questions, however, can symbolically slap a boy’s face and get his attention in new ways. Girls can’t change a boy, but they can relieve anxieties by becoming more independent and better leaders in the process of becoming more mature.