- Some wives think that sex holds their husband close at home. Unwittingly, they send messages that encourage wandering more than fidelity.
- Men don’t suit women until women suit themselves—individually and collectively.
- The smartest women presume that every man that shows interest in her is already in over his head.
- If you want to understand potential suicides, think first on these things. They have lost hope in ever feeling good enough about themselves. Achievements/accomplishments are the best way to change their thinking. No guarantees but successful actions generate hope, which leads to dreaming of bigger and better achievements, which leads to more hope, which…..
- WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. However, lack of self-respect prevents people from doing it. They don’t think they deserve to feel good about themselves.
- Nothing damages a man’s self-respect as much as his wife cheating on him. A cuckolded man is the lowest form of masculine life.
- Men depart any situation that weakens their self-respect. If she cheats, he leaves her to regain his self-image of a respected man worthy of self-admiration.
- Nothing damages a wife’s self-respect as much as her husband cheating on her. She faces weakened self-respect if his infidelity was sex-only, but she can forgive him and forget it if he enables restoration of her self-respect. She faces destruction of her self-respect, if he is emotionally connected with his other partner. He’s to blame but guilt makes her face her own contributions to the loss of emotional connections with him. Dual blame leaves her confused and she can’t forget it and, consequently, she can’t forgive him.
1722. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 65
Filed under Dear daughter
“Some wives think that sex holds their husband close at home. Unwittingly, they send messages that encourage wandering more than fidelity.”
I do not understand this.
Your Highness F2,
Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
For a complete understanding, the answer lies within the hundreds of differences in the natures of men and women. They are described in many of the articles listed in the CONTENTS page at blog top. I’ll summarize here.
A man marries not for what a woman promises but for the promise he sees in her. The promise he sees and imagines she has for encouraging, supporting, and admiring his accomplishments, home, life, and future. Sex plays a secondary role after their first sex together, because her promise in bed turns to reality and puts her in the same arena as other women.
Unfortunately, many women think that they can outcompete others by using the same equipment. The difference is too small to separate women on the marital stage, but the adolescent mind proves itself with such insignificant thoughts.
If she favors using sex to keep him at home, she flooded with immaturity. Once romantic love fades in a year or two, sex plays a much less important role in the marital mind of a man. His primal need is already met for a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and recover for tomorrow. Sex helps with recovery but little else, once its entertainment value becomes common.
WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. Wife may feel good pleasing husband with all manner of ways to spotlight sex. But outside the orgasmic activity, he tires fast, because he dreams of other things. He wonders: What about the other things for which I married her? Such thoughts begin the process to pull away from her. If she has persistently praised his sexual performance, it invites him to prove it elsewhere. He begins to think, perhaps I married too soon or the wrong woman. In the end, there are many other messages sent by wifely dependence on sex to please her, him, or both. The messages eventually make him think of wandering.
Guy
Thanks for your reply!
“Dual blame leaves her confused and she can’t forget it and, consequently, she can’t forgive him.”
Forgiveness is always possible.
Your Highness Sis,
I agree with you. Of course you’re correct for anyone filled with the spirit of Christ.
As you quote me above, I describe the raw nature of females before they find Christ or some other belief/faith that encourages forgiveness. Do you agree with me?
Guy
Yes, I’d have to agree with that.
I can’t express how much I’ve been learning from you, thanks for all you do.
#8 isn’t always true.. a woman can forgive..depends on the woman
Your Highness The White Pumpkin,
Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
I agree with you. Of course you’re correct. A woman can always forgive, but it’s not in her nature in the circumstance described.
Keep this in mind if you spend more time reading here. I describe the raw nature of men and women as if they just exited the womb as full grown adults without benefit of experience, religious beliefs, and learned values. I don’t describe specific behavior of men and women, just the likely path they take when they have no conscious or habitual reason to override natural tendencies.
To see the basis, I suggest starting at articles 702-705 and then proceed wherever you like among the selections listed in the CONTENTS page at blog top.
Guy
Mr. Guy, I am quoting the last paragraph on your first reply on this post – I find your thinking very interesting. Would you provide some more details as to what types of massages wifes can send that makes a man wander?
“If she has persistently praised his sexual performance, it invites him to prove it elsewhere. He begins to think, perhaps I married too soon or the wrong woman. In the end, there are many other messages sent by wifely dependence on sex to please her, him, or both. The messages eventually make him think of wandering”
Your Highness Princess,
The following messages express foreign ideas or discouraging surprises to a man’s thinking. [Less direct options and seed planting phrases are shown in brackets.]
• You’re great in bed but…. [You have an admirable sensitivity for finding what comes before what.]
• Could you be more considerate of my …? [How did you know that I’m particularly sensitive to …?]
• I’m not ready yet…. [You sure know how to get me ready.]
• Why don’t you ever …? [You remind me so much of how good bosses figure out just what makes employees perform well or better.]
• Will you pay more attention to me getting ready? [Thank you. You know just how to turn my silver outside to gold inside.]
Any negatives about his performance expressed directly by wife bring his prowess into the question, and that ain’t good because he wants to prove her wrong. In all cases of negative feedback, communicate indirectly and plant seeds of encouragement. For positive responses, keep them focused on how wife enjoys him and what he does and don’t stress his particular sex techniques.
Guy
How does this mesh with the concept of “admiring your bull in the bedroom” which you wrote about elsewhere? Are you suggesting to admire him BUT not in general terms that could build him up in *any* woman’s eyes (or his own)? The idea is only to admire him in reference to her??
Your Highness Anne,
It meshes fine, or at least it should. By any and all means, YES to your last two sentences.
Guy
Okay! But I am still confused on one point: doesn’t only talking about him in reference to HER make the woman appear self-centered and selfish? As in, won’t he get the message, “She only likes me for what I can do for her”??
Your Highness Anne,
What’s the other option? In reference to other women?
In intimate moments or thoughts, who else but her and him should be the focus? Emphasizing him is easy enough and indirectness helps. For example, Your lovemaking brightens our home the next day. Let him ponder the full meaning as he meanders around the house.
Guy
lol!! (about “in reference to other women”) Point taken!
Guy, will be wading though soon enough.. and your highness the white pumpkin sounds so bizarre… the point about being shattered I found most true..
I’m a little confused on your answer, Guy. I have read a lot of your articles, and you make the point that sex is extremely important to men in marriage. Are you saying here that sex IN ITSELF is not enough, absent the respect and admiration that men crave?
Your Highness Grateful Reader,
Yes, sex does not hold a man to a woman. He’s held by the promise he sees in her for many other things as already described. Sex is vital. However, its holding power crumbles before the attractiveness of other women similarly equipped and more challenging because of his primal urge to conquer them. Sorry to be so blunt.
Guy
I was referring above to your reply to F2, by the way.
“WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. However, lack of self-respect prevents people from doing it. They don’t think they deserve to feel good about themselves.”
I agree, but where do selfishness, self-absorption, self-centeredness come into play. I think that maybe a lot of people (perhaps women more often?) believe that it reflects poor character to focus on pleasing oneself?