Starting at 1671, this series describes the foundation from which come the interactions and conclusions described in the blog. This is the third comparison of eight primal urges that require the give-and-take balance so essential for compatibility.
Her primal want of a helpful mate versus his primal want of freedom
Primarily, women want a helpmate to both brighten their future and to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. A good man does it best, except some women don’t want to pay the price. Secondarily, the presence of a man in her life dulls or neutralizes many anxieties. He provides comfort against loneliness and serves as target for enhancing her need of self-importance. He provides frequent confirmation of her prettiness, appreciation of her efforts, and some sense of security against her primal fear of abandonment.
Men claim that women are unfathomable and indecipherable; they defy understanding. However, in the realm of his freedom versus her want of a helpmate, much of what women think and expect about men directly conflicts with the male nature. A better understanding of the basic nature of both men and women helps to generate more reliable relationship compatibility.
Men value freedom in two ways. First, they seek and appreciate the political and economic freedom that enables them to pursue individual self-interests and dreams. It’s vital to both their mental well-being and to their ability to help others.
Second, men seek and appreciate enough marital independence to empower them to produce, provide, protect, and problem solve for those with whom they feel responsible. Unfortunately, the more marital independence they expect, the less responsible men feel for others and vice versa. It’s each man’s call, and less responsibility worsens further as moral values and standards decay in society. As the female gender permits morality to decline, the personal responsibility of men for their families also declines. As women go, so goes society.
You probably figure that men want the freedom to chase women, but the freedom doesn’t provide opportunity. They don’t need freedom and make their own opportunities. Men generate whatever is required to fulfill their physiological and psychological drives. Few or many conquests help fulfill a man’s need for self-admiration, but not his satisfaction with life that comes from the admiration of a family as dedicated to him as he’s devoted to them.
On the other hand, wives can tame a man’s natural urge to conquer women. A wife easily satisfies her husband’s physiological drive. Satisfying a man’s psychological drive for sex, however, is a function of relationship compatibility first won with the promise of physical satisfaction and then maintained with the actuality of it.
In spite of what women claim about the selfishness of men, the highest masculine calling and satisfaction comes from producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving for those to whom a man is devoted. It takes much time and maturity, but men find great significance in ‘constructing’ an admirable family. Consequently, a woman’s satisfaction with a helpmate depends upon her ability to generate and sustain devotion for her in the heart of one man willing to share her with no one else.
QUIZ: On that comparison, which mate has the greater need for the other? In the world of singles, which sex controls the relationship agenda? In the world of marriage, which sex counts most for building compatibility?
NOTE: In 5,000 years of recorded history, mankind has enjoyed maximum political and economic freedom ONLY in the U.S. of A. Now, it’s being taken away, and women should expect their man to become less able to brighten the female future and help with nesting, etc. Men are already preoccupied with their own self-interest and dreams for gaining independence against newly imposed political and economic restraints. Their sense of personal responsibility to families decays as men try to hang on to their self-respecting individualism, liberty, and dignity under constant threat by bureaucrats and political power brokers who are empowered far beyond what their intellect, education, and common sense justifies for telling the rest of us how to live.