I dedicate this post to Tina Martlage. Teasing pretty women makes them prettier. While funning with her, she inspired me to see the links between gratefulness, happiness, likeability, and loveable.
Complete fulfillment as a woman comes from these four imperatives: I am loved. I am pretty. I am married. I am mother. You can’t just achieve those roles and be happy. For each persona, one ingredient is essential. Your sense of fulfillment depends on evidence that you are important and thus deserving in those roles. In fact, you can become as womanly fulfilled as you can fill mind and heart with that special ingredient.
Here today, I focus on ‘I am loved’.
It’s essential that a female be loved. From girlhood, she craves it. Hopefully, a father and later a man love her. Either can satisfy the craving that drives some women to give birth in order to just receive love from someone. (Being inadequately loved is the predominant but unrecognized reason that single girls end up having babies.)
To be loved, a woman must be loveable and three ways exist to get there. 1) She becomes loveable through genetics and good fortune. 2) She intuitively develops a personal style of winning the favor of others. 3) She personifies a lifestyle that makes her loveable. I shall describe the last.
Being loveable is the sum of your likeability plus the respect shown you as a child or earned as an adult. It all depends on what has gone before in life, and one trait makes all the difference. Without it, being loveable doesn’t happen. With it, you can become ever more loveable and thus much more likely to find someone else to love you.
(Before we get to that essential trait, something else must first fill your heart, or you’re doomed to wasting energy. You’re pretty, and it requires daily confirmation such as described in articles 1440, 1441, and others mentioned therein. Confirmation of prettiness fertilizes all efforts to become happier, more loveable, and anything else you wish to achieve in life.)
More gratefulness is the essential trait to becoming more loveable. That is, appreciating and spreading thankfulness for things, events, and people that impact your life. However, being loveable doesn’t come from the gratefulness you suddenly feel, for example at meeting a potential Mr. Right. It comes from gratefulness embedded as habit in your personality and lifestyle.
The points that follow may read but aren’t intended as instructional or procedural. They aren’t rules but describe interactions within Self and with others that spawn reasonably predictable reactions.
I try to simplify without losing clarity, but some remain difficult to understand. You have to figure out how to find more gratefulness in your life in order to become more loveable. (If you’re already totally loveable, you’re probably fooling yourself. You probably also think that sexual relations holds a man.) Anyway, here’s how interactions generate loveable out of gratitude.
- The more gratefulness you find and show for the features and creatures in your life, and the more grateful you are about them, then the more you please yourself.
- The more you please yourself by finding more reasons to be grateful, the happier you become.*
- As you become happier, your self-respect grows accordingly and so should your gratitude for enhancing your self-image. That is, you’re grateful for improving the picture you have of yourself and how you fit in your world.
- The more you respect yourself, the more you can respect others, which should make you especially grateful that you have an enhanced ability to make others feel good.
- The more respect you show to others, the more respect you earn from them. Trust is the most endearing form, and so endless opportunities are available.
- You earn respect by first giving it. If showing respect doesn’t make you feel grateful for having such discretionary power, your heart has hardened beyond that of a very loveable woman.
- If you’re grateful for the respect that others show you, it reinforces your self-respect and provides more opportunities to be grateful for who you are and what you do.
- The more self-respect you demonstrate, often reflected in a grateful or happier attitude, the more men admire you. You should feel especially grateful. What men admire, they see as virtue. Virtue makes you likeable, admiration earns respect, and those ingredients make you loveable. (Watch it. Don’t go too far. Be grateful for everything but that you’re loveable, because it makes you think you’ve ‘arrived’. It’s too much self-centeredness, and it takes you away from sustaining the true ingredients of loveable, namely your likeability and respect you’ve earned.)
- The more men admire you, the more virtuous you appear and respectable you become. You can double down on gratefulness for who you are, namely virtuous and respectable from the same sources.
- The more virtuous and respectable you are to both yourself and others, the more respected and likeable you become. If you’re likeable to others, you’ve been likeable to yourself for a long time. Also, count and credit yourself for those blessings.
- The more respected and likeable you are, the more loveable you become—at least to men, because the foundation of masculine love is respect for women generally and one individually.
- You can use this cardinal rule to keep you focused. For every negative impact on your life, and eventually every negative thought that enters your mind, you immediately overwrite it with some thing, thought, or outcome about which you can be grateful. Negative thoughts and loveable are opposites. Negatives stomp on loveable. Loveable smothers negatives. The wise gal learns how to turn negatives into positives, aka gratefulness.
Summarized, gratitude begets happiness, which begets self-respect, which begets respect and likeability, which begets a loveable woman. Endless amounts of gratitude weave it into the ‘I am loved’ fabric so eagerly sought by women.
The toughest task is learning to recognize the signs of respect, respectable, gratitude, likeability, loveable, and manly admiration and how they impact your life. It ain’t easy and takes time, but relationship experts can figure it out for themselves. God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize women with whatever skills and talents they need to chase their hopes and dreams.
The way to become more loveable starts with finding gratitude in who you are and what you do when relating with others. You can then learn and practice the causes and effects numbered above to make yourself more grateful. Ultimate success depends on how you turn those points into habitual thinking.
CAUTION: Teach yourself to become more loveable without taking undue advantage of others. If you do, they more easily become friendly, think you more respectable or likeable if not loveable, and may even help you find and deploy your gratefulness among others.
CAUTION: I suggest you don’t tell girlfriends or anyone else about embellishing your life with more gratitude. Make the process habitual but private; a more loveable self is amplified by mystery and girlfriends tend to claim good intentions that often kill mystery.
It’s been tough to present tough concepts clearly. I invite each of you to question any aspect. Perhaps by answering your questions, I can make the whole picture more easily grasped and used.
*Dennis Prager says we each have a moral obligation to be happy; we owe fellow humans not to mar their day with our sourness or bitterness. I agree and add this: We owe it to ourselves to be happy, so we can be grateful for honoring moral obligations that earn the respect of others and, hopefully for women, the admiration of men.