Yesterday’s post 1705 painted a bleary picture for two-income wives. Describing the male nature, I reported husbands’ likely behavior if emotions, values, beliefs, and expectations don’t override their primal nature.
‘Two-income’ and ‘one-income’ husbands differ. When husbands determine that wives are not quite good enough for them, two-income husbands find it easier to justify departure and easier on the conscience than that of husbands dumping stay-at-home wives. Otherwise, the wives are equally vulnerable.
Wives employed outside the home are somewhat handicapped but they can overcome. As with life, everything is relative and recovery is possible. The recovery strategy lies here: Gently, silently, and indirectly plant seeds of greater dependence on him. But to help that effort along you should go through some single-minded self-analysis.
First, quit worrying unless you detect red flags. Don’t invent problems you don’t have. Don’t presume that you need to do anything. Be quick to presume that your marriage is sound and moving along just great.
Second, analyze the likelihood of you having contributed to a problem you don’t yet see. Do it the same way as described for ‘one-income’ wives in post 1704. If you don’t pass that self-analysis, proceed as described there.
Third, if your marriage looks solid in view of post 1704, review your husband’s behavior in the recent past. See any red flags? Has he changed recently regarding work habits? Attention-to-you habits? Reliability habits? Hobby habits? Attitude change? Happiness change? Withdrawal from you? Satisfaction diminished with you and what you do?
If you see a red flag or two, don’t blame him. DO NOT get it in your mind that he’s cheating or even pulling away from you mentally if not physically. Your effort and attitude should be that of self-analyzing your marriage in which you both participate but only you can fix.
Don’t get husband involved, as men are neither relationship experts nor willing to do relationship maintenance. If you do get him involved, he’ll likely turn against you probably visibly but perhaps silently. You will lose more than you can gain.
So, you get red flags. What do you do? You have to figure it out from what you’ve learned about the male nature in this series bounced against the personal and interactive qualities of you and husband.
I close with vital pointers. Don’t try to change him. Identify and tailor whatever changes you hope to make so that he doesn’t become aware. Follow this strategy: Gently, silently, and indirectly plant seeds of your greater dependence on him.