Her Highness Anne at post 1662 inquired this way: “This is small point, but you mention that men do not consider gratitude necessary for “duty” performed. … Is there a way to repackage one’s “duties” as not duties so that the man will express more gratitude?”
Sure! Appeal to his softer side. It’s not easy, because he’s lived some period with you and his natural hardheartedness and hardheadedness have been okay so far.
Develop stimulants to appeal to and hopefully soften his heart. Quit using the term love and loving each other, as they mean different things to men and women. Inquire specifically but patiently on some little things. Such as smilingly planting gentle seeds like these while serving him a beer, refilling his coffee cup, or sitting quietly on a drive:
- Honey, are you glad that I do special things for you?
- Honey, do I keep the kids quiet enough when you’re studying?
- Honey, does my laundry schedule keep your clothes replaced fast enough for your use?
- Honey, do I keep your castle clean and organized well enough?
- Honey, I know I’m full of little irritants for you, but do my blessings really bless you?
- Honey, do I show you enough respect?
- Honey, do I show enough appreciation for the little things that you do?
- Honey, do I show you enough gratitude for the little things you add to our family life? Do we even have enough gratefulness expressed throughout our family? Do we recognize or appreciate each other enough for just being family members with responsibilities for pleasing other members?
- Honey, when you hear me preaching to the kids that they must show more respect for each other, do you agree? Do you have any ideas that would help me generate greater respect and gratefulness among family members?
Presented casually and non-accusingly, such questions introduced innocently amidst everyday encounters should stir some changes in a husband. Don’t blame or induce guilt in him. In fact, reflect your own guilt for PERHAPS not living up to his expectations. You always want to do better, right? Don’t expect miracles but learn to fish with ideas that prompt favorable responses that temporarily satisfy your wants.
Everybody wants to change the world, but nobody wants to change themself. You can start the process in your world.